do you care?

I care and can empathize. But sometimes, when I've really got it bad myself, I don't have the capacity. The principle behind that is, you can't give what you don't have.

But sometimes I can tell that I'm relapsing, by the lack of caring for others. If I start getting intolerant of other people's symptoms, that's a symptom itself, and a red flag for me.

News stories make me cry sometimes. And I can empathize with the death of a child, because I've buried one of mine. However, I think it's human nature to have some element of "well, it doesn't affect me, so why bother?" It's extremes, I believe, that are unhealthy. When other people's pain becomes your own, to the point that you aren't living your own life but theirs, that's one extreme. When you can watch a person being brutally beaten right before your eyes and not even think "ouch," that's another. Most of us, IMO, want to be somewhere in the middle.

It does affect me when I feel sad that the world is so unfriendly toward and dangerous for children, and women too. It affects me when it makes me worry about the quality of life.

yeah i wonder that too, do they not realise how much suffering is happening outside there view. the world is full of it so many horrible things, there is no point dwelling on it. lol maybe i just gave up caring maybe i lack the ability too, what can i do.

and i love your post lol ill try to just accept it. and whenever i see it ill just go "it must be magic!"

ohh yeah id like to thank everyone for there posts it was very insightful

Exactly!

I truely care about people. I hate for people to be in pain, especially if i cannot help. I have seen so much in my life that I guess I have a hard time understanding how people can be so cruel, it is a foriegn concept to me.
I can honestly say that the most baffling personality , too me, is the sadistic one.
But also, I understand about the grieving that people do even for strangers, with the candles, etc. I think it is just a way to "do something" to show that they care, especially in the face of feeling hopeless.
I can empathize and sympathize and some events are just more devistating than others.
I do know there are alot of people who genuinely care about others. But I have been conditioned to look for the "strings" when someone helps me. But it is hope inspiring to see honest true heartfelt compassion in the face of human pain.

You would if it were your child, or yourself and you would be glad of the support of others. Look at little Jamie Bolger. When we are able to either relate to or imagine the fear that little boy would have been in we have a physical reaction through the vagus nerve, it responds to what we are hearing and seeing and it is mostly a feeling of dread and loss, sadness and sorrow for that tiny helpless little boy.

The vagus nerve picks up shock and fear and other reactions from our organs to different things. Sometimes we are nauseated, others we are sad or angry. There are many reactions to be had.

When you feel nothing it probably scares others because those who hurt that little boy felt nothing for him either, they were capable of such torture and for someone to say "big deal" then those who are shocked and saddened feel they are looking at someone who would do the same things and have no remorse. They see it as "If you don't relate to the little hurt one, then you relate to the killer" that scares most people.

Theres only one killer I relate to and that is the one who flips the switch that starts a lethal injection; there has to be someone willing to stop the murderers of innocents because once done they will do it again and there is only one way to stop them, and that is to take away their life, and to do it behind bars so that their soul never leaves that prison. This isn't about forgiveness it's about taking care of someone who doesn't care about their crime or forgiveness. There is a point of no return.

lol that seems really harsh too me kinda just pointless vengeance ,which im against because ive always felt that if all life isnt "sacred"(i hate that word) than no life is.

But if you don't care how can it be harsh? Why is it not provoking to you when a child is murdered in a most horrible way and people surround the parents in support, yet it provokes you when someone says a murderer should die to ensure they don't kill again and take a life from the lives of others?

To be honest can't remember actually writing that...that happens at times something comes from somewhere that is hidden that I'm not fully aware of...but at least is it justice and not injustice...

And just as an add, god didn't put us on this earth, we made the decision to come here and try to make a difference to the place and the lives of others, a positive difference...but we get damaged in the attempt and end up with all sorts of illnesses to show for our trouble...as they say, no good deed ever goes unpunished...

whether or not i care does not really effect whether i judge something as harsh or not, and i dont care when the child or the murder is killed the both register the same on the how much i care scale, they both just seem like wastes of life too me(not that them existing is a waste even though that is debateable for the killer but there death is)


i dont really follow this part.

I've always found those that glorify their caring are over compensating for inner lack of empathy. It becomes almost like mass delusion, one person sees candles laid at a road side and they copy that.

For me I have to go inside myself and think about what I am feeling and dont have a need to become symbolic in my caring.

Its like when our soldiers return home in coffins and the news now has a regular bit of road side for their cameras to catch every tear and sorrowful act from onlookers and family and now the family isn't just mum, dad, sister, brother it becomes more extended and cans of beer in hand and bigger and bigger flowers, its becomes grotesque almost. Yes somewhere amongst all the media circus there is real sorrow, but a lot of it feels to be false and self pity and the news crews caring more about who can get the more moving clip. We have to step outside of society's norms sometimes and ask ourselfs "what do I feel", sometimes thats all thats needed.

How have you "found" that? have you done a survey?

I believe it is inner empathy that causes people to identify with the loss of anothers child. Most people who attend vigils have known the child through school, playgroup, neighbourhoods etc. Just because the observer watching tv is not known to those at the vigil it does not mean they do not know the one lost in some way; that observation is a complete lack of empathy

Is it? How do you know that? Take care Rhiannon, I have no bones to pick with you.

Yeah the Jamie Bulger murder - I was 8/9 then, so obviously at the time it didn't bother me at all.
If his mother had paid more attention - it wouldn't have happened, so she is to blame as well.
Now I'd think "ok it was harsh" but I think it's stupid - people that don't them at all and they are so upset etc and people die all the time - just deal with it.

That last part is basically saying it's ok to kill someone - it's just the same thing really - so that would make you no different really.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Nsomthin

I was raised to care. When I was young, I asked my father why he liked to watch the news. I was raised in the '60s during the Civil Rights Movement/Vietnam War Era, so the news was pretty tragic, even the local news. He told me it's important to know about and be aware of the world around you and care about the people who inhabit this world. Caring only about yourself is shallow, and leads to a shallow life. He said "As important as you are, life isn't all about you."

I was watching the local news one night after work, and a story came on about an unidentified young man found dead in a car trunk, his body wrapped in green draperies - probably gang-related. We hear those stories all the time, so I had become desensitized. This one caused me to giggle a bit, because we had just moved in and tossed out some hideous green draperies my mother had hanging in our living room. They weren't the same drapes, but I joked at least someone got some use out of them.

I went to work the next day and found out that young man in the trunk was the son of a very dear friend and co-worker of mine. I no longer giggle over tragic stories. You never know when you might have a connection to a stranger.

I care when a news story touches me, especially if I can relate on a personal level. I care about the immigration issue because some of my relatives are in that crowd protesting in Arizona. They are U.S. citizens, born and raised in AZ, and I don't want to see them profiled or continually asked to "show their papers." The suspicion and hatred for Mexicans/people of color has escalated even here in Chicago - I can see it in the way my husband and son are treated on the streets.

I know about and care about people from all walks of life, so I care about most of the stories I hear on the news.

After reading this thread, I have a better understanding of why so many are unconcerned about the plight of those in the armed forces and our veterans. No one who has been in a war zone will ever be the same. The lives of the soldier's family and friends will be changed too.

When I see the feelings of those who mourn the loss of a mother or father, sister or brother or close friend described as self-pity, I am deeply saddened by the callousness that seems all too pervasive.

How did that old saw go? Out of sight; out of mind.

don't feel bad, you are what you are. some people are more empathetic, and others are less. thats all

I agree Byzantine.

My son served four years in the Navy and hazardous duty in Iraq as Auxiliary Special Forces. He's home now and considered a civilian, but his buddies are still over there, now in Afghanistan. I can see how the war has changed him, and I know he worries about his friends still in the military.

It's very troubling to see so many civilians oblivious to the war and the sacrifices our soldiers and their families are making. Regardless of political beliefs, they are heading into dangerous territory and sacrificing themselves for US. I find it callous not to mourn along with the family when a soldier comes home in a coffin. As exhausted as our troops are with their extended tours, I suspect society would step up and take notice if we held a draft in this country.

I was deeply troubled by the Vietnam War, even though I was a kid. I wore a POW bracelet of a soldier named Dan, whose plane was shot down. He was from our area, but I didn't know him. It didn't matter because I considered him an adopted brother (always wanted a brother). I prayed my heart out for him night and day. When the war was over and the POWs released, I watched the celebration on TV and saw Dan step off the plane onto U.S. territory. He looked good - he looked whole - it was one of the happiest days of my life. I named my son after him.

How right this is Byz. It also shows the inability for people to care for anyone other than themselves. They have no care for anyone else but carry on like poptarts because they have mental illness which they blame for their not caring.

Yet these same people enjoy it when they make a negative impact upon others by their coldness. They are hypocrites of the worst kind, and I for one now refuse to give them the attention they are clambering for

Rhiannon

should i be insulted? im not really sure most of the time , lol now i dont really think you are trying to insult me(added this part in) and im sorry if ive seemed rude or cold that was not my intention. caring for others is dificult for me and i just wanted some insight into others, like the why and how because id like to figure out something about myself

again i am sorry if this upset you that was never my intention

i dont think i mentioned soldiers or any of that , an i am sorry if i did. i understand how strongly people feel about that stuff. and that out of site out of mind thing doesnt really apply to me , im not talking about i dont care because i ignore the problems.

im sorry if the last part i said seems mean, im not trying to be

No, nsmthn no...I don't intend to insult you. When I get into "write as I speak mode I don't use good grammar or diction.

I was responding to Byz's post regarding peoples grieving being called self pity.

What I find the most interesting is those people who call mourners self pitying are the first to ask for help for their own mental illness and that's hypocritical; I should have been more circumspect.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression...

Rhiannon

For me I think I care because no one ever cared for me. Somewhere inside myself I feel deeply for others and when someone hurts somehow I can connect to their pain on many different levels. It is not for show because many times no one even knows that I am feeling sad for that person. I can watch the news and see something that can bring tears to my eyes and I many times will just stop and send up a prayer and thoughts for the family and friends.

When you never had anyone care and there was no where to turn and it seemed that there was no one in the world you feel so alone and abandoned. When I hear of a chld that is taken and later found, I feel that awful pull of that feeling of being trapped without anyone and my heart goes out with an understanding that maybe I cannot explain. I feel the fear that child might have felt through my own experience. When I was a child I could have no emotions, no one knew I was hurting or being hurt. But that does not mean that I did not feel. My feelings were pulled deep within by those within myself where they were safe.

When our soldiers and officers are killed in the line of duty, it touches my heart not out of pity but out of sadness that they were protecting our country, something I am a part of and in turn it effects us all. Maybe it is partly the pull in my heart of the loss of a good man or woman for it always seemed to me that all good was lost and pulled away. For in my life anyway, it seems that the bad always wins and gets by with hurting, it just really affects me. The families that lose their loved ones touches my heart. And many times I wonder what it would have been like to have someone love you and care that you were gone.

Maybe I am different and weird but I am touched at the loss of those that do not deserve to be hurt. So many cannot defend themselves, do not have a chance, and even if they are calling for help, no one can hear them. I know that feeling and my heart goes there when I hear things. When you have touched or been trapped in evil and bad, I think you can feel much. To care about others is in my heart. When others hurt I can empathize and sympathize with them. I can connect and many times in that connection there is comfort of understanding and hope that someone else understands.

dps

I do not think all people choose to care, With me, Caring comes naturally.

Like if someone's bestfriend dies, and there really upset, I care because I know how it feels, it really hurts and people need that love and care to get threw it. Without Care in the world, It would be a WHOLE different place.

When a child or police man dies I care, Children are young, to young to die, even though it happens all the time it gets me upset and I feel that urge to help in some way.
With a policeman, look what they do for us. They put those dangourous people in jail, without them there would be wars every minute of the day, and people would die everyday. Thats why I care about them, because when one dies, thats 1 less person to help, and he/she helped in keeping this world a little safer.

Not everyone who lacks empathy is a murderer or even relates to murderers. And some people who are capable of empathy are not always moved by stories on the news. People process empathy differently. Furthermore, most murderers are capable of empathy. Many murders are driven by intense emotion, i.e., crimes of passion.

I care because seeing some kinds of suffering almost physically hurts, and always has. I can try to rationally explain to myself what is happening, but the logic only can go so far. I don't fully know why. If I ignored it, or rationalized it away, I think I would lose some essential part of myself.

I was beginning to think there was some small taint of cynicism I was beginning to develop, in the last year or so, finally realizing to my relief it was really just a reaction to not having fully moved from caring but feeling powerless to just DOING SOMETHING. So, now I am getting involved in social issues online, and intend to do so locally soon as well.

Your comment about things like lighting some candles and whatnot as a response to some negative event was interesting. I think we do that for ourselves as much as for the victims. To actually help people directly or change a situation takes a lot more than just holding hands and singing, absolutely. It takes a LOT of effort and commitment. Which means I am going to have a very busy life, I guess.