setting goals........

I noticed you weren't on line when I got home from my riding.....that means you must be doing that paperwork you brought home......lol lol.

I remember doing that when I was an aerospace engineer......I would work 70 + hours a week & would bring work home with me too......maybe that added to my burnout that I didn't realize had hit.

You are right....your time at home is yours.....your time at work is theirs.

Please take care of yourself above all else (that should be your big goal too),
Debbie

Thanks Debbie, I'd like to chill at home without too much guilt. Not that this isn't a good idea Pat, but I want you guys as my friends not as my conscience. I did write up one case for you guys last night, but tonight it's back to mindless drivel on the tube.

You do know Topher that your mindless drivel on the tube is a goal to relax......which is what we all need time to do & escape all the things that we have going on in our lives....You definitely have your priorities straight.

Enjoy your relaxing evening.
Debbie

PS
I actually got another goal finished today. My psychologist had me working on a letter to my Mother about the things that hurt me & made me angry, & then the things I appreciated. I have been working on it for over a month.....5 pages that seem to be definitely weighted toward the hurt side. It came from the fact that I just cant seem to get into the grieving & she died in January. We were only able to get through 2 pages because there were so many other issues that have really been bothering me too. The letter is definitely weighed toward the hurt/angry side by a landslide...which may be why I don't have all the good memories I feel like I should have when I compared myself to others that were in the hospice grief group that I sat in on in April. I was surprised how many other issues just 2 pages ended up bringing out. It's kinda like pealing an onion.....you get into one layer & start to see the layer that is under that one...etc, etc, etc.

I also just got another task scheduled today also.....I talked to my equine chiropractor & we made an appointment for next week for both of my horses & several others from the ranch. Hopefully it will help my 26 year old feel alot better & start helping the bump that I noticed on Izzy's back...don't know what happened with her, but probably got in the way & got kicked by one of the other horses that are in with her.

The task of getting the asset/debt information together for the divorce lawyer is a much bigger task than I first imagined. I am surprised at how long it is taking to get all the information together....it is really producing some pretty strong anxiety attacks daily....just trying to find all the information.....I figured that divorce would cause emotional stress, but didn't realize how much stress just finding the information is causing......I guess that may be why I kept putting it off before now

Oh yes, on my way home from my psychologist session, I picked up Celia from the Vet. The spaying went fine & I got her teeth cleaned also....she ended up loosing 2 of them. I will have to take her back to get her wire stiches out in 10-14 days. She is now settled down in the large dog cage I have in my room & resting comfortably. Can't take her out to the ranch for 2 weeks....gotta keep the incision clean & we all know that wouldn't be possible at the ranch.

topher, topher, topher, i was just messing with ya. i don't want to be your conscience. i hope you aren't truly offended. it was a joke.......forgiven? pat

eskielover, you're working, woman. you have achieved a lot. i've started the rug shampooing. that was a biggie, for me.

i'm glad your dog is okay and well. they are like our children. my three keep me going. i can imagine how busy you stay with 11. the four cats are pretty high-maintenance. of course, cats are more trouble than dogs, anyway. at least that's my take.

i'm glad you're working on the letter. and i know it's very, very hard. you'll get there.

i haven't been to my daughter's house since Monday. but i work on the melodies in my head...and that helps a lot. i listen to them here.

xoxo pat

Wow pat,

You are really ambitious to take on shampooing your rug. You are right....that really is a biggie.....& it is hard WORK....not a bit of fun involved.....unless you play it like one of the seven dwarfs that whistles while he works.....maybe whistling the melodies while shampooing will help you work on the melodies too.....lol.

Thank you for your caring about my little dog....she sure is my baby....& add to that 10 more babies.....this house is just full of doggie love. I think you are right in that cats are rather high maintenance....even though they seem to be a little more independent. My little ones are constantly craving my attention & I always seem to have one landing in my lap pushing my arm until they get it to scratch their tummy or head.

Hope your rug shampooing goes well.....I admire you being able to put that much hard labour into that.

Gotta take time now to go ride my horse & feed the horses at the ranch.....thats good for the next 3 hours

Debbie

I am not offended. You are a wonderfully thoughtful person. It's OK to set goals and ask for support. I should have chosen something more benign than work. It bothers me that I am burned out so much. I need to be more self-motivating. In the end if something needs to be done, it gets done. I only wish I didn't have to struggle so much to get there. Sigh. I'll probably procrastinate to go get the newspaper when I'm retired.

Strengthen your weaknesses, and your strengths will become even stronger!

SongBird

Topher,

You know what I have realized lately is that the things I seem to have a passion for are the things that I make sure get done.....when it was my career work or now that it is my horses & dressage training.

Things that create stress & anxiety are the things I procrastinate doing....that is why my divorce lawyer had a deadline for getting in the information....because I think they know how stressful it can be & will end up waiting months to do it if there were no deadline.

I have really found lately that I do the things I like & put off the things I am not really interested in. Guess that is why goals that can touch on those things we have a hard time doing will give us a little push to do them.

Debbie

PS.....I haven't even put down my goal to clean up & pack my things in my own home....in my mind it is so owerwhelming.....I don't even know where to start....so the when is impossible right now.

I had a conversation with one of your horses the other day Debbie, and we both agree that you have your priorities straight.

topher, if you spoke to my dogs and cats, they would tell you that they have the best of care. but, then they would ask you if you have any idea when i'll get all of those boxes out of the livingroom. it's fun to play in and around them, but sheesh....are we ever going to have company?

debbie, you are right on...on priorities. if i don't have a deadline, i'll leave something til the very last...but i do the things that i like to do and do them well. at least we know where our strengths are.

i am determined to be more successful, happier, healthier, and better parent than my pitiful excuses for parents

that's an admirable goal, jennie. good for you!

Okay, I take back everything I said. I would be satisfied to be able to stay out of bed for 12 hours without a dizzy spell and head ache. It's so bad my legs hurt. My head hurts, my face hurts and today I thought I would do a marathon of paperwork. yeah right. About handled driving into town, depositing my child and getting to my desk. Couldn't function anymore. I called my T and told her I was lazy, crazy, or sick. She said I was ill and that I should start feeling better by tomorrow, 48 hours on new antibiotics. I feel like a worthless slob. There are the shelves to do and the old chest to refinish and my couch is overflowing with laundry and I am here in bed. I am making a conscious effort to be propped up thinking that lying down just makes me more dizzy when I sit up, and I am dizzy with a head ache just sitting here. I have 2 months of paperwork. I feel like the stuff the horse leaves in the ring. I fweel like a big fat whiner!

Just a little poem I wrote and wanted to share. It always helps to write down your feelings.
SGB



Coffee And A Friend

The world can take care of itself
But not me
I am so fragile,
Don't you see.

My little problems
May not seem like much to you
But believe me my friend
When I tell you it is true.

When I can't see
When I can't breathe
When I feel like I will explode
If the pressure I can't relieve.

I know it is not much
But I hold it so dear;
Just a friend to listen,
A cup of coffee and an ear.

Sara Gardner Blow(c) 2003

MissMarple (Sara),

Welcome to Psych Central......keep up the poems,,,,,,they are a great way of expressing yourself....hope you find it a good place to stay.

Wisewoman,

I hope you can realize that your crappy feeling is really from being sick....infections really pull us down so we can feel like it is the mental stuff making us feel that way. I have always had the opposite thinking.....I remember a year ago when I was feeling really lousy.....I kept thinking I had the flu....I would lay in bed for days....temp up & down & up.....dizzy, nausea....but in my case I finally realized that my husband had pushed me to the point where my depression had flared up again......first I think physical.....then mental.

In your case it really is physical....hope your new antibiotics will help.....it just takes time...especially if the first antibiotics didn't work.....you WILL feel better soon....then you can worry about the other things....your first goal should be to get better....we are here, pulling for you.

As for my goals, I just couldn't get to a mental place to go to my Mothers house....I would set a time to leave & when it came, I just couldn't go....the time will come...I know....Guess the best thing to do would really be to leave it spur of the moment....I go there when I feel like it, not it's time to go...I don't feel like it.

The information for the lawyer I have been working on daily & don't seem to get any closer to the point it can be turned....always more information pops up.

I haven't heard back from the Dressage trainers in Bishop.....I just have to wait.....not like it is critical yet. And today, I think I will give my 26 year old horse the day off.....we have riden daily for the last 5 days.....I think he deserves a day off.

There were a lot of little things that came up daily that I had to take care of that never entered he goals catagory...but they all add up to the things that had to be done....I am exhausted.

Debbie

Well Sara, I have whined and sobbed and blown my nose a few times this afternoon and even gotten supplement advice from a friend. No one thinks I am nuts except me. Sick of feeling like horse droppings. But hey, a good cry and suddnely my sinuses were draining. The moral of the story is cry more. Thanks.

Can I come take a vacation with you all? I could adapt to anything but snakes, draw the line there.

Hey there wisewoman,

Maybe I could provide you with a couple of wheelbarrels full of those horse droppings that you can throw yours in with......we dump them daily & spread them around in the jumping arena.....good way to get rid of those feelings????....lol

It is good that your cry helped clear your sinuses......it usually stops mine up......hope you don't have too many things to cry about even though it helps you.....I know I usually feel my worst when my head feels like I want to knock if off my body. Too many migraines (or just one long one that lasted 5 years) have helped me know how awful heads can make up feel.

Take care,
Debbie