[Fuzzybear]

I have a lot of "It Must be All My Fault" stuff going on whenever there is conflict between me and another person, even though I know rationally it is not all my fault. I then feel like the most worthless, disgusting, ugly person, who should be punished all their life. I had a lot of conflict with my former therapist, but it felt like he did not own the mistakes that he made. I was also blamed for "ruining" my mother's life ... she died of cancer ... even though my father was abusive towards us both, my stepmother was and is "terminally" abusive, and my mother threw me out. Can anyone relate, or offer any words of wisdom?

Take care,
Fuzzy

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you are having some problems right now.

Those are negative thoughts that play in our minds.....try to replace them with positive thoughts ok? You are not to blame for ruining anyone's life. You are worthy, sweet and a beautiful person. See how you can take those negative words and turn them around? They sound so much better so keep repeating them ok?

Love you lots xoxo


Heather

[(JD)]

Fuzzy, sure can relate. In case you have missed my previous posts on the fact of "looters" let me recap: looters are those ppl who do NOT return value for value. They take and take, and then make us feel guilty for not giving more... sounds like you need to label the looters in your life, and refuse to give them any more of your wonderful energy!

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

Dear ((((((((Fuzzy))))))): I'm so sorry. I know how awful it is when we allow ourselves to be made to feel like that - I have done it sooooo much in my life.

Now we have to put up big giant STOP signs, (saying it over and over if necessary), in order to get those negative messages/mental recordings to cease.

There is usually two or more sides to everything, but all we are required to do, or should do, (I am finally learning), is to own what is legitimately our part, and not take on the 'stuff' of others.

XOXO, Jill PS. Today, your namesake got into some laundry and was wearing some underwear on her head. lol gosh it was hysterical and delightful, too. (still has me smiling...).

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Everyone makes mistakes at some points in their life. That doesn't make you worthless or disgusting, etc........it simply makes you human.

I wish I could make it go away, but life is not that easy. Please be gentle with yourself - beating yourself up over what is done with is pointless.

xoxoxoxoxox

Mary Alice

[LadyDragus]

fuzzy, wuzzy, darling bear of my heart..
You above all should know you are not worthless. no matter what happens. you are not a worthless person..
We may have our "squabbles" but all friends do that. and we are supposed to be strong enough to make it through them and walk towards a better day and hopefully make a better person out of ourselves and do better form our mistakes..

I hope my ramblings, do not upset you.
I am only saying you are not worthless, you are a very wonderful person, and always will be..

*sperads her wings and keeps flying*



<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

[nowheretorun]

Don't know if this helps at all, but I've done thinking about that word "fault." What is fault?

Fault is the action which produced a result. Fault is neither negative or positive. As much as a avalanche is at "fault" for creating a disaster, it is also at "fault" for the creation of natures newest streams, meadows, habitats.

Fault becomes a bad thing when blame is attached to it. Would we blame an avalanche for its destruction or simply accept it as an act of nature? Should avalanches be banished from existence or linked to evil?

When my older sister announced to our family she suffered depression, she felt compelled to provide justification and blamed my mother. In turn, my mother became depressed about the guilt she felt about the blame she recieved for the fault she'd been accused of.

When it was my turn to admit that I also suffered from depression, my mother cringed, waiting for the blame to be laid on her shoulders. Instead, I chose to be silent about what I thought the cause of my depression was. Today, my mother and sister still won't speak. I have the closest relationship with her I've ever had.

What good is blaming? Understanding the cause of a thing is sufficient to understand the result. Laying blame is un-neccessary and messy. Why blame anyone, including yourself?

Love ya fuzz.....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[bptoo]

Dear Bear,

Sometimes I wonder if we had the same Mother. Everytime we talk about our pasts, it seems like I find something new that bonds us even further. As painful as those things are, the bonding is a good thing I think.

When you hear those words as a child, I think they become an imprint for the person you'll grow up to be as an adult. We were so impressionable when we were young. My Mother blamed me for her lot in life everytime we spent anytime together, and those times were few. I didn't know any better, and neither did you.

I don't have any sage advice for you Bear. But I do know that the things that happened to you when you were younger are still with you now. That's not surprising. I bet many of our friends here could say the same thing. But the person I see in you is an incredibly warm, loving, and caring person. And no matter what you were told by your Mother, it's "Not Your Fault". And you need to hear that a lot.

Ah Sweet Bear, we are works in process, aren't we? I'd be awful lonely without you

Love you,
Greg

[Fuzzybear]

no comment

Black Slime Bear

[Overcastbutclearing]

Hey Friend,
I can understand the pain.
Blame is easy to accept when guilt is all we know.
I am here for you.
Talk out your feelings.
You are in my thoughts.

BSB,
Suz

((((((Fuzzy))))))))

Caroline

[shadowdancer]

you are not a black slime bear! you're a loveable fuzzy bear! ((((((((((((fuzzy))))))))))))

and it is NOT your fault. that is our mantra.

-shadow

[January]

Dearest Fuzzy,

The abused are not at fault. Never. It is not your fault you were abused. Abusers usually lay the blame on anyone but themselves. Sometimes even abused people lay the blame on anyone other than the abusers because it's scary to accuse someone who has such power with anything.

Don't let this false self accusation get to you. It's not you. You didn't do it.

Hugs,

Jan

[Fuzzybear]

(((((( sj, Caroline, Shadow, January ))))))

Thank you all for caring!

Love,
Fuzzy