[Missquestions]

Hi all,

I would of never thought I would seek help, but it seems to me that my emotions and feelings at times has taking over me. I cannot control them I've caught myself blowing up on my boyfriend and at times I get really sad when my feelings are hurt. I feel like I've lost control of my emotions and feelings and it has affected my relationship with him. The issue started with me having an issue with him that he has an depression/anxiety issue. We have been having a lot of relationship problems and I suggested that we have couples therapy, he refused and said it will be waste of time and that he has been to them before. So he thinks us getting therapy separately will be better then couples therapy.

Basically we had our last argument yesterday and both argued that we have to try really hard to fix things. I agreed to go seek a therapist and he agreed to work on himself more so we both are not arguing with each other all the time.

So I am trying to determine what type of therapist I should seek to talk about life in general, my feelings/emotions, and relationship problems.

Thanks,
Missquestions

[Perna]

Just about any competent counselor can probably help you look at your issues. I think interviewing a few and selecting one that you feel you can work with and who feels they can help you is a good idea. Here's site I have used to learn what to look for in a therapist: http://www.metanoia.org/choose/

[Missquestions]

Originally Posted by Perna

Just about any competent counselor can probably help you look at your issues. I think interviewing a few and selecting one that you feel you can work with and who feels they can help you is a good idea. Here's site I have used to learn what to look for in a therapist: http://www.metanoia.org/choose/

Thank you for the advise, have you been to one before?

[Fresia]

For emotion regulation/management and interpersonal skills, plus other things, I found help with therapists trained in either DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy or CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Both have been really helpful but DBT was a real lifesaver for me. To find a new therapist, I ask when I call if they have been trained in one of these or some insurances even have a directory with specialties listed to help narrow the search.

I wish you the best in finding someone right for you.

[Missquestions]

Originally Posted by Fresia

For emotion regulation/management and interpersonal skills, plus other things, I found help with therapists trained in either DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy or CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Both have been really helpful but DBT was a real lifesaver for me. To find a new therapist, I ask when I call if they have been trained in one of these or some insurances even have a directory with specialties listed to help narrow the search.

I wish you the best in finding someone right for you.

i just know there are a lot of therapist out there and I have not diagnosed with anything. Maybe there is a general type then they can refer me?

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

Perhaps a consultation with a medical professional, and/or someone who is professionally knowledgeable with the various kinds of therapy, may be the wisest action to make.

Have a good one.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Missquestions,

There isn't such a thing as a general counsellor. Counsellors are trained in broad areas and some go on to specialise going through further degrees in those specialised areas, But most still train in new skills as they are developed and become available. The skills learnt are applicapble to every situation it is the delivery of those skills which defines how they will work in any given situation.

You asked for help and advice, received it and then ignored it saying you should go to a general and then be referred on. Why ask for assistance that people go to the care and concern of offering only to pretend they did not write anything at all?

Morgana

[ECHOES]

Here is a site I used when thinking about therapy: www.guidetopsychology.com.
You can find information on different types of therapies, different types of therapists, and there is a good Question & Answer section.

[sunrise]

Missquestions, I see a family therapist even though I go all by myself. He does a lot of couples therapy so he is really good at helping with relationship issues. Part of relationship issues is usually communication difficulties, and my therapist has also been really good at helping me to learn to communicate better. We have worked on my expressing myself more directly (not expecting others to know what I want and need if I don't say so), not jumping to conclusions about what others are thinking (instead, ask them!), being a good listener and then reflecting back what they say so we can both make sure I heard them and understood--stuff like that. It has been really helpful.

From reading what you wrote, I wasn't sure if the emotional difficulties you wrote about are what is causing the relationship problems or are a result of the relationship problems. It might be expected to feel really sad if the relationship is going poorly, so learning to control whether you express sadness (keep those tears inside) won't help the relationship much if they are just a reaction to a poor relationship rather than the cause. See what I mean? If things were going well in the relationship, would you be sad and angry?

Without your having a diagnosis, I think finding a good, general therapist who deals with relationship issues (as well as other things) is a good idea rather than seeking out someone who is focused on a specific technique such as DBT. I know DBT has helped a lot of people with emotional regulation but from what you wrote, I'm not sure that is the underlying issue and wouldn't want to see you get focused on something that will not get at the core problems in your relationship.... So I think a good general family T who does couples work (even though you go alone) would be a good starting point.

That is just one idea, and I understand if it does not seem to fit your situation after all, and you make another choice. It's hard from one post to know what a person really needs. I liked what ECHOES wrote about reading up on different types of therapy at that website. Maybe after reading, some approaches will resonate with you whereas you will be certain that others are not what you need at all. Best of luck to you!

[Scarlet19]

I think (and have also heard from other people) that the therapeutic approach doesn't matter as much as the relationship between you and your therapist. In my experience, I was interviewing therapists and when I came across mine, I wasn't very familiar or enthusiastic about her approach at first, but I really liked my therapist and how we got along. So I kept her, and things have been going really well.

When I was first looking, I went online and found 7 or 8 that I seemed to like, then I emailed them. This reduced the list to about 3 or 4, which I then interviewed and kept one.