Please be considerate of other members feelings

Please be considerate of the PC member's feelings when you reply to a post. I have had a reply to one of my posts and read a reply to someone else's post telling me and the other person to "suck it up" and "to get over it". This is inconsiderate. My doctor told me in one of my latest visits that if it bothers me no matter how small it may be but if it bothers me and causes me mental distress, it is a problem and must be addressed. He told my husband not to tell me "to get over it, it's nothing to worry about" or that I am silly to be worrying about it. My doctor said this makes the problem worse. He said I have to learn to change the things I can and to adapt to the things I can't. He is, also, giving me meds.

Please think before you reply to a post. If you don't have something positive to say or helpful or just letting the person know you understand, don't reply. Remember we are all having difficulties and we are here for support and to support, not ridicule someone or hurt their feelings.

I might be out of line but I had to get that off my chest. I brushed it off when it happened to one of my posts, but it really bothered me when it happened to someone else.

your absolutly right, thats the worst, when someone tells you to 'stop with the pity party' as if i want to have one, ya know? people can be so insensative, and its usually the ones that say ' oh, talk to me anytime, ill always be here for you.' the one time you call, your dismissed.thats messed up, people are so insensative.
but they get a tiny little boo-boo, and its the world coming to an end!! they cant even do a bandaid for themselfs, and yet, IM the drama.. ok..whatever.. next time i just wont reach out.sorry, im not haveing a very good day/night..does it show much?

God, have people been doing that? I know sometimes I haven't been up to answering, but better be quiet than answer like that! I'm sorry that people have been so snotty! It's not like we don't get enough of that IRL. HUGGS to both of you.

Sorry to hear that.

Trouble is on many sites such as these there appears from time to time people who just seem to want to cause distress. It is completely beyond me why they would bother. Hey ho!

I am sorry you had that response ((((((( faylowell )))))))) Not everyone knows how to be supportive or know the correct terminology. I do agree with what you say but the trouble is that this sort of post you have done here can make people feel bad. I know that was not your intention.

It is always best to bring this type of concern to admin or mods attention rather than on the boards. Also please remember you can always report any suspect post to admin/ mods and they will remove the offending post and have a quiet word with said member on how to be supportive.

you are not out of line....your right!!!

I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. Thanks for telling me the correct procedure in the future.

I do apology if I made anyone feel bad. Now I am embarrassed about saying anything on the forum.

Actually (yes, I know I'm a maverick), I AM glad this matter was brought up in a public forum. I have seen and heard from people who are receiving abusive responses to their posts. It's particularly tragic when it's a newbie. I know in one case some of us tried to respond to one soul who was really feeling hurt. She had written in--and the people who posted in response, she said, were just criticizing her spelling! They weren't even trying to address her concern.

I know moderators can't be on top of everything, but I almost think (probably impractical) more posts need to be read before they are actually posted, especially with anyone who is addressing a newbie. After all, we say "we are here to help," but sometimes we're doing a lot of damage to the poor souls who are writing in out of desperation. After awhile we learn for ourselves which people have issues that come out in their responses and "consider the source," but the newbies are assuming, I think, that the people here are mentally healthy all the time......NOT!

Sorry to air our dirty laundry in public, but I DO think it is something that the community needs to be reminded of......

Okay, slouching back to my cave......

Thank you for that. I am a newbie and Im a little confused (well I am in general as I have what they call "brain fog") about how to reply. I just replied to a post sympathizing and agreeing with someone else's anger and maybe I shouldnt have done that. I am going to have to reread the guidelines? Im confused. Anyway thanks for that.

I am glad you brought it up & I think you did put it nicely in fact.

I don't think your way of putting it should put the back up of anyone genuine and am grateful for the reminder, myself. I thought from the title it would be a moderator posting that but I am glad you did anyway. There's no reason why anyone shouldn't put up a post like that so inoffensively worded.

It's also good to be reminded of the procedure by the moderators.

What should happen when part of a post is all right but just some of it is offensive? I think it's better to debate it then.

To StacieMay and others:

I've stuck my oar in, so I feel like I should say something. I ask myself many times "Should I chime in on this (whatever) thread? Am I able to say something that will help the person and/or further the purpose of PsychCentral in general?" I think that's the bottom line. I don't know what thread you were responding to, Stacie, but I suspect that you certainly helped the person to feel better by agreeing with his/her anger. When we're angry we're angry, and I personally think that feeling should be validated. If we do believe that the person is angry about something that should be a non-issue or that the anger is not justified, then there are times where that would be appropriate to say, carefully, too. I know I have certainly second-guessed my responses sometimes--and then I do (now and then---Ha!) have someone who comes along and says that he/she thinks that my response should have been different. I do try to listen and to learn from others, and to admit my wrong if I see that I have unintentionally given poor advice.

I don't have the guidelines memorized chapter and verse, but the concern PsychCentral (PC) has is that we need to treat people with consideration, respect, and general common decency. Most of us here are NOT therapists. We aren't experts. We are fellow travelers on the road of mental illness. Sometimes we ourselves need the help of the other members, and sometimes we are healthy enough to help others in turn. We just try to help others who are experiencing the pain of mental illness the best we know how.

Does that help any? Welcome to all the new folks! I am being forward in trying to speak on the behalf of PsychCentral, since I am a relative newbie myself, but I am trying to get a handle on the wonderful purpose behind this site. Remember that any time you feel that someone has answered in a way that is mean, inappropriate, or just not helpful in any way, there is an icon to the side of the answer that you can click on that will get the attention of the moderators.

This site is a wonderful one. All organizations have their struggles and this organization is so wide-ranging in membership that it's impossible to keep everyone always in line. But I think you do see, I hope, that there are many caring people here.

This is just a quick adtional note to remind all that while deliberatley critical and offnsive posts should not be aired, it is easy to overstep the lines by mistake, as many of us who have been off (we who have Bipolar or one of the impulse control disorders) know. Personally, I have greatly appreciated the times that Ihhave been PM'd and had my oversteps brought to my attention, as most of the time offense was not the intent. this site being as it is, all of us need to be careful. I am prepared to eat crow if necessary and I am also aware that at times, I am very sensitive to others criticsm, even if it may not be meant. We are truly the injured ministering to the broken. HUUUGGGGGSSSSS

Saw that post Dear Donna was not impressed with it and left a response to it

Knowing what you have been through and how loving and supportive you are to so many shock was the response

Be assured that no one who has been here a length of time would tell you to do that that is said not in a discriminating way but because those who have been here longer know not to write something like that

It will not be long before they understand the etiquette of the site

You know we only wish you well

((((((( faylowell )))))))

I do think the reminder was a good one and I can see your intention was good yes.

But these things really are best being dealt with behind the scenes. You see, someone new might read this and decide that they are now too frightened to post for fear of getting it wrong, sitting there worrying whether they worded something correctly. We certainly don't want to put new members off.

Also your post may be talking about someone specific, they'll know who they are and to be publicly humiliated isn't they way to go about it. A gentle word behind the scenes will encourage good posting.

Don't forget you can also use the ignore tool here which is useful when we are triggered by thoughtless posts, using the ignore tool means you will not see the body of offending posts.

My best to you.

While normally I would agree that issues like this are best dealt with privately -- as others have noted, by reporting the unsupportive post using the report icon (looks like a little notebook with a pencil) -- it's good to have a public reminder of this issue once in awhile too.

That's why while I don't expect people to remember every word in the community guidelines, they do remember the introduction to the "Inappropriate Content" section which says it simply -- if your post isn't supportive, it's potentially not appropriate to our community.

Treat others how you yourself would like to be treated. I would hate to hear someone tell me to just "get over it" if I had cancer, so why should a person's dealing with depression or some other issue be any different?

Such rude comments will be addressed by us, once they are brought to our attention. So PLEASE, bring such unsupportive comments to our attention!!

Thank you.

DocJohn

don't be embarrased.

one of the things you have helped do is bring into the open how many of us are treated in real life, and it helps to know i'm not alone in feeling that way

In the course of saying what we think, it is not necessary to lose empathy or compassion for the other. Insensitivity only reveals our own inabilities to deal with the world around us. My personal preference is to view the source of the communication before I take it to heart. The beauty of this forum is we can go back and historically see who the poster is and what the nature of their posts have been in the past.

Kindness is it's own reward.

I agree donut.

The thing I love about pc is the general attitude of support. There have been days where I have posted about how hard it has been to simply make the bed, or even get out of bed! Yet I have gotten kind support and encouragement for posting about these seemingly small tasks. Baby steps. That's what depression takes, and why support is infinitely better than criticism.

I realize it is best to brin these things up with the administrators, but i do want to thank those who did bring this up for doing so. Every so often, we all need to think about this, and there are always those who never report, never say any thing, and are too triggered to do anything other than retreat and take a rude or uncosiderate answer to heart. This gives us all a chance to read that not only is it not Ok to respond to a post rudely, but that it is OK to protest to the treatment, soemthing that some of us really need to hear. Once again, thanks. And to the Newbies, HUGGGGSSSSSSSSSS and fear not! We aren't so scary!

Greetings,

I am sure if there is anything inappropriate, the moderation will take care of it. Though, I have no doubt those who may have seem too harsh, to you, still meant well.

Have a good one.