[SeptemberMorn]

This is not meant to critisize anyone, must less start an argument, but something just came to me again... and it confuses me and disturbes me. What I would like to see happen is some posting on why each of us, individually, think that we are so ready to pick something negative out of a post and completely miss the general intent? Why do we miss the "big picture" and zero in on the little things which will atomatically cause desention and hurt feelings? Why nitpick on people's personal opinions, which they have a right to, which don't really impact us one way or the other? We all have our own core beliefs and our own very personal opinions. That's fine! We're all entitled to them. Yes, I did say "entitled." We have a right to them, each and every one of us. We don't have to agree with other's opinions, but if we want ours respected, then we need to show respect for others and their opinions.

IMHO, I think we need to look inward and check ourselves out on this. We need to broaden our vision more. We need to look beyond our own noses because if we don't, we'll continue to live an isolated, unnurtured, unenlightened, loney, miserable life.

As I said before, this is NOT meant to start arguing and desention. It is MY HUMBLE OPINION to which I've a right to. It also comes from my own 62 years of having lived both ways; a narrow-minded, opinionated-and-don't-you-dare-disagree with me life and now, in my later years, having learned that listening to other's opinions and perceptions enriches my OWN life. My own life has become more rich because of it. Some of my own wrong thinking has been changed because I've listened... or have just accepted that someone else may have a differing opinion than mine.

It's been said that "variety is the spice of life." Well, so is DIVERSITY.

Opinions on this post are most welcome... as long as there is RESPECT for the other's opinions.

[jmo531]

Mama,

This is a wonderful post in which I agree whole-heartedly. I often see that when someone posts something that is not considered "popular opinion" then others will get upset or defensive and it always leaves someone left feeling like more of an outsider.

IMHO, having different points of view, different beliefs are what makes us true and unique. This is why this site is so wonderful because we are all different, but in some large way, all connected by one universal thing....our mental illness.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I agree with you and I thank you for posting this.

[Raynaadi]

Whevever there is any kind of conflict in any of the posts here, I try to remember that we are all part of a mental health site. This means that each of us is sick in some way. I try to remember that when we suffer from mental health issues, our thoughts aren't always in the right place. We aren't always in the right frame of mind. We're all in different stages of our respective illnesses, we're all of different ages, all of different backgrounds, all of different upbringings, all of different belief systems. There is bound to be disagreements, misunderstandings, arguments. I try to let it go and not get involved. I try to understand that where people are coming from in replying to any given post on any given day might not be where they're coming from tomorrow or the next day. I try to remember that we're all human, that none of us are perfect, and sometimes a remark that we deem hurtful on one day, might not matter so much the next day, or in the grand scheme of things. For me, I have to look at why something/someone upsets me, and what can I do about it? And what I can do about it is realize that I can't change it, and really, in the big picture, does one comment change my life? All I can change is myself and my attitudes. It's been a much more peaceful existence for me here, looking at it that way. If I'm not the problem, there is no solution, because I can't change anyone but me. This is how I handle conflict.

~Rayna

[h0kie]

Good point, Tomi. One that most of us are guilty of from time to time (me included). Sometimes we get so caught up in one word or phrase that we lose focus of the rest of the post.

Like Jen stated, we all have different beliefs. It is what makes us unique. If I believe dancing with my dog keeps me in a postive frame of mind, fine, I'm not asking anyone to share my beliefs! They are MINE. Sometimes people just want to share without being judged.

What upsets me as much as this are posts that contribute negatively (which is very similar to what you are saying). For example, if I post something about "stating 3 ways your eye color has impacted your life positively". What is the point of posting saying, "I don't have any" or "it hasn't impacted my life postively". It detracts from the original intent of the post and could probably be considered highjacking. It IS ok to ignore a post you cannot relate to.

tomi, sadly i remember when SC wanted a forum for sexual diversity and ethnicity. she was pummelled by people who could not have cared one way or another. it was so negative and hurt me very much to be here. and i agree with you, i'm learning a lot more now than i did when i was a narrow-minded idiot. thank you so much for posting this.

do you remember my posting about criticizing another's choices? i used the example of my dog rolling in fresh cow---- and how much i hurt her feelings when i scolded her. that applies whether we're talking about our T, our feelings, our meds or anything else we BELIEVE in.

xoxox pat

awesome post tomi ......i've been guilty.......thanks for giving some things to think about......love you

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
IMHO, having different points of view, different beliefs are what makes us true and unique.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Exactly!! How boring it would be if we all had the same thoughts, the same feelings and the same viewpoints! We'd all be clones of each other! YUCK!

Thanks for posting, Jen!

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
For me, I have to look at why something/someone upsets me, and what can I do about it? And what I can do about it is realize that I can't change it, and really, in the big picture, does one comment change my life? All I can change is myself and my attitudes. It's been a much more peaceful existence for me here, looking at it that way.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

A good sized nugget of wisdom, Rayna! Good going!

[Raynaadi]

Thanks!! I know it's helped me!

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If I believe dancing with my dog keeps me in a postive frame of mind, fine, I'm not asking anyone to share my beliefs! They are MINE. Sometimes people just want to share without being judged.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Very true! We all need to just be heard, NOT judged! I don't believe that anyone has the right to judge another. We all have our issues and we all have our excentricities. What's fair for the goose isn't always necessarity fair for the gander. Who is anyone to say?

Thank you, Erin!!

[SeptemberMorn]

Yes, I remember her starting a thread about ethnicity. She had also asked me point blank why I minded my extreme tan this year. I remember her posting about her feelings for her T. I'm really sorry that we couldn't support her with those issues. I feel partly to blame! Not because I judged her, but because I don't have enough experience with either issue. If I was descriminated against in school, well, it was nothing compared to the emotional abuse I was receiving at home.

Those times are the the ones when all we can do is love the person and ACCEPT them. If we can't accept, then leave it alone. Some things we can change and some we can't no matter how we would like to.

SC is sure a beautiful, sweet person. Wish she'd come back more often.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{Julia}}}}}} If I hadn't been guilty myself, I wouldn't have recognized the issue, eh? None of us is perfect. Love ya!

[Perzephone]

I apologize here & now to anyone I may have done this too, be it being critical of someone's idea or opinion or just responding negatively in what was aimed at garnering positive responses.

I am ornery by nature, I enjoy arguing and playing the devil's advocate, and if I can annoy or confuse someone I get a sense of personal satisfaction from it, but I can also see both sides of an argument, even in ones that I may not agree with either side. I'm trying to grow beyond my foot-in-mouth nature & trying to practice greater discernment in my words & deeds.

A lot of people in real life don't call me out when I say horrible things because I have a persona of confidence & wit, and a lot of times they just let me be mean & funny - it's negative encouragement - but I put up an intimidating front. Here, no one should have to feel intimidated enough to not say, "Hey, that was uncalled for." - to me or anyone else.

[Raynaadi]

I think this thread is a very nice learning experience! Thanks!

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{Perz}}}}}}}}}}} Humor goes a long way to making us better and those that laugh at us, too. We need to maintian a sense of humor about ourselves. I haven't read all you posts, but the posts I HAVE read have been supportive and intelligent. You've made a courageous first step by acknowledging that your humor can sometimes have an edge. in more ways than one, by friend!

[SeptemberMorn]

Sorry. Gotta bump this up again.

[eskielover]

I completely agree with you Tomi......& with perzephone. We may say controversial things but it is not always what we say, but the way we say it that causes problems. I meet someone here who had a great sense of humor....but because humor is not redilly accepted here, neither was he.

It is a rough situation here sometimes because I have found some posts I have very strong feelings about......but then decide to back off because I just can't find the way to say what I am feeling in any way that is acceptable. I know that I may be entitled to my opinions too, but not liking to make a problem, tend to back off rather than get into a conflict.

I am not good at the "I'm sorry" responses.....feel that unless I can offer something worthwhile & something that won't hurt, I just shut up. I do agree that it is important to not feel like we have to respond to every post we read. If we don't relate, it is best to just let it go to others who can relate.

I also find that when I am not feeling good, I am horrible at responding too because I don't think things through at that point.....& is safer to not say anything than to say something I am sorry for later on.

Debbie

[SeptemberMorn]

Now you've got me wondering who that funny person may have been! Sounds hard to believe that he wasn't accepted because of his humor! WOW! What a sad state of affairs!

I completely understand how you feel about preffering to back off rather than to express an opinion, especially when you know it's going to be taken the wrong way. That is also a sad state of affairs! Maybe if we didn't have the same common bond of mental illness, it would be different, but somehow I doubt it. Wherever you go, there will be those that "know" they are right and aren't about to accept anything other than their own view. What's sad is that they'll go to any extent to try and intimidate others rather than to civiley express why they feel that way and allow other's their own opinions. It's possible to express ourselves without the need to trample over those that differ with anger or critizism.

It's great of you to know your own limitations and not respond when you aren't feeling well. Our perspectives as well as our mood can really give anything an off-color for the moment then we regret having said anything later. That's really knowing yourself, Debbie! Kudos to you! Thanks so much for your input!

[SeptemberMorn]

If you try to access this thread by clicking on the name of the last poster, it will tell you Access Denied. That's why I decided to bump it this way. GGGGGRRRRRRRRR

Sure would like some more input!