[weirdette]

Hey community,
I have big issues concerning my self esteem and I really hate the way I look. Now I've lost a bet against a friend, who is a photographer. Guess what I am up to now? A photo shooting. I've seen some of the pictures he took of other people, landscapes etc. They all looked fine, no doubt about it! But just for the fact of me being in a picture, it will inevitably be ugly.
That's my way of thinking, and yes it's odd.
Does anyone of you deal with this problem, too? Do you have suggestions for me on how to deal with it?
Thank you so much.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

I deal with this problem. I no longer take pictures of myself because I KNOW they will be ugly with me in them. I took pictures a long time ago but I inevitably try not to be in pictures anymore now that my self esteem is shot to hell.

[weirdette]

Thank you for answering so quickly. The thought of being in pictures makes me want to vomit! I get nervous when I see someone near me pulling out a camera and I have no idea on how to get through this 'lost bet' thing. It feels like a threat to me and as weird as it sounds, I tried to explain that to my friend, hoping he'd understand and let me off the hook. On the contrary,he insists on this photo shoot. Now it seems like a mission for him to confront me with my fear or something. And although I know that the outcome are just some ugly pictures, I can't stop being afraid of it.

[Lilleth]

I am not photogenic I avoid having my photo taken as I always look ugly in them. I cover my face or turn away.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

Well you don't have to consent to anything that you don't want to do. So don't do the photo shoot if you are the uncomfortable with it. Why would a "friend" be forcing you to take pictures after you confided in him how you felt. Maybe he is trying to get you to face your fears and "get over it". Maybe you should also talk to your psychiatrist/psychologist about this if you have one. Best of luck

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by weirdette

Thank you for answering so quickly. The thought of being in pictures makes me want to vomit! I get nervous when I see someone near me pulling out a camera and I have no idea on how to get through this 'lost bet' thing. It feels like a threat to me and as weird as it sounds, I tried to explain that to my friend, hoping he'd understand and let me off the hook. On the contrary,he insists on this photo shoot. Now it seems like a mission for him to confront me with my fear or something. And although I know that the outcome are just some ugly pictures, I can't stop being afraid of it.

You are not alone in not liking or being phobic about having your picture taken. in fact there are millions upon millions of people who are afraid to have their pictures taken including people with native american (indian) background.

there is a belief among native americans that the camera, person looking at the pictures and the person taking the picture is stealing their souls.

Plus making you do something that you are afraid to do can also be considered emotional abuse.

bet or no bet theres no reason why you "have" to have your picture taken. if getting your picture taken feels uncomfortable to you then say no and go on your way.

[HelplessHope]

Were like the same soul lol ever since I was a child I hated taking pictures or even looking at myself in the mirror.Its gross,ugly,and I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself.I don't have any advice,but just know ur not alone.

[Omers]

That would be why I am always the first to volunteer to be the "official" photographer at any of my friends events/parties... There is no better place to hide from a camera that behind one!

[AAAAA]

I do not like having my picture taken, I never have. There hasn't been a good picture of me since my wedding. My mouth is always half open or I have a strange look on my face. I know that I have hurt family member's feelings by refusing to participate in family pictures but I stick to my guns. No pictures. I don't like them.

I think after 25 years they are FINALLY getting the message. They used to try to guilt me into it. I got to the point that I stopped going to their family functions because I knew it would turn into a big deal over the pictures. When hubby's little sister got married she begged me to be in the pictures. I just said I love you, but I am not comfortable having my picture taken and I have never asked you to do anything you are not comfortable with I expect the same courtesy.

It's very frustrating. Especially since there are those people that SAY they hate them as they're posing and in every picture.

[hayward]

I SO understand what you are saying. Here's a couple of quick examples why:

-The yearly class photo was one of the worse things about teaching school for me, to the point that when I quit, one of the first things I thought was that now I don't have to do the pix thing. when I see those pix now, I feel like I am looking at someone else.

-I HATE the way I look. And now I am old, and I think- wow- you looked better young, why didn't you think that way then since it's a lost cause now.

-I HATE mirrors, and I can tell you ones that are better than others for the 20 mile radius I am in.

-When any event comes up where there might be photos, I start to panic ahead of time and avoid the camera at all costs. If I do up having to see a photo later, I get sick about it and want to steal the pix and destroy it!

-We have also had arguments about this at family gatherings. I get the "oh just do it", and "When you argue you just make it worse." It's insulting. I think, for the most part, they are getting it, but it is still an issue.( But how would they like it if I put one of their issues in their faces?")

-Renewing my drivers license makes me sick to my stomach. It was awful last time, and I am already dreading the next. My pix is downright scary and SOOOO depressing.

- And finally, I have actually had many discussions with my husband in case of my death. No picture in the paper obituary. No service with photos around. No. No. That is not who I am/was. The only pix I like of myself are when I was really young and naive and cute.

So I am sorry to digress with my own stuff. You have told someone how you feel, and they are ignoring that. Id like to give him the benefit of the doubt, and say he's just clueless since he doesn't feel this way. BUT it's not right that he really isn't listening to you. In my case, the dread would build up and up. I guess I'd get through it, but you don't have to even do that. So what if you don't? You don't need to say yes because this guy thinks he can help you by doing it. YOu don't need to be his personal cause.
Say no if you don't want to, and then don't think about it. Maybe someday you will welcome photos, but if not. oh well... In the scheme of things, you don't need to add this to your worries. It just doesn't matter, if you know what I mean. And you have nothing to apologize for, in my opinion.

PS BTW, as a side note.. my daughter LOVES having her picture taken- always has. SHes almost 21 now, and even when she was little she would stand in front of her brother sometime. He, on the other hand, still hates to have his pix taken, but that's another story .....

[thine_self_untrue]

Ugh. I hate it too. I always seem to have some glaring imperfection and I think I look hideous/stupid/gross/strange.
Everyone looks better smiling though. Seriously. Happiness is pretty. If you look like "Oh God, get away from me! I look awful and I hate having my picture taken!" you're probably not going to look very good in the picture.
Some people are just more photogenic than others. Lucky ducks. But beauty is not just skin deep and cannot always be captured by a camera.

[weirdette]

Thanks to all of you for your supportive answers and for being serious about this. So many people don't understand that photos are like some kind of torture to me.
It already helps to know that I'm not alone with this. And also a really big thanks for the words of encouragement.I needed this and I guess I'm just gonna say no. Cause even the thought makes me feel sick to my stomach, I have a tendency to do things out of feeling guilty about something. In this case it would have been the bet. But you're right, bet or not bet,I don't have to do it!
I enjoyed the post with the tip to hide behind the camera! That's a good one, I used to do that myself. In this case, I'm just going to avoid it though. I know I'm repeating myself here but THANKS to everyone of you.

[hayward]

Good for you!!!! That's fabulous that you are making a positive decision for yourself!

[JAZZY10]

Your problem is self-esteem darling but, its not your fault. You have been raised in a society where less than 10% of the world's population take up 100% of the pages in magazines, on TV and on the movies. Reality has it that most are skinny cows, Angelina Jolly has fat lips even without make up, etc etc. (although I don't mind Russel Crow) I know a few folk who do the online dating thing and I even know a few transsexual girls, MOST if not all of them have about 500 or more shots taken before they pick the one they like best. Take up your friends offer and see what he can do for you, you will be surprised what an airbrushing and make up can do. BUT the reality is that its your inner beauty that counts and I'm sure you have that in abundance. Love for now Jasmine.

[AAAAA]

I do not agree that it is always a self esteem issue Jazzy. I agree with you on the bizarre look that society puts forth as beauty, but I am very happy with who I am and the way I look. Of course there are things that I would change if I had a magic wand, but I have a pretty healthy self esteem.

While I cannot speak for the OP, I use the picture result as an excuse not to have my picture taken. I don't like the process, maybe it's the unwanted attention; maybe it is the lack of control; I haven't been able to pin point why I don't like it. I just know I do not.

I may be the only person on the planet that does not carry around pictures of my kids. I do not make them have them taken either. I do not even own a camera other than my phone. Oddly, videos do not seem to bother me.

I would like to be able to state some deep psychological reason. I remember my Great-grandmother's phobia of taking a picture of a sleeping baby. It reminded her of the pictures they took of their deceased loved ones. My husband's ancestors believed that when you took a person's picture you took part of their soul. Maybe it is a combination of it all.

[sarek]

I am not a photogenic person myself but basically OK with it. Say cheese and pray it'll be over quick, thats basically it.

My gf however is absolutely phobic about it. She will absolutely refuse to have her photo taken. She has made only very few exceptions when she was willing to take her own photo to send it to me but if anyone else tries she will panic. I remember the two of us visiting the xmas market in Hyde Park London and someone at the Ferrris wheel wanted to take her picture. But she flatly refused that and i had to quickly escort her past the menace.

In her case its most likely cause by a combination of self esteem and body dismorphics disorder. I am working on it together with her and I feel that perhaps we have been making some progress.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by JAZZY10

Your problem is self-esteem darling but, its not your fault. You have been raised in a society where less than 10% of the world's population take up 100% of the pages in magazines, on TV and on the movies. Reality has it that most are skinny cows, Angelina Jolly has fat lips even without make up, etc etc. (although I don't mind Russel Crow) I know a few folk who do the online dating thing and I even know a few transsexual girls, MOST if not all of them have about 500 or more shots taken before they pick the one they like best. Take up your friends offer and see what he can do for you, you will be surprised what an airbrushing and make up can do. BUT the reality is that its your inner beauty that counts and I'm sure you have that in abundance. Love for now Jasmine.

question Jazzy are you this persons treatment provider?

reason I ask is because telling someone their problem is self esteme is making a diagnosis or judgement about that person. Only their treatment providers have the right to tell them what their problems are.

in my opinion not liking to have photos taken isnt always a self esteme problem. it could be a religion choice, it could be that someone was exposed or forced to do porn, it could be someone had emotionally abused them by name calling and focusing on that persons weight and how a camera can seem to add pounds, in which case the problem would be an eating disorder problem, it could also be a person just is not in the mood for posing for a picture that day..

Ive been putting off getting my work photo done because I just dont want to have it done at this moment, no self esteem problem, I just have other more important things to do right now that to take an hour our of my time to drive down to the main office, wait gosh knows how long to get into the photo room, have the photo taken and then wait around while the laminating is done..

there are just too many reasons someone might not want their pictures taken to say whether or not its a self esteem problem without being that persons treatment providers.

[weirdette]

In my case Jazzy's right. It is self esteem, or even more it's the lack of it. I don't "hate" myself, but I really do not like the way I look. If I tell that to people they always think that I'm fishing for compliments.On the contrary, I can't handle 'em! If somebody pays me a compliment, I don't know how to take it. Mostly I'll take it for sarcasm or a lie to be nice. I can't take it seriously, because I know better. Also I'm more used to being verbally attacked, so that I can deal with. Pretty sick, I know. But I am more comfortable with people not addressing my looks at all or if they do, I prefer some bad things. At least then I know they're honest with me.

[AAAAA]

Weirdette I am so sorry to hear that you are unhappy with your appearance. I know we are all human and what one person finds attractive the next does not.

The most unattractive person I have ever met turned out to be one of the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate individuals that I've ever known. Once I got to know this person I saw him, and was shocked when an acquaintance made a negative comment about his looks. Instead of seeing the things that society would dictate "ugly" I saw his warm caring eyes and beautiful smile.

By the same token I met a woman that at first blush was breath takingly beautiful. Once I got to know her I saw the cruelty in her eyes. The sinister set of her mouth when she insulted a person right to their face but thought herself too clever to be discovered. Her eyes looked beady, her nose narrow and witchlike. Instead of appearing thin and fit she looked sickly and hard.

I hope that one day soon you find a way to be happy with who YOU are. How you feel about yourself makes a big difference in how others see you.

[Umbral_Seraph]

I really hate to have my picture taken too. What's funny though is the fact that I'm very apathetic when it comes to my appearance. Two things that have always annoyed my parents.

[weirdette]

News; I'm going in for a confrontation with my fear. We talked this whole thing over again and I'll give it a try under the premise that all of the outcome is gonna be deleted.
I can bear the shoot, as long as it's not eternally there for everyone (or even myself) to look at.Of course there was the expected offer "but if you do like one of the shots, we can keep it"... don't think so. As long as no one hits me with a pretty stick: DELETE!