[Distressed2010]

I've changed careers many times. But I always wanted to be a performer, as in an actor... Now I'm actually pursueing my dreams after getting done with academics, got my bachelors and masters.. not in acting though.

But I always have this fear that stops me from moving forward... When the time comes to start pursueing something, I feel like I'll work super hard and it'll all go down the drain. Most of the time i'm weighing whether its worth to do it or not.

For example,

I need to lose weight. I constantly fear that I'll go for jogs, and eat right etc... and then I might lose weight, but then I'll gain it back, so then whats the point??

What is this? Is it a fear of success or failure?

I also feel that IF i do become a known actor, something I do or something will happen that will pull me down.. so then what do i do next?

Am I too obsessed with the future?

Idk why I'm just not able to give it my all to anything. I'm scared all the time.

Hello, Distressed2010. Whether success or failure it is fear. According to the DMS-IV, rationalization occurs "when the individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by concealing the true motivations for his or her own thoughts, actions, or feelings through the elaboration of reassuring or self serving but incorrect explanations."

Are your concerns about gaining the weight back or getting pulled down rationalizations for your fear? If so, perhaps you might benefit from choosing some goals you are less afraid of to engender confidence?

“First you write down your goal; your second job is to break down your goal into a series of steps, beginning with steps which are absurdly easy.” ~Fitzhugh Dodson

Good luck.

[Gus1234U]

it's hard having to question everything you do, for a motive, or a cause,,, i hope you find a way out of that,,

sometimes in order to "peek under the hood", as it were, we need to stop judging and just let whatever is happening be OK. it must serve some need, or it wouldn't be happening,, so try to relax, use anxiety management skills,, (learn them if you haven't already) and then let your inner child reveal itself to you in it's own good time.

best wishes,, Gus

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, Distressed2010. Whether success or failure it is fear. According to the DMS-IV, rationalization occurs "when the individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by concealing the true motivations for his or her own thoughts, actions, or feelings through the elaboration of reassuring or self serving but incorrect explanations."

Are your concerns about gaining the weight back or getting pulled down rationalizations for your fear? If so, perhaps you might benefit from choosing some goals you are less afraid of to engender confidence?

“First you write down your goal; your second job is to break down your goal into a series of steps, beginning with steps which are absurdly easy.” ~Fitzhugh Dodson

Good luck.

I don't fear that I won't lose weight. I fear that I'll gain it back... in the sense that I know things change... but I like to do things in the "to get them permanently done"... The fact that I can gain weight again... appears as a downhill thing in my head. Just like the example of okay I'll be successful, and then I'll fall down, then what?

I feel like things done have a point in life. Like, do i want to be successful. Yes. But I'm afraid I wont' be successful...

I hope I'm not jibberizing and am making sense sometimes its hard to put thoughts into words.

[madisgram]

oh i think it's fear of success and fear of failure. i had that too at one time. try to stay in today and not project the outcome cause it may cause you to "shoot yourself in your own foot." staying focused on your task helps also. once again, not projecting the outcome. if you slip and fall down get up, brush yourself off, and begin again. soon you will be able to fufill your dreams. i was amazed at my own success-not braggin' just happy-when i overcame these fears. just take baby steps to gain your confidence in whatever you do. make a list of your accomplishments. reread the list-keep it with you -whenever your fear arises. it's like affirmations about yourself. that helps too.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by madisgram

oh i think it's fear of success and fear of failure. i had that too at one time. try to stay in today and not project the outcome cause it may cause you to "shoot yourself in your own foot." staying focused on your task helps also. once again, not projecting the outcome. if you slip and fall down get up, brush yourself off, and begin again. soon you will be able to fufill your dreams. i was amazed at my own success-not braggin' just happy-when i overcame these fears. just take baby steps to gain your confidence in whatever you do. make a list of your accomplishments. reread the list-keep it with you -whenever your fear arises. it's like affirmations about yourself. that helps too.

Hey! thanks, Can you recommend some resources?

And, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope you had a great trip!!!

I think I also have the "what if" disease as Leed mentioned earlier... how can i cope with that?

[eskielover]

It's the hardest thing to take that first step........One can never really know how things will turn out & I have found that the path can actually be exciting & interesting. However it's important to be in touch with reality along the way. I was a music major even got my AA degree in it, but to be a professional performer on my flute was never going to be a reality & needed to find something that would really earn money.....so who would think, I went from music to computer science & ended up in an firmware engineering position.....it was a lot of hard work......but it was worth every minute of the hard work it took.....while I was still able to enjoy my music as a hobby in small chamber groups while still able to earn a real living.

Have learned over the years that anything that happens is for a reason & is really a step either for learning something more about life & about myself......interesting about your weight issues.....I have always been small.......stress ended up causing me to deal with anorexia several times in the last 15 years.....along with one period of being way overweight when my migraines were horrible & I couldn't ride my horse or even function.......but now after the last struggle with stress caused anorexia, I am now at a healthy place in my life, took a risk & left my husband, moving 2200 miles away from where I lived for 54 years to a place where I didn't know anyone at all.....huge change at that time in my life after 33 years of marriage.

Change can be good & can open the doors to a wonderful new life......sometimes we just have to take the leap of faith knowing that it won't kill us & the worse thing that can happen is that we find it isn't as good of a situation as we had hoped for....usually, it ends up being the best thing that we could do. Taking risks are tough & hard to push ourselves into.....but the rewards are something we couldn't possibly experience if we hadn't taken the chance.....we never know until we try.

[lonegael]

Another good thing I learned is instead of making the goal something that is prone to the succeed-fail game, is rework the goal so that it is win win; every little bit helps. Focus on general improvment of health. That way, even if you gain some of the wight back, maintatining the focus on your gneral health and global well being will keep you from being totally shot out of the watter if a few pounds come back, and will probably help shed them again. For that, though, you have to really shift that focus for reals.
So don't just excersize for weight-loss, work up your condition or strength, replan your diet so that you get all the food areas in and so you eat better, not just low calorie, and so on. And make sure that you nourish the creative side of your life and your mind as well. If you make one thing the whole goal of your life, you're going to be more likely to fall back into bad habits and sabotage it. If you want real results, strengthen all of you!
Huggsss!

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

I've changed careers many times. But I always wanted to be a performer, as in an actor... Now I'm actually pursueing my dreams after getting done with academics, got my bachelors and masters.. not in acting though.

But I always have this fear that stops me from moving forward... When the time comes to start pursueing something, I feel like I'll work super hard and it'll all go down the drain. Most of the time i'm weighing whether its worth to do it or not.

For example,

I need to lose weight. I constantly fear that I'll go for jogs, and eat right etc... and then I might lose weight, but then I'll gain it back, so then whats the point??

What is this? Is it a fear of success or failure?

I also feel that IF i do become a known actor, something I do or something will happen that will pull me down.. so then what do i do next?

Am I too obsessed with the future?

Idk why I'm just not able to give it my all to anything. I'm scared all the time.

Fear of failure and sounds like failure to success but you are not alone I have these same issues like you said with the lossing weight I keep telling my self that Iam going to start eating healthy and lose 50 pounds and its a fear In me saying what will people think about me If I do this and I know I need to change my eating habits and drink more water and when I go to the stores I dont buy water it be sodas and powerade .So Iam going to get help for it because no way In the world this is normall.Hugs wish you good luck

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by lonegael

Another good thing I learned is instead of making the goal something that is prone to the succeed-fail game, is rework the goal so that it is win win; every little bit helps. Focus on general improvment of health. That way, even if you gain some of the wight back, maintatining the focus on your gneral health and global well being will keep you from being totally shot out of the watter if a few pounds come back, and will probably help shed them again. For that, though, you have to really shift that focus for reals.
So don't just excersize for weight-loss, work up your condition or strength, replan your diet so that you get all the food areas in and so you eat better, not just low calorie, and so on. And make sure that you nourish the creative side of your life and your mind as well. If you make one thing the whole goal of your life, you're going to be more likely to fall back into bad habits and sabotage it. If you want real results, strengthen all of you!
Huggsss!

Thanks Loneangel, I completely agree with you and that is actually what I tell myself, that I'll be eating healthier and live a healthier lifestyle, food, exercise, etc... but then the thought gets to my head.. "omg I'll always be worrying that my weight doesn't tick off this certain range... and I'll always have to control my diet (problem is I love all sorts of food and no i don't have a weight problem but I need to tone down a little..) but the fact my weight will fluctuate and i'll constantly have to watch it bothers me. In the sense that I like to do things and get done, as in once i've accomplished a goal, i'm done i never look back at it again and this just seems that sort of goal that I'll constantly have to look over and it will never really be completely finished... do you see what I'm saying?

So then i think, whats the point. I'll gain it back anyway, then i'll have to redo. And I've actually done this like about 3 times already. And also i get bored very quickly. I'm also scared, i'll get bored and will stop, then i'll gain weight.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

Thanks Loneangel, I completely agree with you and that is actually what I tell myself, that I'll be eating healthier and live a healthier lifestyle, food, exercise, etc... but then the thought gets to my head.. "omg I'll always be worrying that my weight doesn't tick off this certain range... and I'll always have to control my diet (problem is I love all sorts of food and no i don't have a weight problem but I need to tone down a little..) but the fact my weight will fluctuate and i'll constantly have to watch it bothers me. In the sense that I like to do things and get done, as in once i've accomplished a goal, i'm done i never look back at it again and this just seems that sort of goal that I'll constantly have to look over and it will never really be completely finished... do you see what I'm saying?

So then i think, whats the point. I'll gain it back anyway, then i'll have to redo. And I've actually done this like about 3 times already. And also i get bored very quickly. I'm also scared, i'll get bored and will stop, then i'll gain weight.

And its not just about weight. That's just an example. Its actually everything. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll work super hard and still won't be satisfied in life ?

[eskielover]

There are risks in everything we do in life......even stepping off a curb. Thing is if we aren't satisfied in life, we just need to keep trying until we find the things that satisfy us. Sometimes there are things that don't satisfy us actually in with the things that do. Sometimes we need to earn the money to do the things that do satisfy us......can't always have complete satisfaction unless really lucky to begin with.....& then sometimes things change while we are in the middle of them & we become dissatisfied......life is just a number of choices one after another, tweeking it until what we are doing is acceptable to us....this is coming from the life experience of a 57 year old who has gone through a career & ended up loosing it & trying to find myself again. It all works out well looking back even though it sure didn't seem ok at the time.

[lonegael]

Ah distressed, at some point, that is life. When it comes to certain things, all of us have somethings that we will never have "done". they will be things that will always be things in progress. I have my wicked temper and my bloodthirst- yes, you read correctly, not to mention my own weight issues that i will have to keep working on all my life. Coming at all of them through impulse control, my psychiatric and my spiritual issues have done wonders, and I have found ways that help me maintain involvement that I for the most point enjoy. That's two things to remember. You have to accept that this is a long term issue, and find a way to handle it that you can enjoy, which makes returning to the program easier to return to if you fall off the horse.

I notice you are already anticipating the maintanance as a long stay in purgatory, right? Is it helping? Not meaning to be mean, just trying to help you turn the thinking around a bit.