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#1
Dec 27, 2010, 11:33 PM
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I have a hard time letting things go. I hold grudges horrifically. For pete's sake things that happened in elementary school still infuriate me!
Abuses that happen in the past still have hold over me. I still gnash my teeth over things that happened to me. I still am angry about being bullied. I have a hard time letting anything go. Logically I know it's ridiculous, but still I have a difficult time with things. Maybe it's because of my Balkan ancestry? I don't know. Do any of you have problems with letting things go? If any of you have achieved the skill of letting crap go, please be so kind as to help those of us who haven't! |
 notablackbarbie
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#2
Dec 27, 2010, 11:51 PM
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YES YES YES! I have MAJOR issues with letting things go.
I am always remembering things that bother me in personal relationships. It doesn't even have to be something said or done.. it can just be a glance- the way someone looked at me, or a physical response to something I said. When I was 14, an 8 year old remarked on a physical characteristic and it saddens and angers me to this day. I sometimes fantasize about contacting these people and making them "pay." There, I said it. I ruminate all of the time about what I should or shouldn't have done or said differently. Replaying it over in my head. I could go on and on but I won't. The bottom line: No, I can't help you with this, except to say that you are not alone! Maybe someone else can help us both! |
| notablackbarbie
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#3
Dec 27, 2010, 11:56 PM
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Quote:
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#4
Dec 28, 2010, 12:32 AM
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Hi SlatkaMala and Hayward! I can't help much because I am quite an angry person and I also have a hard time letting things go!! But, one thing that does help me is if I remind myself that I am giving away my power if I let things or people from the past control me. They've already hurt me once, and if I hold on to my anger then I'm just letting these things continue to hurt me. Anger and resentment are really heavy loads to carry and I find it exhausting when I get stuck in an obsessive loop of angry thoughts. It's definitely not good for my health either. Plus I hate the kind of person I become when I have this giant chip on my shoulder. It makes me bitter and unkind.
Obviously it's not as simple as simply making a decision to let it go (I've tried that unsuccessfully!!) But when the angry obsessive thoughts start plaguing me I really try and remind myself that I'm only hurting myself by letting them control me. Then I either try and distract myself or find some other outlet. The two outlets that help me the most are exercise and journaling. In the longer term it can be helpful to work with a therapist on assertiveness techniques if you notice a pattern. Anyhow, I know full well how difficult this can be and what I've written here is way easier said than done!!!!!!!!!
__________________
 Peace is every step ~ Thich Nhat Hanh |
| hayward, notablackbarbie
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#5
Dec 28, 2010, 04:30 AM
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Sure. I can still get furiously angry. Elementary school and J. High were horrible times for me. Kids have not developed empathy at all, where they have it is very spotty, and they are little pack-animals. What helps me is reminding myself that really, it was the grownups who should have been more on top of things. Kids don't have the developmental sense to know where to stop. Now I have them, I know.
it leaves scars, doesn't it? Something hits you the wrong way and it hurts. Then the anger comes. At soem point, I starting trying to tell myself that the best revenge was a life well lived. I couldn't let them continue to have that much power over me. Once, whne I was home for a while, my son was at a day care run by a girl I wasnt to school with. Her stepsister made my life hell in Jr. Hih school, and was a totally different girl than the day care teacher. Once, I and my son's day care teacher were gossiping about her, and the teacher said that this one -time bully had gotten so far into drugs that both of her children were badly handicaped from the use during pregnancy - in fact, I saw her with one of them as I drove back home with my son. I sat that night and cried for that woman and those kids. I think I can honestly say that I forgave her, maybe even before I had known what had happened. You know what was wrong with her ended up destroying her. I may be bonkers, but I have two relatively happy, healthy kids; my youngest's problems aren't due to my actions. I have a good education, a good man, and can still steer much of my life. She is still trapped. So in the end, who is the victim? I decided not to be destroyed early on. The results don't come over night, but the past is a dream. When you get angry, it's because something tells you, the past is still relevant. It's up to you to decide if it is. Man, I'm Preachy! Huggs and I really hope you can ditch the anger. It can eat you up. It nearly did me! |
| hayward, notablackbarbie
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#6
Dec 28, 2010, 06:50 PM
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I'm a firm believer in what everyone has said here, but I also want to say that when I had my meds adjusted properly, I found things don't bother me the way they used to. Meds aren't the answer to everything, I know, but it sure feels good to not be in a rage and looking for a fight anymore!
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| hayward, lonegael, notablackbarbie, sundog
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#7
Dec 28, 2010, 06:55 PM
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Quote:
I'm really glad you're doing so well on your meds! 
__________________
Peace is every step ~ Thich Nhat Hanh |
| lonegael, wing
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#8
Dec 28, 2010, 06:58 PM
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I understand and feel the same way. I am looking into an anger management group at the Human Service Center, where I go for my counseling. All I can say is I understand, I feel the same way, and would love to learn how to let it go. So good luck to all of us!
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| hayward, sundog
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#9
Dec 28, 2010, 07:09 PM
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I had a very bad job ending experience about 2 years ago. I was crushed, so very hurt thinking that my boss and I had been friends. I built this up in my head so much that I was convinced everyone in town knew all about it and was on her side. Driving past that work place made me sick to my stomach. The one time I ran into her, I couldn't even look at her. The whole thing got bigger and bigger in my head.
What has helped for me is time. I still don't want to talk to her or see her ever again. I am so hurt and angry. But I am now being a little more realistic about the far reaching consequences of all this. I give myself too much importance here; the people in town have better things to talk about- I am a legend in my own mind! |
| lonegael, notablackbarbie
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#10
Dec 28, 2010, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
 That is very true!! I'm really sorry you had that experience, but you are so right that we do tend to overblow the importance that other people attribute to our unfortunate experiences. The fact is, most people are so pre-occupied with their own issues that they really don't spend too much time thinking bad things about us!!!!
__________________
Peace is every step ~ Thich Nhat Hanh |
| hayward, notablackbarbie
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#11
Dec 28, 2010, 07:15 PM
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I also don't let things go but I don't ruminate, I just disengage and stay alone. I learned to act like nothing bothered me and so now I live in that gray, lifeless, airless space.
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#12
Dec 28, 2010, 10:56 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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