[Onward2wards]

I've been thinking a lot about the decision making process.

When told I am engaging in "Black or White" thinking, and need to "introduce some more Grey", I very often recoil as if in horror. I think I know now why this is.

I think the "fatal hesitation" I am often prone to, and the unease at hearing "shades of grey" are due to the fact that I already see the world in terms of shades of grey! I always look at both points of view, all the outcomes, all the possible variables when making any decision. This takes time; sometimes an excessive amount of it. Why do I do this? Because I am driven by a very deep desire to find the most effective, ethically pleasing and efficient course of action. I seem to have a profound, innate dislike of wasted time and energy, lost opportunities and needless, harmful mistakes, whether those affect me or other people.

I often have to resort to Black or White thinking to "increase the amplitude" between relative courses of thought and anticipated action (and I suspect that's exactly what happens on the neuron level - like boosting the signal strength of two radio stations so I can hear both more clearly) until the "shade of grey" reaches a sort of critical level where the right action becomes suddenly obvious (eventually, lol!). "Eureka, that's it!!"

Another thing I've noticed about myself is I am very, very non-compartmentalized - there is an awful lot of metadata floating around in my head - everything in life seems to "connect" to everything else, everything "means something". I have a metaphorical, poetic brain that inadvertently slows itself down by sprouting thought, feeling and sensory associations between things to a massive degree. This has its advantages, but ALL my thinking is "deep", which leads to problems all its own. I can't multitask, "switch gears" or "think on my feet" very effectively, but give me some quiet reflection time and I can come up with something useful. Also, my intuition seems to operate very well (except when I am stressed, then it is worse than useless) and I do well with creative work and synthesizing information. Give me a complex problem to chew on and I am in my element; yet often the most stupidly obvious things escape me. I seem to be the Bohemian Artist/Scholar type who forgets to tie his own shoelaces half the time.

I can see the merits in this way of thinking: no unpleasant surprises (except for the untied shoelace type moments); all the variables properly analyzed and fully cross-referenced. Anyway, it just deeply "feels right", it's my hardwired and learned way of doing things. But how do I make faster and more effective choices, without wearing myself out or grinding to a halt?

(1) Be extremely clear about the desired outcome (using my visualization and imagination skills seem to work very well here).
(2) Keep in mind the personal boundaries involved (my own and others), and don't let them become too flexible or too rigid.
(3) Reduce my innate tendency to pay excessive attention to negative information - watch out for excessively fear-based patterns of thinking (I am very susceptible to those, and they can be extremely subtle).
(4) Watch out for thinking errors (like catastrophizing and generalizing). I think the more metaphorical your thinking is, the worse this can get, because your default approach is to use information to guess what's going to happen next and imagine consequences you can't see at this moment. Metadata "fills in the blanks". A vital tool, absolutely, but what happens when it simply jumps to the wrong conclusion?
(5) Stop overusing the connections between what you know - stop abusing the metaphorical brain. TAKE MORE ACTION! Test the waters more. Challenge that "need" to feel 100% secure about the smaller decisions. This gives the brain more experiential information to integrate, which should lead to better decisions when it comes time for the Big Stuff. More direct experience = more chance of mistakes, but also more accurate metaphors! (This implies restoring balance between Neuroticism, Openness and Extraversion personality traits).
(6) Practice calming and centering exercises regularly (anxiety reduction)
(7) Avoid using an excessive amount of sustained "left-brained, analytical thinking" ... for some reason this leads to useless rumination very quickly, except when I restrict this approach to "short bursts".
Dammitt Jim, I'm a poet, not an engineer!

Think back to my neuron-as-radio station metaphor - what I'm doing is reducing "signal noise" and "interference" by deliberately modifying my patterns of thinking. I am also giving this cross-referenced brain clearer instructions on what data I need pulled up and when. I don't need half the library when I am just looking for a single book, but I also want it to be the right book for me.

I am going to try this and see what happens. Does anyone else notice themselves operating this way? I hope this post gets you thinking (but not too much ).

[wing]

Wow! Nothing to be added to this, O2, other than to say after careful study, i understand what you're talking about and hope your system works for you.

[madisgram]

simply put, when "shades of grey thinking" was presented to me in therapy, i had a difficult time of rewiring my way of thinking. everything was extreme...i liked you or i didn't like you, i was rigid in my relationships-very conditional thinking, etc. in "shades of grey" i am more forgiving of other's faults and my own. i am able to let go of the controlling behaviors i had/have. i learned i didn't have to be perfect all the time nor expect it of others. i am more willing to live and let live. i got out of the "debating" society in my mind. i learned how to relax. i learned to "play".
hope this gives you some insight to another's perspective.

[Onward2wards]

Originally Posted by madisgram

... very conditional thinking, etc. in "shades of grey" i am more forgiving of other's faults and my own ... i learned i didn't have to be perfect all the time nor expect it of others ... i learned how to relax. i learned to "play".

Thanks for your input. I have to admit I am really eager to defend conditional thinking, aren't I? I've even caught myself thinking "Fun is serious business" (!) at times. You've given me more information to integrate.

Like I said, my neuroticism/extraversion/openness traits need some "rebalancing". I'm working on it. Uhhhh ... playing with it.

[TL]

Wow On...talk about food for thought!

[Crew]

Well said O2,

As you have written from a very deep part, I yearn to find people willing to go "deep." My mind works in similar ways and yes I hear you regarding the metadata floating around the head as well.
What you wrote simply put chills down my arms because of the way you said that. Thank-you for posting because I continue to learn about my "shades of gray" as well......

again for sharing your deep feelings...,
Your Friend,
crew

[(JD)]

Me thinks you think too much!
Quite a construct regarding reasoning as to why you fall into black and white thinking. Alas! Your very need to have more clarity is what propels your black and white thinking, lacking the ability to be comfortable with a grey answer. Most people with such (black and white) thinking are forced into it by some authority figure who demanded on perfectly accurate, best, results, and not allowing for anything less than that. Nothing of the common phrase, "Good enough for government work" that allows for something that works well enough "to do the job."

My impulse is to declare to you to find those lesser decision areas (shall I have pasta, potato (friend, baked, or steamed) or rice (brown, white, yellow) and rather than making all those choices decide to pick the second one that comes to mind and go with it! Meaning? It doesn't matter so often that you can go with a grey area decision and if you find out you didn't like it you can choose differently next time.

Being comfortable with less than perfection is not an easy task. For many it has everything to do about themselves! It has no lasting reflection upon you, whether you make a perfect decision each time. If image is part of the equation for you (I don't know) then consider being someone admired for being happy with making a decision without laboring over it, and being comfortable with it...knowing it isn't the end of the world and we all get another chance later on.

By the way, the very listing of your goals in such a manner has set you up to black and white thinking again! Think about that!

Be well.

[Scarred Poet]

Hi Onward2wards,
I will have to re-read this and reply in more detail...there are lots of shades of grey here..yet you write with absolute clarity!
Oh so brief and limiting but... my mind and "software" works this way. I am forced to generalise in order to set the outer boundaries of a given subject. Those with sufficient IQ and self awareness will remain engaged and we are able to drill down into the infinite angles.
Perhaps I have learned some of the self management techniques that you describe...as I have gotten older I find I am able to speak initially with more precision than when younger and less confident that I was sane.
Speaking about emotion, thought and perception is as difficult as describing a colour in a phone conversation.. you just know that there is insufficient detail to address the multitude of possible interpretations by the other party. I take your point that a certain level of "accuracy" is sufficient more often than not; more explanation may just be OC, but still...don't we feel that if only that "colour" could be explained better then your respondent would share the same rush at it's true perception?
This of course applies to all subjects, images, concepts, new designs, takes on historical events, engineering, metaphysics....
All I can say is that I am thankful for our huge brains and our capacity to continually write revised software to keep pace with the ever increasing volume of new information.
Thank you for this... you have me thinking ( but not too much). The downside of this awareness of infinity is that many will look askance and mutter WTF! The upside is that some will be encountered who will say " Yeah, but what about this..." Another layer upon the layers.
I would rather be mute than to live in a dumbed down awareness.

I seem to have a profound, innate dislike of wasted time and energy, lost opportunities and needless, harmful mistakes, whether those affect me or other people.

What would be the downside to your self-concept if you wasted time and made some mistakes? Would you, for example, conclude the concept you describe is deficient and requires more work, or something worse (I always make mistakes)?

But how do I make faster and more effective choices, without wearing myself out or grinding to a halt?

I expect with practice you may navigate your list more expeditiously. The parts that deal with recognizing not every decision merits a thorough due diligence should be very helpful in reducing the time involved.

When I was a practitioner, it was important to be totally professional. Nonetheless, I would give the client the option of foregoing certain work that might be perceived as overkill in the interest of saving the client some money.

I have not endeavored to formulate a process for decisions as you have done. The important thing is how you feel about it. If it works for you, who am I to argue?