[Greenleaves]

As a lot of you know, I recently experienced the death of my pet hamster Hammie.

Right now I'm thinking about death and it scares me, a lot.

I just went to the Health board and right now I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of all the bad things that can happen to a body. I'm afraid for the health of others here.

I'm afraid to die. It is strange, just two weeks ago I was thinking about death too, but in a different way. Now I'm afraid to die. I'm afraid of things and people dying. I don't know how to cope with this fear.

I just want to feel normal again.

[maverick]

I think being afraid of death IS normal, it's a scary thing, even with faith of God, etc; who really knows what the deal is until it happens to him or her? As far as coping? Maybe just accepting that you are afraid of death IS coping, surely, trying to deny that would be not coping, but repressing. Hey, just my 2 cents of thought, not really attempting to find your solution, but agreeing with you (after all, we're all in the same boat).

[maverick]

It occurred to me, I don't even know who I'm talking to, who you are, how old you are or anything; anyway, did you get another pet, or are you thinking of getting another pet?

Rob

[misty]

I am more afraid of living and yet something keeps me going on.

[eskielover]

Greenleaves,

When we experience death in our life....it is natural to think about it. I know my Mother died this year of cancer & I was with her 24/7 for the last 2 months of her life. It was very sad to know that she was dying without the support of her Dr's or the people around.

She was continually asking me when she was going to get better because she & all her friends at church were praying for her. She never would admit that she was going to die except for a few comments here & there. When I first realized that she was dying, her surgeon kept telling me that he "got it all" in the surgery. How you can be sure that you got all of stage IV cancer is beyond me when it had spread as far as it had. Watching her go down hill & loosing her cognative abilities to think, reason, or even speak was scarry & I learned a lot about how the mind & body works at the end of life.

Her pastor talked to her a bit about dying I think but not knowing how much. Her boyfriend from her church would look at her on a good day & say she is going to get better because she is having a good day......one good day here or there in my mind didn't make any difference in the end result...but no one was willing to hear that.

It was hard for me to tell my daughter (she is 27) that grandma was going to die. They were closer than I was with my Mother. My daughter was my best support of all because after she realized the truth, we could both discuss it & what was going on. My mothers was very strong in her religion & from the time my father had died 16 years before she said that with her beliefs she was ready to die at any point it happened. That was strange because at the end, she fought dying very hard.....I could see her hanging on.....struggling very hard to breath after the cancer had spread to her lungs.....I am also sure that the cancer had spread to her brain because she could no longer understand much of anything. It wasn't until I was finally able to sit down with her & tell her that it was ok for her to die & that she shouldn't fight so hard to live because even if she lived it wouldn't be the kind of life she wanted to live. I told her that Pops was in heaven waiting for her & so were her parents. That once she let go, she no longer would be in pain & that the world she would be going to would be so much more beautiful that here & the things that went on wouldn't follow her there. It seemed that she was fighting to stay in the life she knew rather than to let go for the unknown (death) that her religious belief told her about...death was still the unknown.

The one thing that is constantly on my mind about death is that the choices we make can make a difference in how we die. A friend of mine from college hated to go to Dr's & had many serious health issues that he pushed off without doing anything about it......then when things got really bad, the Dr's started treating the things that were wrong......it was only a couple of weeks before he died that the Dr's determined that it was non-hodgkins lymphomia (cancer) that he had. He chose not to be taken care of & the Dr's didn't know what to look at until it was too late. My mother had noticed a lump in the vulva area.....she didn't want do do anything about it because she had to take her driving test & didn't want to have a surgery for a cyst before the test. She went in & they did a biopsy that showed cancer then was sent to the oncologist surgeon. I went to the appointment with her & the tumor was the size of my fist....(she swore it was the size of a marble 2 months earlier....impossible)...by then it was stage IV & later the surgeon told me that "when she came to me she didn't give me anything to work with". Even when my father died 19 years ago, he had bypass surgery 5 years before......He had a Dr appointment just the week before he died & his medications were changed. He got sick with what seemed like the flu & bronchitis....having a hard time breathing. My mother had decided that he needed to go to the Dr that day but he died of congestive heart failure (fluid around the heart & into the lung) before the appointment.

The aspects around death are definitely scarry......not only the fact that our decisions can determine what our cause of death is & what we have to go through before death, but also the unknown about what is after death. From what I have realized, no matter what our beliefs are, after death is still the unknown & human nature seems to be such that we fight to keep what is known rather than giving into the unknown.

The unknown is the basis for being afraid.....what you are feeling is very normal. I hope I didn't hijack your thread.....didn't mean to do that....only tried to put into words my fears of dying & of the experiences that we go through on the path to our death. These thoughts have been at the top of my mind for the last few years. Reading your thread & with the thoughts I have been experiencing, brought into words the feelings I have been feeling.

Debbie

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It occurred to me, I don't even know who I'm talking to, who you are, how old you are or anything; anyway, did you get another pet, or are you thinking of getting another pet?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm 23 years old and am a student. I still live with my parents. I don't have any other pets and I'm thinking of getting another hamster.

[Greenleaves]

Thank-you Debbie for sharing your story. It seems like you learned a lot from your experiences. I don't have much life experience at all.

I guess death is just scary and there is nothing one can do about it.

[weather]

When my parents died, my lawyer said "You occupy a lonely position. You have moved to the head of the line."' Potential non- existance, at least in this world doesn't thrill me either. All we can do is not waste our time. Insofar as it is possible do what makes us happy, collect happy moments to carry with us when the time comes. None of us knows when we will die. Maybe tonight or in a hundred years. But at this moment on this day, we are very much alive. The present is really all we have.

[maverick]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves said:
Thank-you Debbie for sharing your story. It seems like you learned a lot from your experiences. I don't have much life experience at all.

I guess death is just scary and there is nothing one can do about it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Two things occured to me, one, maybe some of your fear is that of dying without having lived a "full" life with all the experiences it has to potentially offer. Borrowing from Debbie's wisdom, reach a little outside of yourself every day, give yourself new experiences. Do something new, explore. I'm sure you notice, if you give a hamster an environment to do things and explore, he/she seems happier. I feel people are highly effected by environment.

Two, "I guess death is just scary and there is nothing one can do about it" is a poignant and insightful way to put it- hmmm, it would make a great title for a book.

Let us know if you get a new hamster, and what his or her name is

By the way, how do you highlight just the part that you want to show as a quote? I could only quote your whole response.

[jmo531]

Your fear is indeed very normal. That is peoples #1 fear is of death. I am extremely afraid of death. I have worked myself up into an hysterical panic at times thinking of it. Other times, I can think "calmly" about it.

I do beleive that our fear comes from the "unknown". What happens after we die? Where do we go?. These questions can cause alot of fear and anxiety.

The fact is, no one knows........I know that losing Hammie as stirred up some valid feelings and I am sorry you are going through this.

Last year I lost my Uncle in March and lost my Mom Mom is November. I faced some feelings and fears that I had never thought of. Realizing your mortality is very scary.

I am really sorry if I wasnt much help. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in the way you feel.

Take care.

[maverick]

Weather said:

"The present is really all we have".

So true, how easy is it to spend time worrying about the past, or thinking about the (unknown) future?