[nothemama8]

as most of you know I help run a IRL support group in my city, this past Wed. I received a call at 3 A.M. I have been monitoring one of the members meds for her cuz she has been not doing well, she called demanding the pills back and was coming in 20 minutes to get them, I told her she couldn't have them until I spoke to her case manager. She and her case manager came for them around 2:45 P.M. and she was placed in crisis unit, she was released from crisis on Monday have been trying to talk to her to get her connected with detox (possible med od) she has avoided all my calls, found out she's in the hospital from her case manager, and is safe. Now she refuses to talk to me and YES darn it I'm personalizing, I'm good enough to call at 3 AM but not now, she is going on a contract she needs to get into anger managment, and 1 on 1 counseling before she comes back here, she has everyone here upset, she got mad at me cuz I caught her stealing. Am I being too hard on her, need support on this one folks, HELP
Angie

[SeptemberMorn]

The way I see it, Angie, is that she's her case manager's responsibility, not yours. You are the facilitator, but you have your own rules and boundaries. If I was you, I'd wash my hands of her.

"You fool (screw) me once, shame on you. You fool (screw) me twice, shame on ME!"

[biplol]

Angie, I agree with Sept, let her go, it's not going to do you any good, and we know, we don't need more crazziness in our lives.
~~~hugs to you, for support and for seing how a good person you are for caring so much~~~

[nothemama8]

I hear you loud and clear Tomi, I've work with this girl for the last 3 years and this is basic how it has been, for the health and safety of the others she needs to go to the provider agencies, we're for those who are ready for growth.she has not grown. We have a young lady who has grown and has a part time job in the community and the others are coming along well, these are who I'll focus on
Thanks Tomi for screwing my head on tight
Angie

[nothemama8]

that one of my biggest problems , I care too much. Thanks for the support and advise
Love
Angie

[sabby]

You have to do what is best for the group as a whole. You cannot bend the rules to suit one individual. Everyone needs to have accountability for their actions. It sounds like you are making her accountable and she doesn't want to accept that. So, it's time to cut the cord and move on.

Caring for folks is one of the hardest jobs anyone can do. We do personalize things as much as we try not to, it's too hard not to now and again. We also have expectations of ourselves that at times, we cannot possibly meet. It's not for a lack of trying on our part, but rather the lack of trying or ability on the other persons part.

Hang in there!! (((((notthemama8)))))

[January]

I totally agree with Tomi.

(((((((((((( Angie ))))))))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

[(JD)]

I don't think you are being too hard on her. And yes, please don't take her actions personally.

I'm glad you were there to help her, and continue to assist her even when she can't figure out what to do or how to do it

[Perna]

If she won't answer your calls, she won't answer them. If she's in the hospital and safe, that's fine. When she gets out, have some conditions in place if you're still interested in working with her (things like no more calls at 3:00 a.m. and/or getting meds from you then -- no way she needed then them, I would have chewed her out for calling and told her (and her caseworker, had I answered the phone at that hour and not hung up on her/them) no, you cannot come get anything from me now, I'm in bed and you just interrupted my sleep)! I'd chew out the caseworker on that one. I can see someone who's got problems being a problem but not a caseworker thinking it's okay to come at 3:00 a.m. for pills that can't possibly be needed then when everyone is supposed to be asleep. I'd set boundaries for sure working with both of them!

This and legal reasons is exactly why in the group that - I - run - I - make it very clear that everyone in the group has a responsibility to take care of themselves.

that no one in the group incluiding - ME - is responsible for their own triggers and behaviors. No one monitors anyone in - MY - group.

MY group is a self help group not a babysitting prevent other members from killing themselves, self injuring and or taking or not taking their medications.

If something happens to the members and - I - was the one monitoring and so on not only would the member be upset with - ME - for following the states law and mental health guidelines that a person who is a danger to themselves or others needs to be referred to the local ER for possible inpatient care, But - I - would also end up in a lot of legal hassles because - I - am not a state certified and or licensed therapist and neither are the members while attending - MY - group.

To enter - MY - group ALL members must meet with - ME - first before entering the group.

During those first few one on one sessions - I - work with the members helping them to fill in the emergency contact list.

This is a list of support contacts including their therapy agencys main number and the agencys after hours phone number, their therapist phone number(s) family physician and friends outside the group that they can call anytime.

- I - also hand out a paper on the rules of the group so that before even entering the group they understand the group is NOT a therapy group.

- MY - group is a self help support group where we challenge each other to look at our problems and take care of those problems and locate resourses in the community to help ourselves, and no one is expected to take care of someone else in any way shape or form. That is for thier personal therapists, doctors and so on to do.

This group has been running on and off depending on how many members there are for the past 4 years and I have had no problems with anyone not being able to monitor themselves and their behaviors.

Maybe what I am doing with my grous -meeting the group members before they enter group and having them fill in an emergency contact paper and letting them know that they are responsible for their own triggers and behaviors and so on will help you not to get into this situation again.

Hang in there.

[LMo]

((( Angie )))

You did a good deed. Your Karma = +1. Her Karma = -1.

that no one in the group incluiding - ME - is responsible for their own triggers and behaviors. No one monitors anyone in - MY - group.

LOL That is supposed to be no one is responsible for others triggers and behaviours. Everyone is responsible for their own triggers and behaviours. No one monitors anyone in - MY - group.

Sorry for the confusion.

[JustAPixie]

Hey Angie, I find sometimes that it is difficult to help people who don't understand that you are trying to help them, they see it as something bad. But I have also find that sometimes they realize later on how valuable you really were and that you indeed were only trying to help... I hope that one she will see you in that light. But as Tomi said, it is not your responsiblity... Keep your distance and your boundaries to protect you from anymore emotional damage...

Take care