[wi_fighter]

How can I help my daughter do homework in a subject that I never even learned myself?

I can't admit to my ex that we failed. I can't.

I'm so stupid, an idiot, I can't even find the help we need online.

[wisewoman]

Hey be real, I couldn't keep up with my kids in math after 7th grade. Find a tutor if you need to. It doesn't mean your a failure. My baby had to be tutored all the way through calculus, and not by her parents! Loosen up, when will I need calculus again? Be kind to you and get her a tutor.

[wi_fighter]

It's algebra. How can I not know algebra? I can't even understand the examples in the book. I might as well be reading a foreign language.

She's already failed all of her first quarter classes and she's on track to fail the entire first semester.

She needs help now, TONIGHT, immediately. This can't wait.

[LMo]

OMG - SHIRLEY!

You are NOT really beating yourself up about this, are you? Come ON. That's not reasonable. Algebra is not easy. If it were, they'd teach it to kids in 2nd grade.

Most people struggle with it. And this is not a personal failure on your part. Stop that negative self-talk.

Do I need to fly up there and give you huggles?

[eskielover]

Don't feel bad.....my parents couldn't help me much past grade school. There is nothing wrong with that.....we don't hold it against our parents. I was always able to find a solution for myself. I stunk at chemistry & my neighbor did well in is....so.....thus the tutor....at least I got by. I was mostly able to not need help......just dug into the subjects deeply & found the answers myself. It was a struggle at times. I also struggled through my 2nd year of algebra...my best friend just breezed through it & her parents couldn't help her either....so she helped me in that subject too.

Just because you can't help your daughter do homework.....there are many other things that are important in life that you are probably more than qualified to coach her through.

My parents struggled just to get through high school.....I graduated from a community college with a music degree (AA)....& I graduated from the university with my BS in computer science & accounting information systems. I had the ability to far exceed my parents in the education world....but looking back at my parents.....I see the problems were in areas other than school that they couldn't help me with. Those were things that were far more important in getting along in the world than my education.

The other thing I also found out from even being a parent myself (I have a 27 year old daughter).....they usually learn more about what they don't want to do from us rather than learning the things we may be able to help with. To be honest....my whole life was based on learning from my parents what I didn't want to be like. I am sure my daughter learned the same from us.

Don't beat up on yourself because of homework issues.....be the best parent(s) you can....it will mean more in the long run than homework.

Debbie

[LMo]

If not algebra specifically, you can teach A. to persevere and to maintain her composure in the face of difficult challenges.

You can do it, SS. I know you can.

[Twinks]

wi fighter,

Don't feel bad. I have a 14 year old in high school and I couldn't do her geometry homework if my life depended on it.

Try this. web page

Twinks

[wi_fighter]

It would be great, but it's $49 to join the site so I can get help for the exact book she's using.

[wi_fighter]

Don't anyone bother giving any more Algebra help. Don't waste your time. I still don't get it. I can't comprehend it at all. You might as well be talking to a monkey.

[LMo]

What do you think your options are, Wi_fi?

[Parker10]

Hey g/f............if all parents were judged on their ability to help their kids with homework - in every subject - I expect many of us would FAIL ! "Back in my day" many many of my classmates NEVER took Algebra at all ! So - how could they possibly help their kids with it? YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE AS A PARENT !!!!

As for letting "you know who know".........FORGET IT. If she is failing as badly as you say - exactly when did he show his brilliance and help her with her Algebra?

Try and find a high school math wiz - and have her tutored. My son had a tutor for Algebra........even tho I took 3 years of it........never used it, didnt retain it !

Quit beating yourself up please...........this is NOT a reflection on you !

[dexter]

WI I want to repeat what others have said... this is not a reflection on you!

Math programs change over time, and even if they didn't, you can't really be proficient with stuff you don't use daily. I am actually EXCELLENT in calculus... but I haven't used it in several years now and when I see calculus stuff I can't even remember what the symbols mean anymore. Same with programming... I am trying to learn that again and I am picking it up slowly but I have to keep up with it to remember it. If you don't use it, it doesn't really attach to anything "meaningful" in your memory so your memory flushes it to make room for more useful stuff. And I know from knowing you here that your brain is fiilled with TONS of useful stuff, that is, useful to you in your life.

It may be too late for tonight but I used to be good in algebra, if you wanted to post some I might be able to figure out what it is about. I do think it is a good idea to look into hiring a tutor for her. Or talk to the teacher and see what recommendations they have. I doubt they would expect you to be an expert on the particular subject matter, and if they do, then they aren't living in a realistic world. Sure, algebra has its place but not for everyone, jeez.

And I also agree with others... not only is this NOT a reflection on you but the school is grading HER knowledge of algebra, not YOURS... and I firmly believe that parents have to be involved with school but that means setting up a good work environment and encouraging the child... it does NOT mean you have to understand the subject matter for every class, that is the TEACHER'S part of the equation. Just the fact that you are frustrated with this tells us that you are concerned and are doing what you can. But "what you can" is to encourage her to study, make sure she understands the importance of school, etc.

You are a good parent, give yourself credit for caring and putting in the effort. It is your attitude of trying to help that will do the most for her, teaching her by example to work hard and do her best.

[Perzephone]

{{{{{{{WI Fighter}}}}}

I'm trying to go back to school & having to take 3 math classes before I can even qualify to take Basic College Algebra, so don't feel bad - I never even passed it in high school - a teacher gave me a 'pity D-'.

I bought 'Algebra for Dummies' & the textbook I bought for my basic math class is the teacher's edition (I found it on half.com - the school wanted $90 for it, half had it for $30) so I could flip back & forth while I was doing the exercises. It's got all the steps laid out, not just answers to the questions, it's also got 'teaching tips' that outline different ways of explaining the problems to make it easier for students to understand.

Try looking up the ISBN of your daughter's textbook online & see if you can find maybe a slightly older teacher's version - it may help.

Talk to your daughter's teacher, too - maybe you could 'sit in' on a class or two & see if you can grasp what the teacher's trying to explain?

[SpazKatt]

Wi Fi, my mom wasn't good at math so she wasn't really able to help me. She let me knew that she had problems with it and encouraged me to seek a friend or talk to the teacher to help. I am not so good at math either so it helped me realize that not everyone is good at everything! I don't have kids yet, but when the time comes when they will be working with fractions...I know I will be unable to help. You are NOT "too stupid" *HUUUGS*. I also suggest talking with her teacher, my mother did that and it helped a bunch.

[wi_fighter]

I just got email from her teacher. She's not taking lecture notes, copying problems from the board or writing down the assignments, and is disorganized.

She suggested putting her into Intro to Algebra because homework is easier, but she still has to take notes, write down assignments, and be organized.

We all know she's smart enough for Algebra 1.

How well do recorders pick up lectures in class? If she refuses to or can't take notes because of her attention problems, is that the next option? I don't want her dad being her at-home math teacher. He screams at her if she doesn't understand his instructions and insists that his way is better than the teachers'.

[wi_fighter]

I'm guessing that her lack of note taking and inattention is the problem in ALL of her classes.

She got an F in Science.
She got an F in English.
She got an F in Spanish.
She got a D in History.
She got a D in Algebra.
She got a D- in Health.
She got an F in Art. That one totally baffles me. This kid LIVES for art.
She got an F in gym. HOW do you get an F in gym? They have written tests, she doesn't like her teacher (I don't blame her. Teacher's already left bruises on her arm because she got mad at her last year), so she doesn't participate in class.

Cripes! I'm going to have to home school her at night on top of her going to public school during the day.

[LMo]

I'm so sorry, S. You have been through so much lately. This is the last thing you need

[jennie]

((((((((((wi_fighter)))))))))) something is going on with her if she isn't even trying, especially in a favorite subject. does she have a counselor or willing to talk to school counselor?

[ozzie]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. My daughter is an architect which required a lot of math. The other night she called her dad who was an engineer which also required a lot of math. She was trying to find the answer for her son's 4th grade math question!!! I don't even remember the question much less the answer. lol.

Anyway, my daughter and my husband didn't know the answer so....she called my youngest son who is student teaching 6th grade math and he was able to help with the correct answer.

You haven't failed!

[wi_fighter]

She has a counselor right now. Her answer to why she's not doing the work is "I don't know." Her answer to what she needs to help her is "I don't know."

She said if she stayed with me full time that she'd do better in school, that her dad stresses her out too much. Well I can't take the stress anymore. She's going to have to stay with him on her scheduled weeks to give me a break. At least he's not calling every other day to check up on her any more.

[LMo]

Would it be completely out of the question for you to have a heart-to-heart with him and ask his advice? Explain that you spend HOURS each night with her but if she's not taking notes or paying attention, you don't know what else you can do?

I know he's a, ahem, mean man, but sometimes people respond better when you ask them for help and advice than when you dig in your heels and remain sullen. I know that you anticipate him reigning superior if you were to ask... but maybe that's something you could talk to your T about? Seeing if there is a way to reengage the mean man as a team member instead of as the enemy?

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((wi))))))))))))))))))))

I've been there with both of my kids. I couldn't answer their questions, but they still both think I'm kinda sorta smart...unless they say that only when they want something.

wi, can you ask your daughter about another kid that can be a study partner with her on this? ask her teacher about that possibly? we do that here within our school system. it's a free sort of tutoring...the kids LOVE it. both of my daughters helped other kids. my youngest got help once with guess what...a math class that she was having problems in...algebra (and she was an honor student prior to that and is since). it's so hard for some of us to get!

i suggest asking the teacher about a child who does very well and might consider working with your daughter. if not, as your daughter who does really well and about asking this child to help a bit? it's really a fun thing to do and helps alot...other kids know how to help one their own age to "get it".

good luck. you're an awesome mom!

kd

[SpazKatt]

hey Wi... this sounds like 2 of my cousins, they had troubles paying attention and got similar grades. Have you ever had her screened for ADD? This seems like classic ADD symptoms. I know some people have things against medications. BUT both of my cousins were put on aderall and they went from D's and F's to B's and A's !!!! They only take thier medication on school days. Just a thought.

[SpazKatt]

P.S. I would be FURIOUS if my child came home with bruises, that is not acceptable. NO one "deserves" to be hurt, maybe she is being abused and it may be part of the problem?

[wi_fighter]

She's been tested by a neuropsychologist this summer, who only had her dad's version of her symptoms, and he diagnosed her with borderline ADD and suggested a med trial. Had he gotten information from me and her teachers, there's no doubt in my mind she truly has ADD. She's been on medication before and it helped. Her father is completely against medication. He's of the mindset that if you ignore it, it doesn't exist; if she wants to improve her grades, she'll just do it.

She's also having a problem with weight gain and growth, so her GP doesn't really want to keep her on it, even though he knows she has ADD too.

Talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I'm going to have to talk to him about this. Really not looking forward to his holier than thou, I know best, you can't make a decision attitude. But he has to realize it's nothing I'm doing wrong. It's not like I'm letting her struggle at home intentionally. If she took the notes and could pay attention, she wouldn't have the grades she has.