[Butterfly_Faerie]

Not sure if this is the correct place or not, if not then feel free to move it.

We talked about my mood, how things are etc, then we talked about the ex. The one that I was with for 2 weeks and then he went out West, i've mentioned him in other posts before.

She said that he seems to be trying to cause doubt in my relationship with my current bf of over 4 yrs, I live with him. Just making comments about when I say he is going away on a skiing trip, he kinda gets mad and says why isn't he bringing you with him, because I don't ski? He said then it doesn't matter he should pay for you to go at least to see the sites. Stuff like that, he wants to meet my man, not sure that is a good idea though, I don't know if he'll see something that he doesn't like and start something. I don't want anything messing with my relationship.

I met him last week... he came to my parents place, he said that he meant to come back and win me back, or fight for me something like that it was one or the other... All I said was oh boy, I mean what do you say to something like that after 6 years of not seeing eachother, and only 2 weeks we were actually together before he left 6 yrs ago.

Aparently he's told everyone about me, people out West, people here, his friends and co-workers, if I was to walk into the resturant where he works i'm sure people would turn and look at me saying, that's the one.

Is this something I should be concerned about? My psychiatrist said to watch for red flags, I did see them at the begining but don't anymore, or are there some and I'm just blinded to them? I don't know if this is an obssesion or not.

[ozzie]

Hi Sundance. I'm glad you talked to your therapist about your ex's attentions lately. It's my opinion that your ex is obsessed with you and is trying to interfere in your life. I'm basing this on previous posts as well as this one. This is just my opinion but I would continue to watch for red flags.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Thank you Ozzie for your reply. I don't know if it's gotten that far... who knows, i'm staying gaurded though. I don't know what to make of it yet. I told my psychiatrist that if anything comes up before the next time that I see her that i'd phone her.

[ozzie]

That's probably a good idea. Whatever happens, stay safe.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Aww alot of thoughts going through my head with this, likely everything overboard, the daydreams are back...

[dexter]

No matter what his motives, don't let him mess with your thinking! We learn a lot in group therapy about cognitive therapy... changing the way we think for the benefit of our health, and it is true that we can work on changing the way we think into more positive ways of thinking that will ultimitely improve our health. But on the same hand we don't want to let other people influence our thinking in a negative way... case in point your ex's comments about your bf.

The ONLY think that matters is are you upset or think it is wrong for him to go on the trip without you? I doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with it, he is just going to do something he enjoys. Now your ex is trying to tell you that there is something inherently "wrong" in that behaviour... don't let him put those ideas into your head! The only "right" or "wrong" are what you decide is right for your relationship. Don't let him define a "ruler" for you to judge your current bf against, especially when that ruler is all gonna be marked with inchpoint that show you bf in a bad light and your ex in a good light.

Instead of your ex worrying about "what your bf would do if he really cared" what your ex should be thinking about instead is what he himself should be doing if HE really cares about you. If your ex really cares then he should NOT be trying to manipulate you in your relationship with your bf... that is a sign of disrespect and selfishness, not of caring and love.

[(JD)]

How can you call him an "ex" if you were together only 2 weeks? Well... really. And WHO'S obsession are you asking about, his or yours? I think I see red flags all over the place! Take care of yourself! (((hugs))

[Butterfly_Faerie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
How can you call him an "ex" if you were together only 2 weeks? Well... really. And WHO'S obsession are you asking about, his or yours? I think I see red flags all over the place! Take care of yourself! (((hugs))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

him obsessed possibly with me, we were seeing eachother, we were still together when he took off, we tried our hand at a long distance relationship and saw it going no where and dumped him for my now BF.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Yup I know about cognitive therapy, all to well, and I think the odd time he is trying to mess with me abit, by throwing things around like what isn't he doing this and that, trying to make me doubt my relationship which isn't going to happen. I'm cautious now that this was brought up, I didn't think of it that way before.

Nope I don't care that he goes on that trip without me, as long as he phones when he arrives so I know that he got there ok. Skiing and winter sports isn't my thing at all. Besides it's a guy thing with his dad and his ski buddies. YeahI can understand you when you say to not let him to tell me what is right and wrong in the relationship. I don't let what he says about that bother me. I know what I have and I love it. Perhaps in his mind he sees that as something that is negative and feels that he could do better? I don't know 6 yrs is a long time.

I would never cast doubt on my bf or judge him in anyway, he's my guy, love him to peices... I wouldn't let any one mess with that.

You are right dexter about the manipulating part, my psychiatrist through out that warning to be the other day during the session, and now i'm being cautious now that I have seen it.

I don't know what he thinks he will get out of this. I told him that if it came down to a choice between him and my current it would be my current, I have 4 yrs with him besides I can't be with someone who runs all the time, that cannot keep promises that is unpredictible in behaviour, and is not all together there. I told him I was his friend, that I wish the best for him and I hope that oneday he will be happy. At least he hasn't been phoning yet since our meet. At least he has a job which keeps him busy...

I just want him to be able to move on and seek out a healthy relationship that works for me, he's tried to but doesn't feel worth it etc. Feel bad for him...

I know I shouldn't, he did mention rape to me, I guess it was a threat 6 yrs ago, should take that as a red flag?

[eskielover]

I guess I have a silly question....but if you were only together for 2 weeks & that was 4 years ago when he left for the other side of the country, why is he still involved in your life sense he has been giving you problems for that whole time?

Guess the pieces don't make sense in my mind.....if it had happened to me....but definitely not to judge.....just to question.

Debbie

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I don't think he is causing problems, I just have to be cautious because it's been 6 yrs and he still wanted me back.

I cared for him, and he has alot of problems and i'm there if he needs to talk, whether that is something that is wrong I don't know but I feel bad for him, and even though he is a bit strange with that stuff he is easy to talk to.