Interesting Session

This session started out with T asking me what went on in the ER room. I explained. I thought I had been triggered by the need to hear that he loves me (since my father never told me this).

But, interestingly, before my session last Thursday, there was an older lady waiting to pay. She was one of my Dr.'s clients. He was so kind to her. (My father was emotionally cruel to my grandmother who had Alzheimer's). I remember thinking how much I loved my T when I saw him acting this way.

He asked me about my feelings from back then and I started telling him about things that had happened (he had heard of most of them). He told me that I was able to tell the story but was unable to see the bubble over other people's heads (I guess like what they were thinking or what they were feeling?). I asked him if most people were able to do this and he basically said yes (with a long explanation).

He then asked me if it would be okay to have another therapist in the room to help us figure out where to go next. He made sure that I knew that he wasn't leaving.

He also asked me about where was the stuffed animal that I took. I told him that I left it at home. He said that he wanted it back. I asked him if it had some kind of sentimental value to it. He then said, "I'm trying to figure out why you want to keep it." I told him that I held it the whole time I was in the ER. He said to bring it next time and we would talk about it. He said that he wanted to explore it a little more but would probably let me have it. He told me that I was more important than an old hippo Oh, he always compliments me so, LOL!

He also told me that before my husband came to pick me up, that I was very child-like which was interesting to me. I had grabbed the hippo and laid down on his couch (which I had never done before). He asked me this question: "The one time you told me that you felt your Dad loved you was one time when you were sick and he took you to the hospital. Is this what you were trying to achieve?"

Wow. What a great hypothesis. I don't know, but it sounds right.

The other therapist is a woman. This should be interesting. I see him on Thursday, but don't know if the new therapist will be there or not. Ughhhhhhhhh. Can't somebody figure me out so I can go on with my life? I guess we'll see . . .

Wow, Soliaree sounds like an interesting session. Did he say anything about the other therapist? Like why he chose her to compliment your treatment?

Do you think that he is trying to get me to change therapists? Like get me used to her and then push me out of the nest?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
N0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I don't think I'm going to be nice to this @#$@#!

Soliaree, that does sound like a very interesting session with insightful connections made to your past.

I don't understand about the second therapist. Why will she be there? Often therapists consult about clients with a colleague, but why in the same room with you? Do you know what it is he can't figure out on his own? Do you think your issues are outside the scope of his usual practice and he just needs some advice?

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Do you think that he is trying to get me to change therapists? Like get me used to her and then push me out of the nest?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, he did tell you he was not leaving you, so he seemed to anticipate you might react that way and he was trying to offer reassurance. Maybe just believe him?

((((Soliaree )))) Sorry I didn't mean to imply that he was wanting to get rid of you. In your post you seem to indicate that he was committed to working with you and I'm sure he is. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. I was just curious why he wanted someone else in on your treatment? He sounds like he is wanting to keep you on as a client. Just by what you posted I was thinking, why does he think you need two therapists? I'm sure he is just wanting to provide you with the best possible care he can. If he said he wanted to keep treating you, I would believe it.

I don't think he is trying to find you a replacement Soliaree but of course I don't know him.

How long have you been seeing him? You have the right to ask him why he wishes to have another therapist in the room. Have you ever had therapy with a woman?

Lenny

(((Soliaree)))

I'm glad you are safe and feeling better. And good for you that you kept the hippo!

I want to know what other animal choices did you have. I like zebras better than hippos :-)

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Maybe just believe him?

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Hmmmmmm. I'll have to think about that one, Sunny. I'll try.

He said that he felt like he wasn't helping me and that he wanted someone to come in for a different perspective. I think we are having so much difficulty because of the nature of the problem. I love him so much (not a romantic kind) and have expressed that to him. I know it is because of my past with my father who is now deceased. So, when I ask him if he loves me he has to say that in order to help me he has to remain detached. While I cognitively understand that, emotionally it makes me a wreck. I can't even begin to use my thoughts to control my emotions on this issue because they are mega intese. So, I guess he doesn't want me to keep coming in and feeling rejected but doesn't know what to do.

Please realize that I KNOW our therapists can't be our friend, blah blah and so on. I just DON'T feel it.

She may be there at our session tomorrow, but I'm not sure. It will be interesting, though. I'll keep you updated.

McKell,
It wasn't you who made me think that - trust me! I guess it's a fear that may stay with me for quite awhile no matter what he tells me. I explained in my reply above why I think he is pulling in another therapist. Thanks for the hugs! I need that

Lenny,
Hey! I've seen him for 2 and a half years. I have had therapy with two other women and neither of them worked. I never had this issue with them. But, I never got anywhere with them either.

MissC,
Thanks for the much needed hugs Yeah, right on about the HIPPO! That really struck me as strange. I told him it hurt me when I asked if I could have it and he said as long as you bring it back. I think it was then that he realized that I was just looking for a part of him to take with me to the ER. I can't figure that out - did he think I was taking it to gain power or something? LOL

Then Tuesday he said, "I noticed you didn't bring back my hippo." Here's how the conversation went from there:

Me: "Oh, I forgot."

T: "Yes, I see you did. Please bring it back"
(At this point I was thinking, WTF?)

Me:"Oh, Okay. I'm sorry. Does he hold some significance for you in some way?"

T: "I just want him back."

Me: "Is it because someone special gave it to you, or it reminds you of a certain time?"
(Yes, I was totally badgering him over this Hippo, LOL! I'm so proud of myself

T: "I'm just not sure why you want to keep it."

Me: "Well, you just throw it over there in a pile like it means nothing to you." (LOL) "I held it the whole time I was in the ER so I could feel you there with me."
(At this point T changed his tune, why?, I don't know)

T: "Well, YOU are more to me than any Hippo."
(I'll bet none of you have EVER received that compliment from one of your Ts, have you? I feel so, well, special)

T: "Bring it in with you the next time and we will talk about it."

Geez, what is up with this guy? Should I bring formal adoption papers for him to sign? I told him that if I was going to steal something and NOT return it it would have been his stupid timer! God, I hate that thing with a passion!

Now wasn't that session time well spent?

Sol, Just wanted to tell you that I TOTALLY understand what you mean when you say you "know" something but you don't "feel" it. There is a huge difference.

Maybe he thinks that having a female perspective might help because it is the "love" feelings you are dealing with?
It doesn't sound like he wants to stop seeing you. It sounds like he wants to make sure that he is seeing the "whole" picture. I would rather have a t. who is open to other thoughts and/or ideas than one who felt they knew everything. Just a thought.

tulips

McKell,
Good Question. The hippo isn't exactly the cutest but I always root for the underdog (or underhippo). I didn't exactly chose, I just went over and grabbed something before T could say no. I'll check out the selection tomorrow, and, well, if there's anything you'd like I'm sure I could arrange something (LOL).
DO YOU NEED A TIMER? Now that I'll give you for free, LOL.

So true, Tulips. There is a huge difference between our thoughts and emotions!

I totally agree with you and don't mind that another T is going to join us, just so long as she's not there to take his place.

I wonder what position she'll take on the Hippo.

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Soliaree said:
I can't even begin to use my thoughts to control my emotions on this issue

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I'm thinking, hmmm, well, of course not. Why would you even want to do that? It sounds like repression. And it wouldn't be healing at all. I know you know this but I'll just throw it out--accessing our feelings allows us to get to the root of the problem, and without getting to the root, the problem cannot be solved.

You hang in there, Soliaree. I loved the Hippo exchange with your T, especially this line: "Well, YOU are more to me than any Hippo." I would treasure that forever. It would be fun to write imaginary lines that the client said to get that response from their T. Since I am overweight, my conversation might go like this:

sunny: I found out I gained another 3 pounds. Some days I just feel like a hippo.

T: "Well, YOU are more to me than any Hippo."



Sorry to sidetrack....

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Soliaree said:

I wonder what position she'll take on the Hippo.

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Don't know the answer to that question, BUT it did make me giggle......

((( Soliaree )))

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He made sure that I knew that he wasn't leaving.

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I just wanted to remind you that you said this initially . Keep believing it!


The guy is attached to that hippo! Perhaps he needs it for his own sessions...lol.

I do love what he said about you meaning more than the hippo

It sounds like a very interesting session and I love his association about feeling loved by your dad when you were sick and what you recetnly experienced.

I hope you'll let us know how it goes when you take the beloved hippo back to his dad

<font color="green"> [b]Perhaps the issue is that you 'took' the hippo instead of asking for it? A number of weeks ago my therapist had this pillow that had a seam that had let go and I had teased her about it. She commented that she needed to get someone to fix it and that other clients were making it worse. Well, I immediately offered to fix it for her and she said something about not having asked me to and that she was not trying to coerst me into fixing it.

Long story shortened, I took the pillow home. While I had her pillow, I hit a rough spot emotionally and found that cuddling the pillow helped me. I did the mending - all the while envisioning her praise {blushes} but forgot to bring it along to my next appointment.

We talked about that and she said that I couldn't keep her pillow, but offered a couple of ways for me to have a pillow that would mean her to me. Although I was embarrassed to admit it, I really wanted it to come from her without me contributing anything more than the desire. And she decided to buy me a pillow! I knew she doesn't like to shop so that was a big deal. She had my pillow on her sofa when I came in and it is mine and came from her. It wouldn't mean as much if it had not been freely given. Oh, and I did bring her pillow back. lol

Bring it back and ask if there is something you could have to help you keep the connection real for you.</font>

This may be a long shot but maybe he wants the hippo back because other clients are attached to it too?

This missing hippo might cause a few meltdowns. Does he see kids too? Again, I'm just shooting this idea around.

The pillow response above got me thinking about it that way. That T wanted her pillow back and then bought her a new one. Maybe for the same reason?

Anyway, he isn't trying to get rid of you and I disagree with him that he isn't helping you. It is because he is helping you that all of this is coming out. He needs to roll with it!

You've been there over two years so I'm not understanding this other therapist and I would ask more questions about why he feels this is necessary.

Is he asking or telling you? Can you say no? If you say no then what? I don't want to add to your fears at all. If she isn't there next session ask more questions.

If she is then ask them anyway with her there. I like that he said he isn't leaving you and also that you are more important than the hippo...

Sunny,

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LOL! Thanks for making me smile

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Echoes,

He told me it was a contract, I asked if I could take it, and he said yes but only if I brought it back.

However, I do love your reframing of the situation!

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Soliaree said:
Then Tuesday he said, "I noticed you didn't bring back my hippo." Here's how the conversation went from there:

Me: "Oh, I forgot."

T: "Yes, I see you did. Please bring it back"
(At this point I was thinking, WTF?)

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Personally, I think you should tell him that you took out the supportive quote from him as your sig and put in "I see you forgot the hippo" instead.
When I saw your post in another thread and saw that at the bottom, I was thinking "Uhoh, that must have been the stuffy she took with her to the ER...this can't be good"
Where did supportive t go?

Dalila,

I did ask if I could take it. My T then said yes but only if you bring it back. I was really fragile at the time, I had ODd, and had blood dripping from my wrist. I was hurt by his curt tone.

I know it is his. I did take it back to him. But, you know, I really don't want the Hippo. It has no "T power" in it. I totally agree with you -- my T would have to buy something just for me (I would love a giraffe from him) for it to hold any magic. Take care.

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This may be a long shot but maybe he wants the hippo back because other clients are attached to it too?

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Wait. . . My T has other clients???? Well, the animals are always just thrown in the corner. Nobody plays with them

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This missing hippo might cause a few meltdowns. Does he see kids too? Again, I'm just shooting this idea around.

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I asked him if the Hippo had any significance to him or others. That wasn't the case.

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You've been there over two years so I'm not understanding this other therapist and I would ask more questions about why he feels this is necessary.

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I don't mind the therapist. He assured me again today that she was not here to take his place. He did say that he wanted to talk to her about my case and see if she needed to come in or if he just needed to consult with her. I guess we'll see.

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I like that he said he isn't leaving you and also that you are more important than the hippo...

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I'm angry with him right now. He said that I was more important, but hasn't shown me that.

It was so sad. I got up to leave, turned around and looked, and there was the hippo sitting alone on the couch. I totally abandoned him. He'll never be the same. LOL