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#1
May 10, 2011, 12:31 PM
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It's been awhile. I had been doing okay. But now things seem to be bad again. I can't shake this feeling. I'm a sadist(I think), I'm manipulative. I started cutting myself today as punishment for my behavior. I think I'm seriously evil and terrible. I'm mean, cold, and all that. Am I turning into some kind of sociopath?
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"My only hope lies in my despair." Last edited by turquoisesea; May 10, 2011 at 03:25 PM. Reason: trigger icon added |
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#2
May 10, 2011, 01:32 PM
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You know, I have lost track now of how many people are blaming themselves here in PC. I guess if you look up the current number of members, well, that would give you an idea of how many people are in here blaming themselves. Oh, yeah, and there are so many ways we punish ourselves too. Oh, yeah theres a lot of people that feel just like you. Right to every last word of what your saying in this thread. Guess what, welcome back, something went right for a while and then you fell back in to punishing yourself again, so, it sounds like you need to discuss it and just get back on the right track. My name is Open Eyes and I am always willing to listen. Come on back and we all can hash it out and not only get you back on track but do it for ourselves too. That's what support is all about. Now remember that this is a give and take place so you are going to have to give too. Yeah, your going to have to dig in that good person you keep punishing and let her hang out too. Open Eyes |
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#3
May 10, 2011, 02:54 PM
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Holy Toledo ~ a Sadist?? Why do I doubt that? Well, I DO doubt that, because a sadist wouldn't feel so bad about it.
 You need to talk with a therapist. Is there any chance that you could do that? He could help you find out why you feel the need to punish yourself. You are NOT bad ~ you are troubled, just as many here are. I was horribly troubled myself at one time, and I went to a therapist and she helped me see what my troubles were and how to take care of them. Anytime you want to talk, I'm available. But try to find a good therapist. God bless ~ and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee |
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#4
May 10, 2011, 03:10 PM
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I have spoken to my therapist. She said that she thought I was a nice person with a gentle soul, however that makes me believe I have somehow manipulated her too...
__________________
"My only hope lies in my despair." |
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#5
May 10, 2011, 03:35 PM
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You need to talk about this, you are finding every excuse to put yourself down, you need to find out why. Open Eyes |
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#6
May 10, 2011, 03:39 PM
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I guess so... I just don't get why I do this stuff. I hate it. It's like there's something forcing me to always be unhappy.
__________________
"My only hope lies in my despair." |
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#7
May 10, 2011, 04:47 PM
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So, you have to go to a therapist as Leed suggests and find ways to empower yourself and allow yourself to love yourself. It takes time, it doesnt happen overnight and that is why a regular visit with a good therapist can help you. Open Eyes |
 Don't touch me
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#8
May 10, 2011, 05:49 PM
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Hello, Don't touch me. Perhaps your therapist would benefit from a copy of your posts here?
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#9
May 10, 2011, 06:47 PM
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Maybe. I should just give it to her.
__________________
"My only hope lies in my despair." |
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#10
May 10, 2011, 07:16 PM
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Secondly, even if you were, your remorse for such actions is evidence that you're not a bad person. Everyone manipulates and has angry thoughts to some extent. That doesn't make them bad people. Intentionally hurting others and not feeling bad for it or changing that behaviour, on the other hand, does indicate a rather unsavoury individual. Thirdly, being manipulative, cold, and sadistic does not make you bad person. If one can use those skills in a morally acceptable manner, there's nothing wrong with having those skills at the ready for the opportune moment. Sadism doesn't even indicate a morally corrupt person as long as said sadist has a consensual partner. Lastly... If anything should happen where you have hurt someone and feel badly about it (again, this guilt indicates that you have conscience), don't hold onto that guilt and punish yourself. In the end, that won't help anyone; it will only harm you. Instead, learn from it. |
| Don't touch me
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#11
May 11, 2011, 09:42 AM
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Thanks Michael the Great. Your words really help.
__________________
"My only hope lies in my despair." |
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#12
May 11, 2011, 12:43 PM
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| Don't touch me
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#13
May 11, 2011, 01:19 PM
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and sociopaths do not question themselves... they question how they can get what they want I dated one... argh... he moved on, left a lot of destruction behind him and if you confront him about it, he blames everyone else you don't fit the profile roses |
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#14
May 11, 2011, 02:53 PM
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Thanks roses4me
__________________
"My only hope lies in my despair." |
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#15
May 12, 2011, 08:55 AM
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Hello again, Don't touch me. Please also ask your therapist about being being manipulative, cold, and sadistic. I am not suggesting you are a bad person for having these "skills." I do wonder at what point these "skills" become maladaptive, especially sadism. Except perhaps in a sexual context, I do not see how taking delight in being cruel to yourself will benefit you, improve your self-concept or endear yourself to others.
Nonetheless, my views are of little consequence. It is for you and your therapist to determine the role of these "skills" in your recovery. Good luck. Last edited by TheByzantine; May 12, 2011 at 09:11 AM. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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