[Twisti]

Wasnt sure where to post this so put it here...

Life just really sucks right now....Im in the middle of my 10 days of yearly hell and I cant stand it....the 10 days thing is I lost my son in June 22 2004 but couldnt deliver him till July 2 2004...So I carried him after he passed for 10 days...its been 7 years but its no easier....I hate this time of year with a passion...

Also after thinking and thinking about all the meds Im on..I have alot of health issues so Im on alot of meds for those plus 4 psych meds....Ive cut out the meds that arent life or death medically speaking and have stopped all of my psych meds cept for Tenex which I take for night terrors...So I stopped my Geodon, Lithium, Lamictal cold turkey...just got sick of thinking of all the poison I am putting into my body...and always feeling ill also...ive not taken them for about 1 1/2weeks and flushed them so I dont have access to them...might sound stupid to some but at the time it sounded like the right thing to do....however now some of my old symptoms are coming back....not in full force but they are returning...ive not went to my last appt to see my pdoc and need to reset one etc etc etc... I feel like now I f'ed up and know its part of my cycle...Ive done this many times...sometimes getting so bad them I attempt suicide...Im sure it wont get that bad again...anyway I feel like im babbling so Ill stop...I just really hate myself right now!!!

Hello, Wendy. So sorry you are having to deal with so much now. I hope you get the help you need.

I wish you well.

[Bella01]

wendy, I can relate to having to take so many pills. I was on lithuim and latmical but I asked my pdoc to take me off of them. I didn't feel right. I always felt that everything was in slow motion.

You should go see your pdoc and maybe get different meds. My pdoc just upped one of my drugs and I feel somewhat normal.

[Twisti]

Thanks yall...yeah im going to make another appt soon. I hate when i get this way.

Hiya Twisti,

I just wanted to share my experience with you in hopes that it will help you not follow the road I paved through hell. I quit my meds cold turkey about 11 weeks ago. For a month mind over matter worked. However, when you have legitimate illnesses caused by a chemical imbalance mind over matter only works for so long. I believe that is why some of your symptoms are returning. When my symptoms started returning I brushed them off as not being that bad. In other words, due to the side effects I was having on the meds, I was willing to suffer much before trying meds again. It ended up landing me in the psych ward (2 actually) for 22 days straight! It was hell. I went in on June 2 and got out on June 24. I was suicidal for 4 days before I decided, or was told rather, that I needed to check myself in. The suicidality got morbid quick. I started planning a certain method then I would get images in my mind of the completed act. The suicidality was much more intense than I've ever had before. It also lasted a full 20 days without a single break in the desire to engage and act on the thoughts I was having.

I'm grateful for the experience as I'm now on much more appropriate meds that don't flatten my affect to such an extent that people start noticing I'm not myself.

I'm so sorry you lost your son. It's awful that you had to carry him for ten days before you could deliver him. I can't even fathom the pain that you have endured due to that. I hope you're in therapy or getting some type of help. It might be that during this time of year you need a lot of additional support and you might look into finding support groups for women with similar issues.

I truly wish you the best.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[Twisti]

Thank you so much for sharing that with me Tara.

[nannypat]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I can only try to understand how hard this time must be for you,but I sure it is much worse than even that. Maybe it would be good to call you p/doc or whoever prescribes for you and see if you can see them as soon as they are back in the office on Tuesday, or if things get worse maybe they have someone covering over the long weekend. I certainly understand wanting to get rid of the meds. I've done it too. Sometimes, though, it can make those self destructive thoughts come back with a vengence. Please reach out for help if you need it. You can always go to the ER if necessary. You are not alone. I think many of us have done this at one point or another. Please take care.