[Azalysa]

I'm almost at the end of my second month off work due to a severe depressive episode. The first month (October), I literally don't remember at all. This month I have been getting used to the new meds and have some good days and some bad days, but overall and in an "apathetic" mode. Really hard to make myself do anything.

I began therapy 2 weeks ago. She has a very busy, established practice, so the next open time she had for our second visit is Nov. 29. I see my pdoc on Nov. 28. I told her I might have to go back to work on Nov. 29 depending on what my pdoc says. The T. said flatly that "You won't be going back to work; you're not ready and now you have me as another mental health professional so it has to be a joint decision between me and pdoc when you go back, so put down the date for our next appointment."

I felt really good about that as I only see my pdoc for like 15 minutes and all he basically does is ask how the meds are doing. My T. will have a much better grasp on my day-to-day functioning.

I have been seeing this pdoc for like 15 years and really like him; however, with this writing me out of work situation, he doesn't get the paperwork into my work HR in a timely manner which causes me TREMENDOUS anxiety. Each time I have had to fax/call his office and remind them to PLEASE get the paperwork in. Last time HR actually closed my file and it had to be reopened and reviewed due to this.

So, my T. told me to contact her for ~any~ reason before our next visit. I sent an email to her letting her know of the difficulty I have with the pdoc not sending the paperwork in on time and, since she told me at our first visit she had equal authority to write me out, could she take care of the paperwork or would it have to be done by my pdoc since he was the one who initially gave the orders.

T. called me back and to my great surprise said she had spoken to my insurance co. (one she says she deals with all the time and is VERY familiar with) and said she isn't considered my mental health professional of record until the 3 EAP visits are done. Then she said she "sensed" I didn't want to return to this job. I had already discussed that with her in our initial visit - that this job is EXTREMELY stressful and is likely a contributing factor to my illness, so I know I will need to look for another job soon, but didnt think it was right to do so while on disability leave.

T. said she was concerned that when I return to work, then shortly thereafter leave for another job that it would affect my record. HUH?!?!?!? I don't get that at all! I told her in the past when I experienced severe episodes, not knowing I could try for disability I just quit jobs and I was pleased that this time I was using the benefits I have and then when I'm well seek a better place to work. (Again, all of which I told her in our initial evaluation.)

Then she said that, even if pdoc sends me back to work, it should only be part-time and whatever happens "they" (I guess my work) can't deny my appointment with her on the 29th.

I am so confused and scared now. What she said on the phone sounds so different than what she said at our appointment. And I have NO idea what my pdoc will do. At this point, if he sends me back to work, I know that in a short time I won't be able to take the multi-tasking stress and would likely quit...and then have no income.

Ok, just needed to vent...I'm sitting here crying, scared, anxious...and just don't know what to do.

[SS8282]

I'm sorry to hear the problems you have with the insurance and the pdoc not sending in paperwork in time. I'm not familiar with how the US works, but I suggest you talk to your Pdoc himself. Perhaps even go there and get him to do the paper while you wait, so you can take it back with you, or see him tell his receptionist to send/fax it out.

Check with your insurance company - ask them what the rules/procedures are. Is your T a recommendation from the EAP?

I'm also wondering how long was your file opened for before they closed it? Was it HR that closed the file or the insurance company?

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. (((((((Azalysa)))))))

[(JD)]

Hang in there! Remember, when we are depressed, we don't always hear what is being said... even if we do hear the words.. they don't get filed right somehow! Also, when a T calls on the phone they are "caught off base" sometimes... and don't have files and notes and reminders right in front of them to read etc etc.. which they do before a face to face... don't go looking for another job... stay on leave while you are getting help...and let them make the first move... doctors or job ok? I understand pdocs and the "just 15 minutes and precription" which is the norm in US nowdays... and it's good that both docs say no work for now. It's normal to see only the bad or dark side when depressed. You can't expect yourself to be thinking and feeling correctly about anything... right? I mean, the experts are saying you can't even work! One foot in front of the other... slowly... (((((hugs))))

[Azalysa]

{{{{SS}}}}}

Thank you for your quick response!

As for your questions:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
...but I suggest you talk to your Pdoc himself. Perhaps even go there and get him to do the paper while you wait, so you can take it back with you, or see him tell his receptionist to send/fax it out.

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When my pdoc wrote me out the first time he gave a note to me on his script pad and said that would be enough to show my company and he had paperwork stacked up and this wasn't a priority. That might be ok if I worked for a small company but working for a Fortune 500 - all this is taken care of by corporate HR and they have to have specific paperwork. I saw pdoc again before the cut-off date of paperwork being submitted and sat with him while he completed the paperwork that time.

The second time, I stressed the importance of getting the info on time and since it was an extension, HR said he could even call the info in. He seemed to be on the way to do that, but didn't; thus my having to call his office. I think this visit I will park myself in the office until the necessary arrangements are made. Of course my fear now is that he will send me back to work.

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Check with your insurance company - ask them what the rules/procedures are. Is your T a recommendation from the EAP?

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I called my insurance company at the direction of my T before our initial visit to obtain an authorization number and was told by insurance that this T *is* on their panel of providers, so that isn't an issue. This T was a recommendation by my pdoc's colleague when I got sick and he was out of town. Colleague said this T is especially good for issues of anxiety.

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I'm also wondering how long was your file opened for before they closed it? Was it HR that closed the file or the insurance company?

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The file was closed by HR because pdoc had not submitted the updated info for my second month out of work in a timely manner. Their rules specify that this info should be submitted to them BEFORE the previous disability period runs out. So, I spent a good week calling HR to see if the medicals had been submitted, finding they weren't, then contacting the pdoc's office to be told they would leave a message for him when he was in the office. One of my issues is anxiety and this certainly didn't help!

I guess my main frustration at the moment is that at my initial evaluation T. said in no uncertain terms "You're not in any shape to return to work yet" and that she would have to agree with pdoc to return.

I truly do want (and need) to work, but I just can't face my current work environment right now.

On the other hand, pdoc may write me out for additional time and I'm worrying about nothing. I do tend to catastrophize.

[Azalysa]

{{{{{Sky}}}}} Thank you for helping me to remember I'm only seeing the dark side of things right now. I totally agree I don't want to do any changing while I'm in treatment right now.

*Takes a deep breath and reminds herself to stay in the moment*

[dexter]

Sky you've been one jump ahead of me on every post I visit lately... I was going to say exactly the same thing.

So I just want to reinforce what Sky said... depression colors our interpretation of everything so try not to build up anxiety over something that you may be misunderstanding. You should be able to have them clarify at your next appointment, hopefully it will be easy to discuss this with them since they should understand how the depression made you hear "two different things" and they can explain if they changed their minds or ifit just sounded different on the phone.

Good luck Azalysa, let us know how you are doing, and I'm glad you are able to post about it here and let us help.

[SS8282]

Thank you for *your* quick response.

I'm glad to hear that you're doing what you can. Seems like HR does not have *you* as their priority - only the paperwork that is completed properly and in on time. I worked for a huge company myself, so I know what it's like. I've also been through where you are - off work on disability (short term disability). Does HR take the initiative to call your pdoc or you to let you/him know that paperwork hasn't arrived?

I can certainly understand your anxiety, and, given what has happened, it's warrented. You don't want anything more to happen and fall through the cracks.

I also understand your apprehension of the possibility of returning to work. When I was off, my pdoc told me I have to go back, I objected, and made a fuss. In the end, after talking to my lawyer, he changed his mind and recommended that I NOT go back to work, at least not back to that company.

Would it work if you work in a different department?

[Azalysa]

{{{{SS, Sky, Dexter}}}}

Thank you all SO very much for your compassionate and wise responses. It really does help getting my thoughts organized by writing them down and I appreciate you all for taking the time to read and respond.

Sky: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
don't go looking for another job... stay on leave while you are getting help...and let them make the first move... doctors or job ok?

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For sure. I've felt all along it's not right to actively look for another job while on leave. My mother is encouraging me to just check out what jobs are available via newspapers, etc. That would probably be a good idea but haven't had the energy to do that. Thank you for the input to let the job and/or doctor make the first move. I have a tendency to try to think through "If he does this, I'll do that, then such-and-such will happen, then this will happen..." Whew! (Wonder if I'd make a good chess player!)

Dexter:
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Sky you've been one jump ahead of me on every post I visit lately... I was going to say exactly the same thing.

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Hehe, great minds think alike! Thank you so much for your support. (I'm following your post on returning to work and hope things are continuing to go well for you!)

SS: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Seems like HR does not have *you* as their priority - only the paperwork that is completed properly and in on time.

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Good point! My job is with an insurance company in the Workers Comp division. I never had any prior insurance experience and would not have sought this job if it hadn't been that I hadn't worked awhile (after quitting a job in my profession due to my illness) and needed the income. The company itself is great to work for, but little did I know that within insurance, Workers Comp is considered one of the more stressful areas. My department's job is a combination call center (for 10 states and 175 adjusters in our regional office PLUS 2 satellite offices), completing all the paperwork for the 10 states/each adjuster, triaging the new claims that come in (which involves a lot of steps), "special projects" that are just plopped on our desks, writing the mileage reimbursement checks for our injured workers and completing the wage statements sent in form their employers AND - doing it ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! This job is considered the training to be "promoted" to an adjuster, but from what I've seen, that's like going from the frying pan into the fire!

I said all that to say that we (my department) are basically the "buffers" between any callers and the adjusters. The adjusters are so overworked that it does seem like they are just pushing paperwork around without the "excellent customer service" our company touts. As my boss says "Just get 'er done!"

I'm not sure if the Short Term Disability department of our company (which is located at our home office) is just as hectic, but if so, yes...getting the paperwork done is basically the priority.

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Does HR take the initiative to call your pdoc or you to let you/him know that paperwork hasn't arrived?

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No, it is clearly stated in the paperwork I received from HR that it is totally my responsibility to make sure the medical information is received. In speaking with the personnel myself, this was confirmed. If the medical paperwork is not received in their timeframe, then they close the file and send a letter of same to me and my supervisor.

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When I was off, my pdoc told me I have to go back, I objected, and made a fuss. In the end, after talking to my lawyer, he changed his mind and recommended that I NOT go back to work, at least not back to that company.

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I would be interested to hear more about this, please, if you are comfortable sharing. If not here, by PM.

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Would it work if you work in a different department?

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Absolutely!! I do like the company and I have almost 2 years in with them so I would much prefer to stay there, at least for the time being.

When I interviewed for this job it was during a transition in the company and my job was a newly-created position. Approximately 25 of us were hired at the same time. I didn't even know what an adjuster DID at the time.
I made it clear what my strengths and goals were and my interviewers said they were interested in me due to my mental health background. At some point they anticipated having "mental health specialists" on staff the same as they have RN's on staff now. Well, two years later that idea basically came and went and didn't materialize. I have made it clear to my supervisors that I like the company but have no desire to be an adjuster. I also bring 12 years of being an adult ed. adjunct professor with me. The ~one~ trainer we have for the whole department continually asks that I be transferred to her dept.

However, it seems to be almost impossible once one is in Workers Comp to be transferred outside of it. I was even part of a focus group with local HR and that was one of the most commonly-voiced complaints. Those that have worked for other insurance companies say it is the same.

Getting long-winded again. As I write this, the thought that comes to me, given my last paragraph, is that, although I wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone and this last bout has been very hard on me - things seem to happen for a reason and ~perhaps~ due to health concerns, moving to another area in the company "would" be possible.

Thank you all again for your support and listening! It means so very much to me!

Wishing you all most well!

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((AZ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Your situation sounds so similar to mine. You have been given some great advice here. Not much more I can add to it but wanted you to know that I am here for you because I know how difficult this can be. Hang in there .

Huggles,



Jen

[Azalysa]

I saw pdoc yesterday who is keeping me out of work thru January 2, with the plan of going back to work, at least in a modified form after that. I am seeing him again the middle of December to specifically look into that instead of just med management.

Had my second appt. with T. today. Very positive, although draining. I'm seeking her help primarily for anxiety issues surrounding work - not just this particular job but I have "work issues" in general.

So, I am breathing a bit easier and want to thank you all again for being so supportive and encouraging.

One prayer - that pdoc's assistant gets the necessary medicals to my company HR. (I've had to press and fight for that each time....grrrrr.)