struggling to cope

Hi there, I am currently home living with my parents before I try to return to school in a few weeks...I just got out of an intensive 7 week wilderness therapy program... I attended due to legal reasons and emotional struggles (depression/anxiety) I have had issues with self-injury in the past and in the last few days have felt very overwhelmed as to how I'm going to pay for school/living etc... I just have started feeling very down again and I'm not coping well. I'm having thoughts about wanting to hurt myself and/or disappear...just wondering if anyone has any suggestions... thanks

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Do you have a therapist? It sounds like it would be good for you to have someone like a therapist to talk to, and to teach you coping skills for the times when that urge hits. I s/h too, but it's been 5 months now, I've learned some very helpful coping skills. (DBT)

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Maybe you could try making a list (preferrably when you're feeling okay) of things you can do instead of s/h. Simple things, nothing major. Things like putting on some music and getting out a coloring book and some crayons. Baking something works really well for me. I actually have a very long list of alternatives to s/h. That way, when I get to that point, I don't have to think, I can just look at my list and pick something, and if that doesn't work, I just pick something else.

Hi.

Please decribe us what the problem is, so we can get a better idea how to help you..

Welcome to the Community, gabski. I gather from some of your other posts your parents do not know just how difficult your life is now. What you are doing is not helping. Please consider talking to them.

I know you do not want to bring others down with what you describe as negativity. Even so, not allowing the downward spiral to continue perhaps should be your top priority?

Hi, thanks for the replies all... I actually am in a program right now (its an IOP) program based upon DBT techniques...so yes, I know all about that... the issue is... it doesn't seem to be helping me for this stress and feeling down...even after almost 3 months of program-type work... I'm trying to utilize what I've learned but I'm just so saddened by the financial uncertainty of the future...I also have been with someone (who is living where I go to school, so not physically with them) but they decided...last spring, and reiterated yet again that they do not want an exclusive relationship... in their words "I want to live the college life and have fun and be around other people, not just you"...so I have been hurt by this as I feel like I'm going to lose her.. I feel like I have no control over my life and things are not going to work out because I can't manage them..mostly in the financial sense...I desparately want to go back to school where I was but it is a lot more expensive, not only to go to school but to live there...and actually...(Byzantine) my parents were the ones who wanted me to go through the wilderness program (not only for legal, but also emotional issues)...they have some idea but whenever we begin to talk about sorting through my future- things get tense and I guess to some extent, yeah, you're right...they try to understand, they just don't seem to. Thanks for all of your feedback (prior and in the future) I really appreciate it...I'm having a really hard time and want nothing other than to s/h at this point...

If things are tense when you talk to your parents you might try discussing just one issue at a time. How to pay for school as one issue. Another day something else. If they start going astray of the topic, gently remind them "right now I just want to talk about... (whatever the topic is). Can I ask a question about self-harm that isn't meant to offend, but shows the depth of my ignorance about this subject? Right now it is hot as blue blazes outside. I noticed there is trash all over everywhere and I think it is because people just can't bring themselves to walk the few extra paces to find a trash can. Must self-harm be actually physically hurting yourself, or could it be turned to something else? Running, pulling weeds (I'm not trying to be funny, if you've ever pulled a lot of weeds in the heat, it is extremely strenuous work), walking and picking up trash in the heat, shoveling snow in the winter--all of those things if done long enough will wear someone out (and doesn't any physical activity release endorphins if vigorous enough? I get a wonderful sense of relaxation from walking fast for miles)

Hello, gabski. You are in my thoughts. I hope you get the help you need.

How did the wilderness therapy go? Did you learn anything? You may have had to go for legal reasons but it was an opportunity for you to gain. You made some mistakes I gather, people make mistakes and I am sure by now you have realized that a path you chose was not productive. But you can always learn from that.

You cant spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for your mistakes, the way to set a new path is to learn and move forward. Going to school is learning how to learn and about gathering information for yourself.

Take time to sit with your parents and try to come up with ways to progress. Perhaps if you make it clear to them that you want to move forward and progress they will help you.

Open Eyes

Thanks again for the replies...self-harm can be many different things for many different people... self-inflicted injury is usually thought to be in the sense of more literal self-harm... but physically exerting oneself whether it be in exercise or something else that is pushed to an unhealthy limit could be considered self-harm I suppose...

Things have gotten a little bit better with communication with parents but everyone is just stressed because I don't have an exact plan about what to do... and thus, I'm feeling overwhelmed and have begun shutting myself out away from friends and family at home right now..I'm struggling to get up and do anything for myself everyday other than go to the gym (which I hate but feel like I need to do)..go to IOP and just hang out at the house... I'm miserable.. again...back to square 1.
My wilderness program was beneficial..yes, beyond the legal fulfillment. I learned certain coping skills and new perspectives but it is really hard to implement them on everything right now because there's so much going on... the hardest thing is my fear and anxiety/stress about going back to school where I need to find a job and a place to live asap...and then the girl that I am sort of "with" who doesn't want to be exclusive...I feel like I'm holding onto the last string to be with her but that it is all going to fall apart and she is going to push me away... It makes me sick to my stomach and therefore, that much more anxious about going back to school because I can't possibly feel any worse than I do now.. ughh it's just hard...right now, at least my parents are around and trying to be as supportive as possible but they do work full weeks and so for instance (tomorrow) they won't be around for most of the day...so I sit with myself, stressing out, go to the gym, clean to distract myself and then go to my IOP program... and yet, I'm supposed to decide when I'm going back to school to live etc. which I think will be in a week and I'm unbelievably anxious and unsure about any and everything... I just am back to feeling like I am better off not existing in this world that I continuously feel is a brick wall for me to run into over and over again... I'm sick of feeling miserable and I've tried so many things for so many years... I don't feel like I want to try anymore, I don't feel like I can do it anymore.

ughh sorry for everything being so scattered...I feel like I'm journaling- only it's on a message board. thanks to anyone who has the patience or desire to read through any of it.

Well, gabski, I don't know how old you are and there is not much in your about me.

Do you have any hobbies? It sounds like your a male and the female girlfriend might not be the right train to catch, no use running after run away trains. Perhaps you may catch a better train you can actually ride to a place in the future.

Hmmm, going back to school, maybe early 20's? Ah, what I didn't know when I was that age. I didn't know who I was going to end up being. And often that comes when you just keep at it and fan out a bit.

It seems like everyone thinks they are going to know who they are just by going to school. School or college teaches you how to learn, did you know that, because most people think that college is when you are suppose to know who you are and what your going to be.

But that's not when you find out who you are. First, you get an education and then within that education, if your smart you will find something that you are good at. Oh that can be math or english or business or something in the arts. And when you get out your just going to begin figuring out who you are. You may get a job, and make some money but you still have to find you. And that could mean earning enough to travel or indulge in some of the things you like to do.

But it takes time to figure out who you are and find your core and what is unique about you. Because, everyone has something unique and special about themselves.
And just because you don't find it in school doesn't mean not your going to find it.
There will be different points in your life where your going to stop and wonder what you want to so next and your going to take another look at yourself and rethink where you have been so far and where you might go next.

As far at that run away train, eh, you need to worry about YOU right now. Because if you catch the wrong train you may ride it for a while and decide you don't like where it is going and it is not where you want to go. Your much better off riding your own train for a while and working on your own choices in life. Thats when you could end up on a train going in the same direction you want to go.

The way I see it? You just got to get up and put one foot in front of the other and have an open mind. You had a time in the wild and I am sure you have taken some good from that experience. Thats what life is, taking something good from every time you venture out and get involved and learn.

Don't look for yourself in other people, you can learn from other people, but you going to be YOU and that YOU is going to be growing and learning for the rest of you life.

Tomarrow morning when you get up and you get dressed I want you think about something.
It wasn't long ago when you had to figure out how put that shirt on or maybe button buttons.
Or to pull up your pants all by yourself and sip and button them. And then the sneakers on you feet, oh, tieing them was so time consuming, trying to remember just how to tie them. But now you not only know how to do that but you have certain shirts you like to wear as well as pants and you tie those sneakers without even thinking about it. See how far you have come already?
You have likes and dislikes, you can dress yourself and go to a store and pick out clothes you like and you know your size even. Well, that what life is, one thing at a time and learning about you.

ONE STEP IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

Open Eyes

I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Much of what you are struggling with could be solved with the appropriate help. You should certainly look to see the extent of the help offered through your university. I'm not sure what sort of place you are looking to live in. Dorm? Appartment? The closer it gets to the beginning of term the fewer choices you will have. As difficult as it sounds, I would let the girlfriend situation ride right now. Universities are filled with opportunities to meet people and you'll have the fun and excitement of the first few weeks of school to keep you busy. There is a school and study issues forum that is good for support and info; I visit there sometimes. You might want to check it out.

Hi, thanks for the support...I am trying to put one foot in front of the others but I am struggling to feel self-worth and motivation...I'm completely broken hearted because it seems that the girl that I was sort of "with" in a non-exclusive relationship...really just doesn't care about me anymore, she's not in love with me anymore...everything I do, she picks it apart and gets mad about something I've done or said that isn't acceptable to her...I try so hard to talk to her in the right way because I do love her so much but it seems that she's done...worst part is, I have to go back to school there in a few days (2,000 from home) and think I need to try to stay at her place because I don't have anywhere to live yet. I hate feeling like im going to be depending on her because it gives her more right to do and say whatever she wants to me...every bit of it ripping me apart and stabbing me in the heart. Everything hurts..I cry everyday and I feel so helpless and hopeless about my uncertain future.