So, I'm curious to know why someone would be resistant to talking about things in therapy.

Here's my issue; I've been with my therapist, who I absolutely adore, since January. I'm very comfortable with her. But there are certain subjects that I can't seem to force myself to talk about. Yesterday she asked me to explore reasons for why I may be resistant to it. We were talking about my parents, and she said that I never talk about my dad. So I did, about how I'm comfortable with him and have nothing ill against him. Even though she pointed out that to me, a hug from my dad is awkward but a punch feels normal. I seem to have a complete block to talking about resentments towards my dad. And on the same token, I seem to have a complete block to talking about attachments with my mother. Because I hate her, but some weird small part of me is horribly attached to her. She says I need to give these parts a voice. She wanted to know if they had a voice, what would they say.

I honestly don't know why I'm so resistant to talking about those things. Like when we talk in therapy, I'll sometimes have thoughts start to pop up, but then it's like something squeezes my throat and it's like someone turns the TV off in my brain and I can no longer think. Not even just about the subject matter, for the rest of the day I have great difficulty being able to think about small things like what I want to eat or what I want to do.

So I was wondering if someone could help me find reasons as to why I could be so subconsciously resistant to this part of my treatment?

[PleaseHelp]

It could be a defense mechanism. One that your not aware of. Its just there. I do something similar to that. My T will ask a question, I'll get a blank stare on my face and all the sudden my mind is racing, I'm not hearing anything that is being said to me, I don't even feel like I'm there.

[gma45]

Originally Posted by Aanga

So, I'm curious to know why someone would be resistant to talking about things in therapy.

Here's my issue; I've been with my therapist, who I absolutely adore, since January. I'm very comfortable with her. But there are certain subjects that I can't seem to force myself to talk about. Yesterday she asked me to explore reasons for why I may be resistant to it. We were talking about my parents, and she said that I never talk about my dad. So I did, about how I'm comfortable with him and have nothing ill against him. Even though she pointed out that to me, a hug from my dad is awkward but a punch feels normal. I seem to have a complete block to talking about resentments towards my dad. And on the same token, I seem to have a complete block to talking about attachments with my mother. Because I hate her, but some weird small part of me is horribly attached to her. She says I need to give these parts a voice. She wanted to know if they had a voice, what would they say.

I honestly don't know why I'm so resistant to talking about those things. Like when we talk in therapy, I'll sometimes have thoughts start to pop up, but then it's like something squeezes my throat and it's like someone turns the TV off in my brain and I can no longer think. Not even just about the subject matter, for the rest of the day I have great difficulty being able to think about small things like what I want to eat or what I want to do.

So I was wondering if someone could help me find reasons as to why I could be so subconsciously resistant to this part of my treatment?

Could it possibly be as a child we are taught to respect and obey our parents and you don't feel right saying you have issues with both of them as parents? I know I did with mine. I have forgiven them which I did when they were still living and glad I did! I am still a work in progress though every now and then something will pop up in my mind and I will tell myself that was wrong the way they handled that or how I acted, I now have to just live for today!

I think we're resistant to thoughts or emotions when they are unacceptable to us for some reason. It might be that we feel they are shameful, or don't make sense, or that only a really bad person would feel this way, etc. That is not our conscious mind feeling that way, but the unconscious. Our conscious mind is logical, but our unconscious just feels the way it does.

For example, I think that we should love our parents. But I have some real anger toward them that I'm trying to get out in therapy. This unacknowledged anger is driving my present life and actions, which makes me wonder why I behave the way I do sometimes. It's extremely difficult for me to get these emotions out - I just block them like crazy! I may go numb emotionally, or my mind will go blank, etc etc etc. I think that's what therapy is all about - working to get these emotions out so they can be recognized and dealt with.

It's perfectly normal to be resistant, and that's your clue that this is stuff that needs to be focused on. If it wasn't a problem, those feelings would just pop right out!

[wing]

I think it is natural to not want to explore touchy issues, and the relationships with parents are probably the most difficult to pick apart and examine. I'm a firm believer in the "when I'm ready I'll open up" theory. Sometimes my mind is protecting me so I can cope a bit at a time.

Thanks all for the replies. They definitely make sense.

A lot of people in my life lately have been saying that I DON'T open up. Ever. About anything that's meaningful...I have a strong resistance to it I guess.

How do you get past that resistance? How do you start talking about things?

How do you get past that resistance? How do you start talking about things?

If you have certain things that you have difficulty saying, try writing them down. If I can't seem to get the words out, I'll write them down and bring them to session. I recently had a difficult subject to bring up with my T, so I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say. I figured if I couldn't say the words I would just hand him the sheet of paper and let him read it. I did manage to read the words myself, but I sounded like a robot. Ugh! Just couldn't feel the emotion that should have been there. But at least I got the subject out, he's aware of it, and we're working on it. I do the best I can.

It sounds like your T is working with you on this, and that's part of therapy, to get this stuff out. We're resistant to opening up on some things because they are in some way painful. And sometimes they've been buried for a long, long time and it's real work to get them out. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your T, so trust her and work with her. It can take a while ....

[crazy24/7]

Originally Posted by Aanga

How do you get past that resistance? How do you start talking about things?

Very gently. One issue at a time. Perhaps you could write down a list of issues that are painful, then share them with your psychologist on paper. You can tell her when you are ready to tackle them when you are feeling strong. I always felt like a deer in headlights when my psychologist ask me sensitive questions. I would freeze up and the rest of the session was lost. If you know she knows your "secrets", you have given her an okay to bring them up so they are not sprung on you out of the blue.

[madisgram]

keeping a journal about things that bother you may help. then you can read this to your therapist. that may enable you to get those feelings out there for discussion. your T is there for you and accepting of what brought u there in the first place. no judgements will be made by T about yourself. try it slowly to get more comfortable. a good start is printing out your post and reading it to your T, resentments towards dad, etc.
i did this and it helped me to express those stuffed feelings. hope this helps you too.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Aanga

Like when we talk in therapy, I'll sometimes have thoughts start to pop up, but then it's like something squeezes my throat and it's like someone turns the TV off in my brain and I can no longer think.

Start there and noticing when that happens when you are in therapy and telling your T what has happened. Over time you should be able to remember more of what you were thinking (at least the "subject" matter, if not the actual thoughts) and will be able to work backwards which will help you move forward.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ut-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...lk-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/newsletter/i...nt_therapy.htm