[SophiaG]

Is it understandable if it feels like a blow below my belt when someone mentions my mental illness is an argument? For example, someone harranging you about how if you didn't do xy and z, that you wouldn't "have your nervous breakdowns".

It makes me cry when someone does that and I end up feeling worthless. I just don't understand how anyone could even mention that knowing it makes me feel worthless, then they tell me to "get over it" when I cry.

"You should be doing x y and z to fix your problems. You need to meditate. You're lazy. You're stupid. You're the most disorganized person I have ever met. You're out in lala land."

And I feel as though they aren't doing this to help me but just to hurt me.

The person saying these things is my mom.

Gosh I want to cry just thinking about it.

[Open Eyes]

(((((SophiaG)))))))

I am sorry that your mother is not being very supportive for you and is actually presenting messages that only hurt you and add to your personal struggle.

But what she is really saying is that she clearly doesn't understand your struggle and she may even fear it in some ways. Your mother can only relate to her own ways of dealing with life and those are her constant messages. She obviously is not capable of recognizing that you are actually trying to heal and that there is not a simple just get over it remedy. And it can be hurtful when your own mother is not seeing your pain and instead of embracing you in a way that you truely need her to embrace you, she is invalidating you.

Please keep in mind that it truely is her own ignorance, she simply just does not get it. I know first hand how hard and lonely that can feel, so I want you to at least know that your not alone in feeling the way you do.

At least there are others here that can reach out to you and understand your struggle. I know we can't present ourselves in a physical presence and gather around you. But we are here and your really not alone.

You are in a good field of study. If you can find your way to educate yourself in what is already known and get past that to a place where you can be a physical presence for others it can be a big help to not only you, but others like you that struggle as well. So think about that and try to hang in there, everything you do, every step you take can add to your value in helping others.

Open Eyes

[SophiaG]

Why does it hurt me so much? =/ It's like the one thing someone can say to hurt me the most.

I can still remember a night a year ago where she was drunk, harassing me in my room about my mental illness. I cried then too.

It also hurt me when she pointed out this young female pianist and said "now SHE doesn't spend all her time on facebook."

That hurt.

I could be being overly sensitive, but she also mocks me for my suicidal ideation. "Well if you wouldn't do this, then you wouldn't get all stressed out and want to kill yourself."

Like wtf, that is like the most sensitive issue to me, of anything in my life right now. That was a very dark time for me, and I feel like I get mocked for it.

[unaluna]

Yo, your mom needs to step off. This reminds me of that old story - the father is telling his son, "you know, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk five miles one way to school in the snow." The kid responds to his dad, "And when Abraham Lincoln was YOUR age, he was President of the United States!" I tried telling my mom she was hurting my self-esteem when she talked to me like that, but she just made a joke out of that, too. Get out as soon as you can and don't look back. Good luck.

Sorry this is happening, SophiaG. You are in my thoughts.

[Open Eyes]

I definitely hear you Sophia, I really do and yes it does hurt because it truely is a real struggle and I face that all the time too and I often feel very alone with my struggle.
Hey I am hanging out down there in PTSD forum and I had a really difficult weekend that just wouldn't quit and I really crept into my T's office on Monday and I was so upset and shaking with terrible anxiety, I had to have a pillow on my lap and he had to give me a blanket. I was so bad and truely hate how my PTSD just kicks in and I have been really working hard on it. I really wish others could just step into my body and feel all the pain I go through when I am severely triggered. My arms ache and my whole body is in pain, even my brain hurts and when someone even remotely expresses a thought about just get over it, I get worse, and I also get very angry and frustrated. I don't want this, this isn't fun, this is awful and a real struggle.

So Sophia I just want you to know I really hear you, and no, it is just not fair that other people cannot understand what I deal with every single day. But, to be honest, if I didn't know what it feels like, I am not sure I would really understand it either.

Now the only thing that I can suggest is that hopefully you do have a therapist.
And if you have one than you need to talk to that therapist and have him call your mother in so he can talk to her and set her straight on how she is causing you harm and that she needs to take on a much more supportive role, or at the very least keep her comments to herself.

I did that with my husband and it really helped. Does my husband understand completely, no, but he has a lot more respect for the fact that I am really suffering and some of his remarks and responses to me were very abusive considering what I am trying so hard to overcome.

Oh, and hankster, Abraham Lincoln suffered from dibilitating depression all his life.
And he may have walked miles to school but he probably dragged his brain behind him and suffered in silence more than he should have. Both him and his wife really struggled and it was not pleasant in the end for his wife. So anyone who sings that tune is just a crap head.

And yes, removing yourself from those people is the best prescription for anyone suffering.

Open Eyes

[elliemay]

My mom has a tendency to this as well, which is kind of ironic because she has bipolar disorder, but whatever.

Sometimes, in her own ham-handed, misguided, hurtful way, I know that most of the time she is trying to help. Other times, I am convinced her intent is to hurt - to lash out.

In any case, I decided that if I was going to stay in this relationship, then I would have to set some clear boundaries about how she would treat me.

I also vowed to myself to be honest with myself, and realize that the truth can come from the strangest places. If something she said rang true to me, then perhaps she was right. NOT as in "I am piece of crap" kind of true, but "perhaps I do spend too much time on facebook" kind of true.

Other things I tried to develop a sense of humor about, and above all else, give a lot of consideration to the source.

However, the things I would not tolerate, I was very very clear about. Now the thing is, when you set a boundary, you must be able to follow through and let go of the outcome.

That's not as easy as it sounds - especially when it is your mother.

I know I had to do it and eventually things did get better.

My mother and I will never ever have a great relationship, but we do have one.

[crazy24/7]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

"You should be doing x y and z to fix your problems. You need to meditate. You're lazy. You're stupid. You're the most disorganized person I have ever met. You're out in lala land."

The person saying these things is my mom.

Those that love us/are close to us sure do know the way to hurt us the most. I suggest you mother knows your inner turmoil and manages to voice your own fears about your mental illness. The fact that she can cause these emotions in you by saying those harmful words means that you may secretly believe them to be true. You have low self esteem and cannot defend yourself against her.
If would be a positive step for you to read books on self-esteem and/or seek psychotherapy for the same. Once you internalize that her comments are NOT true, you will be able to build a defense mechanism against her hurtful comments and ANYone's hurtful comments. Those of us with mental illness know how others can be hurtful because they don't understand what we are going through...and sometimes really don't care to learn.
I also agree that if your mother can't stop her tirades against you, you may want to seek some distance from her while you are getting stronger. You could seek some help first before trying to help someone understand what it is like to be you.
I can't afford psychotherapy, but I find reading books to be helpful.

[turquoisesea]

i don't think you're over reacting.

Just as a check have you talked to your mother about how it's making you feel? Might be wortha try but I don't know your mother...

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

Is it understandable if it feels like a blow below my belt when someone mentions my mental illness is an argument? For example, someone harranging you about how if you didn't do xy and z, that you wouldn't "have your nervous breakdowns".

It makes me cry when someone does that and I end up feeling worthless. I just don't understand how anyone could even mention that knowing it makes me feel worthless, then they tell me to "get over it" when I cry.

"You should be doing x y and z to fix your problems. You need to meditate. You're lazy. You're stupid. You're the most disorganized person I have ever met. You're out in lala land."

And I feel as though they aren't doing this to help me but just to hurt me.

The person saying these things is my mom.

Gosh I want to cry just thinking about it.

(((SophiaG)))

NOT AT ALL. You are NOT overreacting.
I'm so sorry to hear your mom is saying such things to you and being so very unsupportive... You mentioned her being drunk. It does sound like off-the-wall alcoholic thinking. I can relate. My mom says pointless, unsupportive stuff too. Hope you can detach with love.

Be gentle with yourself. Don't look to her for support or advice, remember your higher power.

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

i don't think you're over reacting.

Just as a check have you talked to your mother about how it's making you feel? Might be wortha try but I don't know your mother...

I have told her it upsets me before but she seems to think she is justified in doing it, like it's going to help me or something. Then she continues doing it and I feel worthless all over again. I mean, also, I usually cry, which I think is an obvious sign I am upset?

[SophiaG]

Also during the time I took off for my depression, from school. It was bad at the beginning when I came home. Mom's boyfriend kept telling her she should throw me out, but she knew the reason why I couldn't get a job, I am on ssi, which vocational rehabilitation uses to help me pay for my college. If I started working and earning money I would have no scholarship for college.

She just let him do that too, withim earshot of me.

=/

*sigh*

[turquoisesea]

ouch *hugs*

that seems like a really tough situation to be stuck in - I think at this point you have to go through it and try to protect yourself internally.

Maybe when she starts this negative talk you can talk back to it in your head or remind yourself that this is not true that she still loves you etc?

sorry i cant be of more help

[SophiaG]

I *know* my mom loves me.

Just, some of the stuff she says hurts me I guess. I feel bad saying all those things now, since I know she loves me...

=\