Being Watched. (are you)

Even though I live in the countryside I kinda feel helpless over stuff like that, my mind is like "if someone is watching you or about to do something there's nothing you can do all the way out here."
And I hate going into my town coz I feel like people are watching me, but in a more judgemental way.
The joys of social anxiety

Nope, I'm pretty good.

shhhhh, but they can still watch you even if your meds work.

I just remember to smile and not pick my nose.

(but then again, I am a girl who would flash the street cameras when manic and drunk... oh those were the days).

I have a real problem with my neighbor- I am always thinking/worrying that she is watching me. Its so hard to explain, but I can't even leave the house without thinking "Joyce" is watching me leave. Or when I come home- she can see me bring my work stuff into the house, or she is judging me when she sees me bringing fast food home.

I know its irrational to think this way. But I do have some thing real to base maybe how this fear started. I got a new job in this town and moved into my house.

Joyce used to work at the school I worked at and she is retired and was good friends with some teachers, the principal, etc. It was like my second week on the job and I couldn't find one of my shoes I wanted to wear- so I went into the attic, going through boxes trying to find the matching one- and I was about 20 minutes late for work.

No big deal- I don't have kids waiting for me, so I was able to take the extra time. The principal calls to me later that day and asked me "Running a little late this morning?" and I told him yes- and about the missing shoe- and asked how he knew- and he said he was talking to Joyce on the phone in the morning and she told him I was leaving the house later than normal.

That freaked me out- and now I just imagine her judging me, and watching me. When she is at her kitchen sink- she can see my car in the driveway and the door to our house where we come and go. The other day I did actually see her move the curtains in her living room to peek out when I backed out of the driveway. That has never happened before. I know she has better things to do than pay attention to me- but I still hate it when my son slams the door on the car loudly or walks loudly up the steps because it may make her see us.

The weird thing is- I don't care if I am seen on cameras in stores or any other public place- its more of a "Joyce" issue for me

If people are watching me they must be extremely bored as I don't lead the most exciting life.

Imagine watching someone watch TV for hours, couldn't get any more boring then that. Though watching someone sleep might be.

CatEngland, do you ever acknowledge that you see Joyce watching you? I would be inclined to wave at her when she is watching and laugh.

I watch people and draw them all the time first I study them than draw them imagine that?

Not so much out in the real world, though I'm sometimes surprised by how much other people notice - about me or about others.

I sometimes I wonder if someone will be following what I'm writing on the Internet. In one sense I am very open, maybe too open, on facebook and twitter - using my real name. I sometimes wonder about people from different areas of my life reading my opinions on there! Future potential employers? Old teachers? My T? My PARENTS?! Sometimes I think I should use a fake name, but paradoxically I want people to know who I am... I wish to be seen as 'authentic' and 'real'...

What sometimes concerns me even more is if someone I know IRL were to somehow find me and follow what I write here or elsewhere under a 'handle', just because it's in some cases very personal information that I wouldn't necessarily share with people I know - because I'm not sure they would understand. Then I tell myself to get over it -- what possible motivation would someone have for scouring the internet to find out what I think about therapy or whatever? I'm just not that important! People are busy with their own lives! I guess my only semi-legitimate concern in this area is if my therapist happened to visit the site and stumbled across a post and recognised me. But again, I'm sure she has better things to do than puzzle over forum posts trying to find her clients. And then again, I doubt I share anything here that she doesn't know already.

Paranoia strikes sometimes, though!

But then, sometimes I get curious about things, about people... is it so crazy to think maybe someday someone may be curious about me? Sometimes I google my own name to make sure nothing too embarrassing shows up!

PS: Had to lol a bit at the 'Joyce' story! Cringe! I don't really have neighbours here, but when I lived at my mum's house for a bit I was VERY aware of the neighbours noticing my comings and goings - when my mum was away I knew it would get back to her if I had friends over. Ugh, living in a small town didn't go down well with me, I just thought that some people needed to mind their own business!

I agree but I was much more concerned about it when I was working. The bosses there all made us as crazy as they were.

No. I don't have that experience.

Funny you should mention that- my 17 year old son (who I must admit does make me realize at times that my worrying about her watching me is kind of silly) will sometimes wave at her window (I am unsure if she can see lol) when I tell him to walk quietly up the stairs, or not to slam the car doors too loud. The more he tells me that she isn't watching and that she doesn't care what we are doing- the more it sinks in that she most likely isn't. Maybe if I hear it enough times I will finally believe it...

I would love not having neighbors! On my mother's street (around the corner from me... 1st mistake when I bought my house lol) - my mother tends to know a lot about her neighbors - especially the ones that are on the side of her kitchen window. Maybe that is what made me think Joyce is also watching me. My mother really doesn't know much about her new neighbors (they had been over a year I think). I think the ones she paid attention to were the ones that we kind of trouble makers on the street. As I think about it- she has kind of been letting me down when I ask her about the family- and she can't answer my questions lol.

I believe I am. I live in the rural, but I believe in spy cameras there. If not cameras, people's own eyes. I live on a good amount of acreage and I'm nearsighted.

I often think my roommate might be looking at everything I do online somehow. She seems like the type who likes to be in everyone's business, especially if she likes them. I get the sense that her mother was like this with her, went through all her **** in her room when she wasn't home, etc... and now that's the way she is. I don't know for sure if she does this, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was. Other than that, no, I don't feel like I'm being watched.

We are all being watched. I'm religious so I believe the lord is watching us. I also believe that I have a guardian that watches over me all the time and does actually keep me alive. Not to mention I do believe aliens/ghosts (I have my own theory on how the two are connected and possibly the same) watch us as well. I've always felt like I was on the Truman show type. It's funny as a child I always thought my life was being recorded for a TV show. I was terrified of everything because I thought everything was being recorded. This was like 10 years before the Truman show was ever made.

We are being watched. No matter how much we want to be alone and no matter how much we feel like we are alone, we're not and someone or something is out there watching our every move... Creepy... Re-re-re-re (<scary movie sound)

Quote:

Originally Posted by LyingSweetie Not when I'm alone, but whenever there's someone. even if I know I probably dont mean a **** to them, I feel like everyone is watching and judging me and thinking stuff about me and laughing at me constantly. Has anyone watched the anime 'Welcome to the NHK'... I usually don't watch anime but I think it portrayed social anxiety of this sort nicely

Hello LyingSweetie.

I love anime when I can afford to buy the d.v.d's. I cannot watch video's from my lap top at the moment cause it is too expensive (I don't have a land line, I use a mobile/cell phone card to gain access to the net with my lap top), so it's pricey to watch videos on-line.
I am though going to check out NHK asap. There is soooooo much anime out there for me to see yet. I will in time...
I like to collect the Tokyo-Pop books (graphic novels), they are quite wild in concepts and stories.
Since the turn of the century concepts of the 'watchers', and 'who watches the watchers' has become more relevant in the world that I see.
Its nothing new though, the book Nineteen Eighty Four (1984), by Orwell (published after WWII, about 1954), told me about my 'Potential' future. Now its here in the 21st century. Just ideas though, I guess using current events I/we could do what Orwell did by projecting our ideas from culture and mass media, then crafting stories about 'Potential' future events.

Thanks for the reply

Quote:

Originally Posted by mala I felt like that, which was hell for someone who likes privacy. I realise that all of it was part of my mental illness, and it was awful, even today I have to remind myself - no you are not being watched, its your mh problems - thats how I feel about it.

Hello mala.

I totally feel for you on that reply. Sometimes I feel the same, and I have to remind myself that its my MI. Sometimes though I don't think its 'my' MI at all, I see those feeling as being placed by too much mass media, or being programmed by the society I inhabit. So I kinda look at it and think its 6 of 1 and half a dozen of another.
Thanks for you're reply.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave255 If people are watching me they must be extremely bored as I don't lead the most exciting life. Imagine watching someone watch TV for hours, couldn't get any more boring then that. Though watching someone sleep might be.

hello Dave.

LoL...watching someone sleep.......Thats the show called 'Big Brother'..lol.

dunno. I am from the Eastern Bloc. Mom had person from secret police in her work place and she outted him when it all came crushing down during Velvet revolution. Sooo... I guess some of my paranoia is due to growing up in uncertain times (for long time I carried passport and deutsche mark (later euro) with me for if i had to unexpectely leave the country (you know foreign invasion...).

and meh, I am pretty sure we are being watched and tracked. Each time you use credit card. Cross a border. Are online. The webcams..... sure nobody cares about you in particular, but meh.... we are monitored. And it is reality, not my MI. You are safe as long as you don't plot or ain't being stupid.

Patriot Act, anybody?

Well I don't think people are necessarily watching, but I do think that there is far too much of my data being mined. There are a bunch of data bases that have bits of information about what I'm doing, what sort of things I like , and where I like to go. But I know there's no one actually picking through this information and gathering it together. I think it's just programs that try to guess what sort of ads I'll be interested in.

Oh! this one is single lets post a bunch of singles ads for the area.

The Patriot Act? As in comments? I think not. I have enough watchers
I had a reply all typed out when this thread was new but I could've sworn the OP requested no talk of government snooping paranoia so I deleted it.
I recall something about the focus being on a supreme being or higher power watching over us or some such.
Now it's social engineering? Or mental illness? Hard to keep up
If anyone thinks that the technology isn't there or the will to use it isn't there...you're just not keeping up
It isn't going to matter to 99% of us but if anyone thinks the innocent have nothing to fear...they don't read the news I guess

[B]hello Venus.

Very true. Uncertain times and political ends dictate our well being (or not). Living in the 'Eastern Block' during the post war era must had been heavy. I grew up in England, and the Berlin wall was brought down when I was 19 (1989).
In those times it does not surprise me to learn that work places were assigned 'spies' for local police/gov opp's.

What was weird for myself in the UK. In the 70s esp (I was born in 1970), was the 'duck and cover' routines. The 'what to do' in the event of a nuclear attack. Personally I would want to be under the thing, not a survivor of such an event. Somebody though must had been assigned to our region to look for potential spies (there was an arms factory near my home), but obviously nothing as intense as living behind the red curtain.
The up-shot of all those practice alarms, and the paranoia, was the dreams they gave me. I have many dreams of facing that disaster from lots of angles.
Thank you for the reply.

No one is interested!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pachyderm No one is interested!

hello pachyderm.

Lol. I have to say the only person who I want to look over me is my 'lover' (when I meet her). I was with one lover for 10 years, and we knew each others routines well by the end of the relationship.
I been 'out of love' now for a few years and its 'not nice'.
Sooo the 'ones' I would want to watch out for me are my friends here at PC, and love in the future..

In the bigger picture though, I am not interesting enough to warrant interest. I was a model/actor if that counts. (does that count, being on stage or in front of a camera, hmmmm, I'm gonna have to think on that 1)..
Thanks for you're reply.

Yea, I can relate to that. Even when I'm on my own in the wilderness there’s always that bloody baseball league satellite. And I'm only half joking there!

I think it has to do with my paranoia. Funny but this is the first time that I’ve truly admitted to myself just how much a part of me it really is.

I’ll SEE YOU later!