Am i an abuser???

i havent written on here in a very long time but i am kinda struggling with something. when i was a child i was raped by my brother which then turned into an incest relationship. so from age 7-13 my brother and i had relations. after evrything was put out in the open he and i were split up which worked just fine because he was going to cllege (he is 5 years older) we dont live with each other but it seems like recently we have been seeing a lot of each other. it seems like since, i have been having a lot of dreams and fashbacks about those times. but i am worried because i am scared of myself. this past week i have been babysitting my coousins and i love them so much. wht scares me is sometimes i will look at them and have thoughts of touching them. dee inside i would never do such a thing because i know what it feels like but i am so scared of myself because i feel like a monster for thinking those things. i just dont know what to do

only your treatment providers can say whether you are a danger to your self or others because of what you went through. what I can say is that its very common for those that have been sexually abused to act out what has happened to them with other people. part of having PTSD. its also common for "some" not all, victims becoming abusers them selves.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers aka your family doctor, your therapist a psychiatrist, psychologist. they can help you through the trauma that you went through as a child and help you so that you can heal from this and be safe with yourself and others.

I agree with amandalouise that "its very common for those that have been sexually abused to act out what has happened to them with other people. part of having PTSD. its also common for "some" not all, victims becoming abusers them selves."
You are not a monster. You experienced trauma when you were very young - you were raped, and damage was done. I urge you to find a therapist and start working on this. You CAN stop these feelings you have, you CAN work through the guilt and shame you feel, and you CAN HEAL. You are heading in the right direction by posting here. You know there is a problem, and there are people (therapists) who can help. You have the motivation, now it's time to act. Please do. Hugs

To come on here and publicly say that you are having these thoughts is a very big step, and one that means you are very aware that its wrong. Its one thing to say youve been abused, its another to say that you think you are an abuser. Getting help like this before anything unfolds is a sure fire way to get past it, rather than trying to get help once its already happened.

((lyrical_chula)) I agree with the above posters--- and strongly with for you to admit out loud even here, even to yourself of this issue, is a big step.. now the next step is to get help from some one that is able to help.

I know therapy can be $$$- but go to your county mental health office and surely they can help you. In my county they can help people with out insurance, with out a job, with out any thing- they are there to help.

You don't have to do this struggle on your own, you are already taking the steps by realizing something is wrong.

Best wishes to you

I relate to being raped (by non-family however) and PTSD stuff. Big hug to you for having a voice!! That is great and you will go a long way faster than most. A lot of us lose our voice, and some just live in the mire for ever, and some of us find our voice and move on to healing. You got some great advice here, but you did the right thing first for yourself by voicing it.

I want to let you know that most people who are abused don't go on to abuse, regardless of the thoughts and knowing that you have them makes it more likely that you won't go on to abuse others if you get the help you need.

I don't think that you'll act on the thoughts. You know that such actions are wrong, and you are repulsed by them. You cannot be blamed for your thoughts; they're uncontrollable! And no one has ever been harmed simply because someone else thought about harming them. If you were on a diet, would you feel guilty if you thought about eating an entire package of donuts? I'm going to guess that you probably wouldn't. You'd put that thought in the back of your head and take another bite of your salad.

You are not a monster. You are a victim.

thank you everyone! this means a lot and i am in the process of trying to find a therapist its hard because i am so picky but i know soon i will find one

That doesnt matter, you want to be able to talk to someone who you and trust and feel comfortable around, that may not be the first therapist you come across.

I support shopping around for the right therapist.

http://contemporarypsychotherapy.org...schema-theray/