[siljie]

I just don't know what to do anymore... This is nothing compared to the abuse I've faced in the past, but it brings back so much that I've tried to put behind me. Through the years, I've become really good friends with this boy in my grade. We share a lot with each other and I'm very blunt with him. This year we both entered high school, and we are debate partners... He's been harassing me since last year, but this time he's really crossed a line. I am about to snap. Today on the ride back from a tournament I was almost in tears from frustration. He used to hit me, hard, get me in a headlock, and rub me up against him. And he always is slapping me hard on the bottom and whispering sexual things to me. He always talks about raping me and wanting to have sex with me and always flirts and does this through text message and in real life even though I repeatedly tell him to stop. He hardly ever gives me personal space when I need it, and is always groping up on me and hugging me and telling me how sexy I am and how much he wants to do me. Probably.. twice, last weekend, we were at my house working on evidence and he closed the door of my room, pushed me against the wall, got up on me, and said he was gonna rape me. He always says he's just kidding around, every time I yell at him to get off me or tell him off.

I ALWAYS tell him to cut it out, that he needs to back off, and that I have boundaries and NEED TO BE RESPECTED. I tell him to stop being such a man w**** and to get a life and that if we're going to keep being friends he needs to BACK OFF AND STOP. He always says okay okay and says he's just kidding and blahblahblah BUT THEN HE JUST DOES IT AGAIN!!!

This is so triggering for me I feel like I'm going to explode at him. I don't want to be hurt again like this, I just wish he would STOP!! How do I get it through his head?!?! I don't know what else to do.

[Gus1234U]

there's an old saying around here : "don't feed the bears"... as long as you tolerate that behavior, it will escalate, and one day,,, you don't want to go there... learn self defense, invite a 3rd party who will support you,, Do NOT let him in the house while you are home alone~~~ these are the little things many young women learn the hard way... i sure hope you find some help,,, SOON~! best wishes,, Gus

[Flooded]

Punch the little fker in the nuts.

[hate1411]

avoid him and dont go anywhere with him alone , he is not worth it... Always have someone with you when he is around and ask for help or speak to someone who can help where you are ...

[Rohag]

Siljie, your "friend's" behavior is totally unacceptable. Do not delay, inform

• your parents
• your teacher(s)
• your counselor(s)

Make a formal complaint or report now. If you get no response from any of the above, do not hesitate to contact the police. Gus1234U speaks wisdom; don't let this escalate.

[lynn P.]

Sorry this is happening. You need to get the principal involved in this on Monday and request not to be his partner with anything. Never let him come to your house or be alone with him. If he does get near you, then you need to kick him where it hurts. You should also block him from contacting you online and don't talk to him anymore at school. Take a self defense class or enroll in karate lessons. Don't wait or else this will continue.

[krisakira]

You need to tell an adult. School counselor, parent, teacher, therapist, doctor, anyone. This is not something to "get over", or "wait till it goes away" or "ignore". This is not acceptable behavior.

tell him that if to stop. if he doesn't tell him you will call the police & do it. keep yourself safe by not being alone with him. period.

a good friend does not treat another good friend like this. he is a jerk. when you allow him to treat you like this then you tell him it is ok...you need to be straight forward, clear & firm & say I DO NOT LIKE THIS BEHAVIOR YOU NEED TO STOP NOW.

maybe he should not be your friend? because really what does he bring to the equation other than grief?

don't work on projects alone with him in your house. do it in the library, mcdonalds, where ever but never alone. if he complains tell him to bad his behavior does not make you feel safe. if he refuses then walk & tell him to find another partner to wrok with.

this guy thinks you are a pushover...& honestly from what you have posted maybe you have been to some effect...if you don't want him to pester you you must take a firm stand. he isn't going to be happy but he is molesting you.
only you can get him to stop my making the call...once & for all...he is not going to stop on his own just because he feels like.

good luck
stumpy

[krisakira]

I don't think trying to tell him to stop is the right thing anymore. this needs to be handled by adults.

[googley]

You need to tell your Parents, the School and the police.

His behavior is not okay. EVER!

Write down as much as you can about what you remember about where, when, and what happened and who else was around. Block him from contacting you on social media. Tell your parents today. If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, tell a teacher, school counselor, parent of a friend, religious leader (if you have one), or some other adult. You need to keep telling and asking for help until something is done. It doesn't matter that he was your friend. If he does something like this again yell really loud "stop, take your hands off of me!" try to get the attention of anyone else who is around. It may feel weird, but it brings attention to what is going on.

I know it can be hard to talk about these things, but it is important for your safety that you speak up.

[wing]

All good advice...take it, please! before something worse happens. Abusers always escalate. He is doing so and to the point of being dangerous.

[gma45]

Good advice- Did you save the text messages if you did show them to an adult. You are diffidently being sexually harassed which is totally against the law. Break up the friendship NOW! That is not how friends treat friends male or female! If you have any other male friends or big brother that knew this was going on they would be kick'n some butt!

[Flooded]

Not only are you being sexually harassed, but also threatened and emotionally abused. There is no time to waste with this type of scum. Act now.

Hello, siljie. Please listen to the advice given. Never be alone with this person again. You are in my thoughts.

[Emotionally Dead]

This is just summing up what everyone else has said, but legally (as I have studied law) as long as you have told him to cease then you have the right to file a complaint. If you have told him to stop, and told him no, then you have every right to talk to the police. However, they are going to want you to stay completely away from him. No friendship, no projects together, and certainly no being ALONE together. They may even think it is in your best interest to file a restraining order, as even reporting the behavior may not stop him. I do think you should tell someone, and then do as they say and stay away from him. If it continues to happen he will be legally responsible and charges can then be filed.

Wish you all the best and hope you're doing okay.

[siljie]

THANK YOU for all this advice. Jeez, I really needed to get that off my chest... I told me T about this last week, though it has gotten a little worse since then. Other kids have noticed some of it too, and ask me why he's always up on me. I'm not responding to any of his text messages, and if he does something in debate tomorrow I am really going to snap. I will most likely yell at him loud enough for the teacher to hear that I'm his debate partner, not his sex toy.

I would directly tell a teacher at this time, but last year when I sought to get out of the abusive relationship I was in that threatened my life I wrote a teacher I looked up to a letter and she handled it inappropriately. /: I'm just kind of afraid of that happening again.

Tomorrow I plan on telling my mom. I NEVER want to be pushed around again.

[madisgram]

i agree with many who have given advice. having been emotionally and physically abused in the past this is what i've learned-
abusers' behavior only escalate
reasoning with an abuser is fruitless
for abusers it's about controlling others
abusers rarely "change their colors". they do not change. statistical fact.
you are in danger having anything at all with him.
seek help from ppl, don't protect him by remaining silent

[lynn P.]

I think you need to go directly to your principal, who would then tell your teacher. Things like this need to be taken care of the moment it happens - I know most people freeze and think it won't happen again. I have 2 daughters almost 10 and 14. My 14 yrs old is a black belt in karate. Most of the guys around her know they can't get away with saying or trying to touch her, because she will / can defend herself.

You said if he does this you'll snap - don't wait or let it build. Be proactive and go directly to your principal. You can also learn how to walk and talk with confidence - others can sense if you might not tell or can be victimized. I've instilled this confidence in my girls and I'm passing this onto you now. Its your body. Tell the principal if this isn't taken care of, you'll then call the police.

Originally Posted by siljie

THANK YOU for all this advice. Jeez, I really needed to get that off my chest... I told me T about this last week, though it has gotten a little worse since then. Other kids have noticed some of it too, and ask me why he's always up on me. I'm not responding to any of his text messages, and if he does something in debate tomorrow I am really going to snap. I will most likely yell at him loud enough for the teacher to hear that I'm his debate partner, not his sex toy.

I would directly tell a teacher at this time, but last year when I sought to get out of the abusive relationship I was in that threatened my life I wrote a teacher I looked up to a letter and she handled it inappropriately. /: I'm just kind of afraid of that happening again.

Tomorrow I plan on telling my mom. I NEVER want to be pushed around again.

You need to go directly to your principal. This is beyond a teacher's realm of jurisdiction anyway. Better yet, have your parents contact the principal. I am a teacher and as far as I know, most schools have policies in place regarding sexual harassment. It is taken very seriously around here. If the harassment is also taking place outside of the school (which seems to be the case), you need to file a complaint with the police department as schools have no jurisdiction beyond their property lines. If the school does not get on this immediately, go above the prinicipal's head. Usually there is an administrator in charge of student services (or something along that lines) that handles issues that aren't handled to satisfaction at the campus level.

[googley]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

You need to go directly to your principal. This is beyond a teacher's realm of jurisdiction anyway. Better yet, have your parents contact the principal. I am a teacher and as far as I know, most schools have policies in place regarding sexual harassment. It is taken very seriously around here. If the harassment is also taking place outside of the school (which seems to be the case), you need to file a complaint with the police department as schools have no jurisdiction beyond their property lines. If the school does not get on this immediately, go above the prinicipal's head. Usually there is an administrator in charge of student services (or something along that lines) that handles issues that aren't handled to satisfaction at the campus level.

I would add to farmergirl's post that you should report this to the police no matter what your school decides. This is a legal matter. He is assaulting you. That it sometimes happens on school grounds does not mean that the legal system should not get involved. I know that some people believe that getting punished at school is all that should happen for violence that happens between students, however, I do not believe this is right. If you want legal protection from him, you need to get the police involved. Your school may be reticent to do that. If so, it is up to you and your parents to get them involved.

What a vile person this guy is, I feel angry reading this, How dare he do this.

I agree with the others, Go to the police and file a complaint about this guy, If he thinks he is getting away with this he will do it more and possibly do it to someone else.

Let us now how it goes.x

[siljie]

I will update you all soon. Again thank you for all the support and advice.

[Eliz1.]

this is awful, i cannot imagine what you are going through. Obviously everyone above is making perfect sense but it isnt just as easy to start blocking him from things and avoiding him if you are in school together and are debate partners. But as serious as this is FLOODED you got a point:') & i do advise you to tell your family or at least any of your other 'girl' friends?

[siljie]

Update on today... I kind of chickened out. /: Luckily nothing even happened today because our debate coach was in a really foul mood and we were working from bell to bell. I didn't even talk to him today and he didn't text me thank god. I planned on telling my mom but I dunno... I'm building up the courage! Trust me I will not let myself get manipulated anymore though!! Step by step..

[elliemay]

You will move forward with this when you are ready. These issues are not as cut and dried as people think. You don't need to anything that you aren't prepared to do.

But you do have options available to you. There should be confidential programs at your school where you can discuss these options, or you can PM me if you like.

Women's centers, planned parenthood and even most rape crisis centers all can provide excellent resources to empower your decision making in a confidential and supportive manner.

Things like this are not as uncommon as you might think. You are not alone. Again, you can PM me anytime.

Ellie