Hate Penn. State

In a criminal proceeding, beyond a reasonable doubt is the standard of proof the state must meet. Preponderance of the evidence is a lesser standard the plaintiff must meet in a civil proceeding.

This is one of the most tragic things I've ever seen. The scope of the whole situation is mind boggling...my guess is (from having worked at one college and two public high schools) that it was almost common knowledge what was going on. There had to be rumors. It just blows my mind!

When I think about Penn State, the #1 thought I've always had was football. Don't you know football is HUGE there, it's probably a beacon to the local economy - kinda' makes you wonder how much hanky-panky and worse gets swept under the rug at other universities known for their sports programs?

It wouldn't surprise me if when the dust settles at Penn State it's going to look like a tsunami swept through. I don't see how anybody who knew about this could look at themselves in a mirror much less always rave on about Penn State being all about integrity and such high ideals of sportsmanship. Talk about "smoke and mirrors".

I read this morning that Joe Paterno, in addition to all his other problems now, has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. The report I read said it is curable but people fighting cancer really don't need any other stress in their lives.

It's really something!

I heard on the news that Sandusky posted $250,000 bond to get out of jail. I feel if this was a regular person on the street, they wouldn't be allowed out of jail if they were accused of being a serial child sexual offender. New reports are, he even wouldn't let one young man go free from his basement - kept him confined. The young man is alleging, his wife was home and he yelled for help but no one helped him. I think he's getting preferential treatment. He's also notorious for evading questions such as ...."do you enjoy sex with young boys?"....his answer "sure I love all kids and enjoy being around them"

There are so many coming forward now, he has been abusing for years. I heard a big number of victims, but I cant recall was it over 40? How awful this went on for so long. Abusers really know their craft of making sure their victims stay silent.
This is a very troubling case to process in any one's mind. I hope justice is served.
Open Eyes

Both would be important to me. Aiding a loved one is important for their healing. Helping the attacker may prevent them from re-offending and may encourage others to ask for help before they re-offend.

Indirectly that will help to protect my child. Of course you would have to believe a pedophile can be rehabilitated. I believe.

Pedophilia is not new. We have all grown up with them in our midst. Are there more today then in the 60's or 70's etc or do we just hear about more incidents?

I ask this because this generation of kids seem to be victimized without being victims. When I was growing up we were expected to be friendly with people. It was the polite thing to do. Yes, avoid strangers but not to the point of being dumb founded by my 'friendly hello' even when they are standing right next to mom or dad in the grocery store. Babies will respond because they haven't yet been programmed with fear.

It is really sad actually. I think we scar our kids by our parinoias. Kids don't play outside like we did growing up in the 60's. They don't do sleep overs like we did growing up. I live in a neigbourhood with lots of families and children but you wouldn't know it. They are 'safely' locked in the house. In my day we were expected to play outside afterschool until dinner call. The mom's all had a different sounding 'dinner' whistle.

I am an older parent so I think this change is more obvious to me than the younger parents who were probably also raised to fear strangers. It has become a norm. How sad is that!

We go way overboard in my opinion. Kids don't get enough exercise anymore. Obesity is out of control. Sedentary gaming is out of control. Bullying is out of control. Is there a connection here? I think there are.

Yes, parents need to be attentive. But that is nothing new either.

I work with traumatized children. 90% (yes 90%) of children are sexually assaulted and/or abused by someone they know. It isn't the "stranger danger" that was emphasized in the 80s.

This whole situation at Penn State makes me sick.

Good point Google. After my post I thought about all those kids locked up after school. Are they safer in there? Like you say 90% of the perps are known. Makes the stranger danger parinoia that much more rediculous and harmful to child development.

As for the PS situation I am heart broken for how all this media and public attention is going to hurt them over the long term. It is one thing to have the courage to report it is another to have the strength to survive the fail out if they do.

This is going to set back reporting a long ways like it does every time a victim is splashed as a 'news story' of the week. Give it a week and the media and public will be on to something else until something stirs this up again and again and again.

If we cared for the victims we would not put them through any more hell to satisfy the judgemental voyourism of our society. If I put myself in their shoes all I would want is some privacy and time to heal. Keep me in this story and you victimize me again and again and again. All hope of healing snatched from the public opinion that says I will never get past the experience.

Society is so cruel. And we wonder why. I think our idea of supporting victims is seriously out of wack. There has to be a better way.

Maybe some parents coddle their kids too much but I don't. I have 2 girls almost 10 and 14. I know pedophilia's not new and most of the cases are people who are known to them. I have always let my kids play outside and they're an ideal weight. I prepared my kids but I didn't terrify them - I reminded them there's stranger danger but the more common kind is from the people you know. My preparing them was always age appropriate. I taught them to respect adults but not blindly and if they ever felt uncomfortable with a person...that respect should be questioned. I empowered my girls rather than scaring them. My oldest is a black belt.

Since family abuse is so rampant, I did explain to them your relatives or mom/dads friends are sometimes capable of doing inappropriate things. Decades ago if parents taught their kids to tell and be prepared to react, there wouldn't be so many victims. Most victims freeze because they've been so perfectly groomed that they so admire the pedophile and are shocked when they strike. I know that feeling of being so shocked/confused that you're stunned -luckily at the age of 13 I was able to fend off my BIL.

Sometimes the media/court system does re victimize but in this case I think these victims are ready for justice. This was already dragged through previous questioning but his buds lied and covered up for him. If anything that victimized them more. Fortunately these now adult men never gave up and I give them credit. I will now jump down from my

I appreciate your perspective and it is apparent that you are an attentive, involved and caring mother. But.... I find this to be one of those over the top warnings for children. At least for me. It is my job to screen the people who might spend private time with my child. I don't want my child suspecting everyone. I want them to learn how to listen to their own instincts.

When I was a child an alcoholic uncle was always gropping us girls. People thought it harmless, even funny but I didn't. I learned to keep my distance and stick close to mom when he was around. I never had to worry about being left alone with my uncle because my mother knew without me saying anything that he could not be trusted. She may have thought him harmless too but she was intuitive about my discomfort and without question stepped up to make sure I stayed safe.

I expect the question of what to say and how to say it etc is unique to every family. An approach can work for one family and backfire for another. The important thing is for parents to be attentive and to trust their own instincts about people who spend time with their children.

Ya but at what cost. I doubt they had any idea how this thing was going to explode with them smack in the middle of it. Very sad re-victimization. This story is going to go on for years while the judicial process does its thing. The constant resurfacing of the pain that those years will cause is unforgiveable to me. Is it any wonder kids stay quiet. Or probably wish they did once the **** hit the fan.

There has to be a better way that truly does protect and support and usher healing for the victims. Justice is more than a legal issue.

I think you mean that 90% of children who are sexually assaulted are assaulted by someone they know.

Sorry to the original poster if this is off topic. Its good you had that intuition about your uncle but that's also because you witnessed some uncomfortable groping that put up red flags for you. Most family, friends and acquaintance assaults are done by very sly people and they spend a great deal of time grooming their potential victim. One of the best grooming tricks is the tickling game. In order to understand this, you need to look at it from the childs perspective. They usually appear like this great loving person and they win the childs trust. The child thinks this person is great or in the case of a coach - they look up and idolize this adult. When the perpetrator finally strikes the child/young adult is totally shocked, confused and crushed by the betrayal. Most of the time they literally freeze.

I have be very vigilant in protecting my girls without scaring them. The fact is, I can't be with them every second. When I talked to them about familiar sexual molestation/abuse, I prefaced it by saying this may never happen. If they're outside walking our dog and our friend drives by - they should know not to go with them if they're uncomfortable. If you're having a party with a house full of people, your eyes can't be every where, so they need to know this could happen. My kids don't go around fearing everyone. When I was 13 I never thought in a million years my BIL would want me in a sexual way. My mother only told me of stranger assault. I never dreamed the man I've known since I was 5 and married to my sister would do this - luckily my instincts and repulsion kicked in. I promised myself I would educate my girls that abusers could be familiar and seem very nice.

Regarding the victims in this case - if there was a better way that would be great. I honestly think this coach has the same mentality of the NAMBLA organization who believe its fine to have sex with minors because they love them. Its his denial/fame that's fueling this media attention. These men are adults now and I presume they're ready to fight this. I saw an Oprah show where the whole audience were men who were abused as children. I think men feel even more shame and secrecy. It the shame and secrecy that helps these predators continue their abuse. Even most parents have a hard time admitting it could happen to their child by someone they love or admire.

I thank you for your response but we remain miles apart so we will just have to agree to disagree.