[lostone]

Hi,, Sorry you are feeling so bad these days..
Remember you aren't alone and that people here do care. Hang in there and SMILE.

[Greenleaves]

Thank-you lostone.

It means a lot to me that I'm not alone and people care. Thanks for replying to me. I was starting to think I was talking to myself. lol

(((((lostone))))))

[lostone]

lol... nope not talking to yourself!!
I am on quite a bit so if you ever need to talk,, pm me.
Keep smiling,,

[Greenleaves]

Thanks lostone

[Greenleaves]

I almost sent out an e-mail to the admin guy again. I typed it all out and was about to hit the send button. I decided to hit the save button instead.

Well done for hitting save instead of send. If you want... You could send it to me. You know... I was thinking about how you were saying you wanted to send an apology. And a thanks for his addendum. I think that would be appropriate. You might not get a response... But I think that would be appropriate. It is more... Lots and lots of emails that is inappropriate. And attacking / threatening emails that are inappropriate.

I would be happy to check a message over if you would like. Just PM me with it if you would like.

> I'm feeling a little lonely. Sometimes it seems like I don't matter.

Okay.

> I wonder if friendships here are real. I wonder if people really listen.

Hmm.

> I wonder if there are people who really don't like me.
> Iwish I weren't so insecure...

I feel insecure sometimes too. Regarding whether people like me or not my motto is 'you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time'. Sometimes people don't really like you... But in time they come to like you :-) Sometimes people can feel a little (or a lot) annoyed with you. But in time that feeling passes.

What I personally notice about feeling unconnected and ignored... Is that the fastest way to make connections is to seek people out. In posting to this thread... You are asking people to reach out to you... And in not posting to their threads... You really aren't returning the favour.

When I want to make a connection I post to other peoples threads.

Even if I can't think of what to say... Just a brief little something can mean a lot to a person (I know it means something to me). And the more time / energy you invest in reaching out to others... The more you find that people are going to invest their time / energy in reaching out to you.

Sometimes it can be hard... Especially when I'm very focused on myself and my hurts :-( But I have learned that if I do it DESPITE how I feel... Then it has the power to change how I feel when people start responding more to my posts :-)

Just a causal regularity I've noticed ;-)

Take care.

[Greenleaves]

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I would be happy to check a message over if you would like. Just PM me with it if you would like.

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Thanks for the offer, but I think it's best if I don't thank him again. I've already done it about 2 times.

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Regarding whether people like me or not my motto is 'you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time'.

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That's a hard one to get around...that there will always be someone who doesn't like me. It takes a lot of self esteem to get over that.

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You are asking people to reach out to you... And in not posting to their threads... You really aren't returning the favour.

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A lot of the time I just feel like my advice is not worth giving because of my lack of experience in everything.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Just a brief little something can mean a lot to a person (I know it means something to me). And the more time / energy you invest in reaching out to others... The more you find that people are going to invest their time / energy in reaching out to you.

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Hmmm...I think you're right. I will try to practice reaching out to others more and see what happens. I'm not sure why I have trouble replying to others in a message board... I think I do a much better job of reaching out to others in chat. It's more like regular social interaction...it's more personal. Maybe I have a hard time realizing that there are real people behind these posts... and it becomes more difficult to care.

Thanks Alex, for the advice. I'll try to imagine people behind posts more...

Hopefully that will help me with helping others more.

[Greenleaves]

Sigh, I wanted to abandon this thread already and only post replies to people, but I can't.

I posted a few replies today. I hope they are OK.

I'm just feeling lonely again. I hate how I can't talk about certain things. I don't have a good way to suppress my feelings. I don't have the discipline others do. When I'm depressed I have to tell the world. Like I'm important...sigh.

I keep thinking the worst when people don't reply...

I keep refreshing the forums because I'm lonely. It's sad, but I really don't have anyone other than my pdoc to talk to in real life. I don't know how people do it.

I'm inconsolable.

[Greenleaves]

I'm pathetic. I'm so lonely and needy. I should go to bed now before I get so sorry for myself that I cry.

you are okay you know. there are people who like you very much. and as for the people who don't like you particularly... it is probably the case that you don't like them particularly either... i tend to find that there just are some people in the world who i have a hard time connecting with. i find that sometimes. sometimes it can be like there is a personality clash or something. but... it doesn't feel nice to think that there are some people who don't like us :-( i struggle a little with that too. but i console myself with the realisation that... we typically don't really have very much in common. and that is why... we don't really get on.

also... most people don't dislike us. just like how you don't dislike most people. i tend to find it is fairly rare that i simply don't seem to be able to get on with someone.

you have already apologised... okay. probably best to leave it then.

yeah. the connection takes time... it does. sometimes i find that i respond to maybe 5 or 6 or 7 threads and i might get back 1 or maybe 2 or possibly 3 responses. i think the thing is to really dwell on and appreciate what you do get. and to respond to people individually who respond to you. there are things you can do to foster getting positive responses from others.

it is something i think about a lot...

my dbt therapist used to help me notice causal regularities in inter-personal things. and i notice them quite a lot now.

i hear you when you say you need to vent. sometimes... i need to vent too. and i do vent. i vent a fair bit really. and venting is okay. but when the venting is fairly relentless then people do kind of tend to stop reading. because it can be fairly draining to read a lot of venting. but i think it is okay to vent. and if people find it too hard to read then it is their responsibility to notice that they are finding it hard and to stop reading if that would be better for them.

i'm not saying to stop venting... vent if it helps :-)
i think that is part of how the boards help.
because sometimes it helps to get things out there.

but venting is one thing...
and meaningful connections with others can be another...

and the latter tends to come from responding to others. and fostering responses. it can be really very hard at times. but... i think it is something that helps... longer term. regarding advice... we can only offer. sometimes it will resonate and sometimes it won't. mostly... what people seem to want is a little validation rather than specific advice anyways. and you can do that :-)

though it can be really very hard sometimes. i appreciate that.