[eskielover]

There are some things you need to realize at your young age. It is time for you to grow up & act like an adult. What is the thing about if he wants me in jail, he can have it done because you gave him enough information to be able to do that. It sounds like you have quite a need for drama in your life rather than learning how to just live a normal unassuming life where you are not anowing other people just to get attention.

I married at the age of 22 with someone the age of 23. There were so many issues that I thought would go away as he got older & more responsible. We tolerated each other for many years until I finally got to the point where I got very tired of living with a child. He got to the point where he started going to my pdoc & was hoping for a pill that sould take care of the problems. The thought he refused to realize was that there is no pill that can make your personality grow up or learn how to act acceptable around others. There are no miricals that can fix anyones problems. There may be pills that can help you calm down to the point where therapy with your mind will be able to realize what actions are acceptable to people in the world. There is no point in pushing things that you already know are not working right nor are acceptable to people around you. You need to learn how to just QUIT doing what you know is wrong. It seems for some reason, you seem to have a need to be is a position where you know you are doing something that is not accaptable to some people but just refuse to take the responsibility of your own to stop doing what you already know is wrong.

I see a similar situation with living with a person who always gave excuses for why he did the things he did & the fact was that the actions weren't acceptable to those around him. If you have read my posts, I am having problems, but am realizing that only I can make the changes necessary to make the needed changes for my life to become liveable again. I know it is hard work, & there is nothing that makes it easy......but there is no other way for us to grow up & become responsible adults without offending those around us.

Hopefully there will be meds for you that can make the therapy work better (unlike me who has horrible reactions to the meds). The change you need & want can only happen when you make them work.......& nothing can do it for you. People can say things to reinforce your good behavior (kind of like training dogs). Inappropriate action has to be made known to the dog....they have to know they responded wrong.....& correct actions need to be reinforced & you need to know what is acceptable. It is important for you to listen to those people around who have given you good advice & ways to handle yourself appropriately.

You have been given good advice continually, but without listening & really wanting the changes to happen, it is all up to you & no one can make anything happen other than you. My husband never took responsibility for his actions & he has ended up in a life that he doesn't really want to be in......but it was his choice & no one could make the choices other than him.

You can take the responsibility if you want to.....it is tough, but will happen if you want it to.....people can only say so much then you will only hear the same thing over & over again as is has happened in my marriage until the divorce if finally going through.

Please take the responsibility for your actions that you need to do to get along in the world. Some people enjoy living with drama in their lives & just aren't interested in any changes, but we are all responsible for living the kind of lives we want to live.

You are capable of living the kind of life you talk about wanting....but it is something only you can do.

Take care of yourself....you deserve to have the good life you want,
Debbie

[hereiam]

[harrison]

how does one say "yes dear"..enough..
you jump from place to place ..
stalke?r..yes yes..
you will ignor this...and every ones advice..

[sharita]

Greenleaves, I've been reading your posts and I'm really hesitant about replying, as you know a little attention is never enough.

I truly know the feeling of wanting attention but your only making yourself sicker. Especially, when others don't reply you get those negative emotions....No one likes me....everyone hates me...I'm so alone....and then you quickly think of something else to post about so people will respond and those feelings will temporarily leave. I don't know you but I do want the best for you I know what it is like to go through that.

Have you ever tried joining a poetry site? Post a poem people will respond it will relieve the urge of wanting attention.

I would say get some help but that may only make things worse...Just Take care of yourself and find a way to get attention in a more positive way.

Hey. I want you to know that I do accept you and like you just the way you are. You don't have to change at all. If you stay just as you are now I will like you just as much as I do now which is to say that I'll keep on liking you a whole heap :-)

And in DBT... Your therapist should know that they need to be able to accept you just the way you are. And also... That you will feel a whole heap happier if you are able to accept yourself just the way you are.

Sometimes... Distress can be hard.

When people tell you to get a therapist... I think that what they see is that sometimes you are really distressed and they believe that a therapist will help you so that you won't feel so distressed so often.

But for you. You need to do it for you. Not for anybody else. If you do it for somebody else - because they told you to or because you are afraid they won't be your friend if you don't do it then the therapy won't be of any use to you. It needs to be something that you do for you.

gg is right. It won't change your personality. It won't change you into a different person. Just like how nobody on the boards can get you to change unless you want to no therapist will be able to change a single thing about you unless you want to change it.

What a therapist should be able to do, however, is help you change the things you want to change.

So maybe have a bit of a think...
Maybe start with the things you like about yourself.
:-)
I think it is good to remember those. To think about those.
And then think of some things that you might like to change (if only you knew how).
Like... How to feel less distressed.
A therapist can't make you do anything you don't want to do.
But a good therapist should accept you.
And that... Helps. :-)
It helps me when I feel like a person has accepted me
:-)
Just the way I am.
Because then I start thinking that maybe I am a good and likeable person after all.
And you are a good and likeable person just the way you are.
It is just that sometimes you seem to be in a lot of pain.
And I wish that was different...
Because it is hard to see people in pain when you care about them.
Like how it was hard for you to see hammie sick when he wasn't well and you were going to take him to the vets.
When you get distressed it is hard for me and I wish I could take you to a therapist.

> I want to be less distressed all the time, but I don't want to change my personality.

Sure thing. Therapy... Is just about helping you with the things you want help with. Your therapist can't make it magically all better... But then your therapist can't make you magically all different either ;-)

> I don't want to change how I interact with others. I will change that myself, if I want to. I don't want change forced upon me.

Sure thing. I don't like people 'doing things to me' either. That was the problem I had with CBT. It was change change change oriented. And I resisted that. In the same way you are. Nobody is going to change me! But when someone accepted me for who I was right now... I started seeing that there were some fairly specific things I would like to be different. I would like to feel less distressed. I would like to have more friends IRL. I would like to feel less anxious. I would like to attend more classes. Those kinds of things. Just what you want to change.

Because there are two options:

acceptance and change

and the choice... is up to you.
but it is just that sometimes we can't see *how* to change. and that is when other people... and therapises... can give us a hand. so we aren't forced into acceptance. we have *more* choices.

i think that... is what it is supposed to be about.

[Greenleaves]

I called the counselling place! It told me to leave a message and I did.

[LMo]

I'm very proud of you Greenleaves. VERY proud. This is a positive first step to feeling better...

[Greenleaves]

Thank LMo, thanks for the support and positive reinforcement.

[gardenergirl]

You sound proud of yourself. Good for you. Let us know how things go.

((((Greenleaves)))))

gg

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I want you to know that I do accept you and like you just the way you are. You don't have to change at all. If you stay just as you are now I will like you just as much as I do now which is to say that I'll keep on liking you a whole heap :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank-you for saying that Alex. It means a lot to me.

I like you too just the way you are.

I think I should at least try this therapy thing. I've never really gotten into it. I will give all things a chance.

I realized that there are some things I want to change. These changes will make me happier, so I do want them.

[Greenleaves]

I'm going to study one chapter of molecular evolution right now. I'll come back after I'm done.

I'm proud of you.
I think... I'm going to try and do something productive today too...



And thanks for liking me for me. It means a great deal

[Greenleaves]

Well, done with one chapter, onto the next.

I'd like to learn more about molecular evolution (or I think I would)...
I've been reading an anatomy / physiology textbook and that was really interesting until it got into how atoms bind into molecules... Too technical for an arts and social science student lol. Surface anatomy, organ systems, and different levels of explanation was interesting though :-)

Did you know there are 11 different organ systems?
(Cardio-vascular, Respiratory etc to give you different areas of medicine)

And I think it goes...

Atoms -> Molecules -> Organelles (not so sure what they are - strings of protein or something like that?) -> Tissue -> Organs -> Organ Systems -> Organism.

And... Anatomy deals with describing structures.
And... Physiology deals with the function of the described structures.

:-)

(I am getting a little bored waiting to start up again)

One thing I got to thinking about was that the organ systems are supposed to function to achieve / maintain homeostasis (or equilibrium) on... Maybe four things... (Temperature etc). And I got to thinking... About the (biological) meaning (function) of life... Homeostasis... Hmm...

Happy reading

[EJ711]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

[Greenleaves]

Done with another chapter

Onto another...but first a small break

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'd like to learn more about molecular evolution (or I think I would)...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think you would like it Alex. The course I'm in doesn't get very mathematical. It gets to the basics of evolution and what has been discovered is very interesting...

On the molecular level, natural selection (the positive selection for certain phenotypes, or traits) isn't that important, there's still some debate but...it seems that random chance events have more to do with evolution than once thought...

Evolution may work only through the elimination of deleterious mutations...the rest of the variations being neutral mutations that are on a stochastic roller coaster ride...either on their way to extinction or fixation

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I've been reading an anatomy / physiology textbook and that was really interesting

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's great! I'm always amazed at the wide variety of knowledge you possess.

Physiology...the importance of the structure-function relationship...it's almost miraculous...how things work. Physiology is challenging...it encompasses many levels of understanding...from first principles of physics to ecological interactions...

It's so cool. Thanks for reminding me why I like science. :-)

> The course I'm in doesn't get very mathematical.

Thank God for small mercies Though of course some people are good at that stuff...

> On the molecular level, natural selection (the positive selection for certain phenotypes, or traits) isn't that important... Evolution may work only through the elimination of deleterious mutations...

Interesting... I remember learning a little about evolution by natural selection when I did General and Experimental Psychology. The lecturer kept emphasising that it was better to think of natural selection as 'elimination of the unsuccessful' rather than as 'survival of the fittest'. He said the genes that were largely responsible for his nose (which wasn't the prettiest and ran in his family) hadn't been selected for because his nose was so very great; it is just that it wasn't hideous enough to have been selected against. So... We are all successful because we are all here

But then other things... Certain traits (like having a long neck if you are a giraffe and food is scarce so you have to reach for it)... Certain traits can confer an advantage on the organism so it is more likely to survive longer and produce more offspring (with similar genes / phenotype). But... That is the organism level and that doesn't happen so much on the molecular level they reckon? Interesting...

Uh. Do you know if they reckon the same goes for the cellular level?

> I'm always amazed at the wide variety of knowledge you possess.

Most of what I learn is abstract enough so as to apply to... Most things. And I guess we are expected to read widely as well... I like learning about different things. But it can be hard to find something at a suitable level (first year texts can be great but sometimes my interest isn't sustained enough for me to really grasp the concepts as I go along). I got a physics text too. Because I've heard that physics is math really and I wanted to understand how it was math. I see that now. Just took me 10 minutes. And yup, I see that physics is math. And thats all I needed / wanted to know about that lol.

> Thanks for reminding me why I like science. :-)

:-)

Welcome

[Greenleaves]

I want to e-mail the administrator so bad right now. I want to e-mail him to thank him for writing that he doesn't want bad things to happen to me. I want to e-mail him telling him that I won't try to jump off the CN tower or anything.

I'm going to write it here

Hi Dr. Bob,

I just want to thank-you again for writing that addendum. I'm just really really glad that you wrote that. I read it all the time now and it makes me feel better. I'm not sure what would have happened if you didn't write it. I'm just really glad that you did.

I promise I'll be good when I meet you and others in Toronto. I just want to say that because of this trip I'm going to try to get some counselling or something. Some people tell me that some Babbers may be weary of meeting me because they might be afraid that I will do something stupid. I want to alleviate people's fears any way that I can. I'm determined to make things better Dr. Bob. I promise.

Take care

jenny/Deneb

That is a nice thought :-)

If the urge to email gets real bad... You can email me. Or PM me here. I'll even try and do a Bobbish response (or ignore) if you would like though that could be verrrrrrry hard lol ;-)

Seriously though... That is a nice thought.

I don't think you should worry too much about how people are going to feel about meeting you in particular... My guess would be that most people will be feeling pretty nervous in general... Mostly worrying about themselves and hoping things go well all round. It should be fun

But on that note... Maybe we should leave it to PM's... Because it would be better if the thread doesn't get locked and I think the preference here is that we don't talk about certain things because some people find it upsetting or something like that...

I'm glad you are feeling better. And about the phoning the councelling service because you want to feel happier... I think that is what other people want for you too. I think that is why they have been going on and on and on about it for so long now. Because... People care. And when you care about someone... You do want them to be happy. I think people will be happy to hear that you have taken this positive step :-)

[Greenleaves]

I can't wait for the counselling place to get back to me. I keep thinking that I didn't leave a clear enough message or something and maybe they couldn't get my number or something.

I really need to work on changing my behaviour. I need to make sure I'm always civil and I have to reassure people that I won't harm myself ever.

I'm a little afraid to go back after 4 weeks because i don't want to be blocked for 8 weeks. I have to make sure I've got the rules down. I have to practice. Maybe I should run my posts by someone before posting it. I really don't want to ever get blocked again.

Maybe I should stay here for a while. I'm making new friends here. I'm making a new history here. I'll be a dual citizen.

I need a lot of help to make sure i never break the rules again. Will someone help me?

[Greenleaves]

I'm a little worried about how the counselling place is a Christian clinic because I'm an atheist.

They should be professional right? They are not going to push religion on me right?

[LMo]

Eh - they can try, but it's more their issue than yours. I'm not a religious person either, but I don't let other people's beliefs get in the way of my progress.

[Greenleaves]

I don't have anything against religion, it's just not something for me.

I just need to know whether their counselling uses religion or not. I'd be OK with things if they kept the two things separated.

[Greenleaves]

When I wasn't banned, I felt closer to him. Now I miss him.

I must be crazy since he doesn't interact with me. What is there to miss?

I want to e-mail him again. This time I want to thank him for taking my suggestions about caring about individuals. I feel like it's important for him to know that. Can someone please explain to me why e-mailing him is a bad idea again?