[Lavendera]

I'm just really worried.... It's now two years that I haven't worked due to ptsd, super-anxiety, and what have you. Those symptoms are finally calming down and I feel I can function in society again.... But I am beginning to regret the whole thing. I can't believe it's been TWO YEARS. I feel like I've been asleep or blind.
Will this period of inactivity be like a black mark on my life that I will forever regret?
Anyone else in the same shoes?

[jmo531]

Hi Lavendera Welcome to Psych Central.

Yes I am unemployed by choice, but like you, I am ready to get back to work.

I dont think that you should be hard on yourself about the last two years. You needed that time to deal with you and to get to the point where you are at today. You have worked very hard to get where your at, so please, dont consider it as being "asleep" or "blind". We live and we learn.


Take care of you.

Huggles,

Jen

[Azalysa]

Welcome to PsychCentral, Lavendera! (What a lovely name!)

I've been out of work by choice 2 times in the last 10 years or so; each of them approximately 9 months each. Employers are not permitted to ask for past med. history now due to HIPPA laws.

Each time I left a company due to being in a depressive episode, there was also something else going on as well (ie. while working for Hospice we had 5 immediate family deaths in a short period of time and I needed to "clear my head" before working there again. Having been in grad school, I sometimes use the 'ole "sabbatical" which is also true as I'm usually researching or thinking during that time off.

Whatever works for you. The important thing is YOU, taking care of YOU!

Please feel free to PM me anytime.

[Rhapsody]

YES, I am unemployed by choice (well my mental illnesses choose for me) - and as much as I would love to have a part time job to have something to do several days a week and to keep my mind busy from all the fleeting thoughts.... I always know that it is impossible at this moment, for it would only last a short while and then I would have to flee to the safety of my house and its four walls.

Here is to HOPE - that which leave me hanging on for another DAY.....


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[DocClyde]

Yes, I agree...the main thing is to take care of yourself...

I have been unemployed for roughly about 3/4ths of a year before, and definitely understand the frustration with that. Honestly, now that I am employed full-time, it is almost scary to think what it would be like without it. I guess it is what you get used to. I hope if you want to find a new job, you find one and it is one you like. Above all, I echo everyone else's seniments, to take care of yourself first. You would rather work more healthy and take a little more time off than you would work less healthy and rush it.

Clyde

[Lexicon78]

Even though I get disability, I think I'm able to go back to work...at least for awhile. But I have many fears about going back to work. I haven't worked in a few years...since my mom died actually. I tried working but it only lasted a few months till I couldn't handle working any longer.

[jennie]

I haven't worked for 18 months . . . by choice . . . because of PTSD. I look at it as a time of healing.

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Will this period of inactivity be like a black mark on my life that I will forever regret?

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Only you can decide how you will view your unemployed days. Healing is a process; it doesn't happen overnight. You can't change the past, so why dwell on those 2 years of unemployment? If you want to try getting back into the workforce, consider volunteer work a few hours a week. As for other peoples' opinions about your employment status, it's none of their business. If you look into your State's Vocational Rehabiliation program, you should find help on how to deal with potential employers' attitudes.

[Maven]

I'm on disability, and part of my unemployment is by choice, part by my panic and obsessive compulsive disorders, and part is my lack of transportation. I've decided not to mention my disorders when I do finally go back to work, because I am positive I've been rejected because of them before. I remember one guy directly asking me about my disorders, and how it would affect me workwise. He had a very doubtful tone about me, even though, at the time, I was very willing and able to work; I'd been trying to become independent and was doing well.

That's the funny thing. My mom, when I was in my early 20's and found a med that made it possible for me to have an almost-normal life, didn't want me to work. To this day, she wants me to live with her (she's talked about moving into an apartment together, if she became unable to care for herself, but my OCD could never handle it--I won't go into it here right now, though), and I'm 37. I haven't lived on my own, and I desire it so much.

Anyway, I'm straying off-topic. I was trying to do the right thing, become responsible for myself and independent. I even chose to go to college, even though I did drop out. And still, here I am, all these years later, and my life is screwed up. My dreams out of reach. The times I've talked to employers about possibly working at home, they take one look at my practically-empty resume and toss it. I don't have work experience, I don't have skills, I don't have anything. I am a loser.

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As for other peoples' opinions about your employment status, it's none of their business.

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jennie, in general, I agree with that...but nevertheless, people ask. When I went with my bf to his work holiday party a couple weeks ago, people asked what do I do? I never know how to answer that. They're just trying to make conversation, but I feel ashamed to say I'm on disability or to lie. (I'm not completely lying; I tell them I design websites and/or write...I don't do these things professionally, but I do them for myself--I'm not skilled enough to be a professional web designer, and plan to try to get published when I have a laptop computer my mom's planning on getting me in the future.)

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

I am unemployed by choice, and my experience has been that I have been able to work for a time (sometimes as long as 7yrs) before the illness took me down again. I have usually resigned from jobs rather than go through the 'sick leave' process. It has been a bumpy ride. I also have a whole string of vocational and professional qualifications from different jobs, which I don't make use of. It's laughable.

I would say that we need to evaluate what our abilities are and try to find a lifestyle which will allow us to live on some kind of even keel. If we can't be honest with an employer (which I never have) we have to at least be honest with ourselves. My big downfall has been comparing myself with able people, and trying to compete when I haven't a hope in hell. More than once I have been promoted and then quickly resigned to get out of the stress and responsibility, to avoid the rising anxiety and panic symptoms.

I think we need to know what we are capable of.

Regarding what we say to people, that has always been sticky. I have always had serious hobbies, so I just say I do something along those lines, 'my own boss' kind of thing. Now I'm older I say that I am early retired and that is much easier, although even then people pry.

Often I find myself looking at training courses and stuff, but I know that it won't happen. I've been there and got the teeshirt! Now it's time to face the reality without flinching.

The upside is that my time is my own.

Lavendera, I would say to do what feels best for you. That's all I can suggest.

Cheers, M