[natani_girl]

I feel a little distressed... I had read something yesturday about Co-dependency, and even though it's not a "mental illness", it's definitely something I don't want to be. I remember reading about it and thinking how some of the stuff sounded like me, but to me it was just a "silly thing I found on the internet", and it didn't mean anything. But today, I was doing a paper in my french class where I was required to write a sentence for each word (ex: hockey team, pizza place, movie theater...) and use a superlative to describe which is the best or worst. (ex: the best pizza place is La Nova's.) When the teacher said she was going to do a survey tomorrow on our answers, I immediately got nervous, and when I heard people debating and talking about their favorites or which ones they hated, I freaked out inside. I couldn't stand the arguing, no matter how innocent.

A little while later, I made that connection to what I had read about co-dependency, and realized that I had acted exactly like that. When I thought about it, I noticed that I act VERY co-dependent all the time. This freaked me out though... if someone told me I was co-dependent, I don't know if I could handle that. I can't be told my thinking or logic is impaired. I can't have the only trust I have left, the trust in myself, taken away from me. What will I do if I can't even trust my own judgement?? I don't trust anyone else but my boyfriend, but another way I act co-dependent: I NEED to protect him, even if that means imploding on all my own problems, even if it means leaving him for his own sake (though I don't know if I could handle that, hey, I wouldn't have faith in myself anyway, so at least I would be doing him some good. And he would not have to be the one to abandon ME.) I would have no way to know what to do, no one to take care of me... just nothing. No trust in any decision or opinion. I could not handle that. I'm just really scared.

And another thing: I'm just asking. So if you think I'm wrong, don't beat me up about it. I'm just scared.

[Open Eyes]

Nantini, what I understand about Co-dependancy is when your with someone who has a bad habit, like alcoholism and you live your life according to that other person's habit. Also turning a blind eye to a partners issues, allowing them to continue to abuse themselves in some way, which in turn abuses you as well.

It sounds more like your questioning your self worth and if you are a bother to others.
Also the fact that your sensitive to agruing, many people are disturbed by that kind of behavior. Try not to absorb the ill emotions of others, give yourself permission to let certain things pass instead of feeling you have to sit and absorb it.

Open Eyes

[Feiticeira]

Don't mean to make light of this post but I want to preface this by saying I do some reading and take some psychiatric tests that some times come out saying I'm antisocial or schizotypal, which is a frightening thought. But I don't really see how that can be accurate, I'd put more faith into a psychiatrist's diagnosis than some online test, or self-diagnosis.

Anyway, I know that the last relationship I was in was a codependent one, my ex was an alcoholic and I would make excuses for his behavior all the time. Eventually I got fed up and left him. I mistook the pity I had for his condition into some twisted affection that I thought was love at the time, but in the end I was just trying to control and change him.

I'm not saying your situation is the same, but if you feel like your doing all the work in your relationship to the point where you feel more like a martyr than a girlfriend you might be a codependent. I don't think that means your mentally deficient in any way, though.

I'm not entirely sure why it is you say you can't trust yourself, just because of the assignment in your french class and the fact that you don't like arguing. Even still there is likely something in your life you are willing to fight for.

Once your anxiety eases up a little the answers your looking for will come to you.

[natani_girl]

Alright, after reading this through and calming down, I definitely feel a little better. Open Eyes seems to make a lot of sense in the Self Worth thing, even though at the time I was feeling more scared of everything around me, including me at the time, and I guess I was just panicked, regardless of the assumption I was making in my head. Still, the signs I were concerned with could indicate something else. But I won't get into that, whatever happens will come with time. Sorry about the immaturity, but I'm a big believer in "Time and Place for Everything", and well, this seems like the best time and place. Not for immaturity of course, just the confused panic that could cause immaturity. Thanks again for the advice!