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#1
Feb 12, 2006, 12:59 AM
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I just sent another e-mail to the admin guy.
I'm lonely. I'm sad that I'm blocked. It makes me cry. I'm stressed out. I don't want to do midterms. I don't care if I got to prison anymore. 
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#2
Feb 12, 2006, 01:04 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves said: I just sent another e-mail to the admin guy. I'm lonely. I'm sad that I'm blocked. It makes me cry. I'm stressed out. I don't want to do midterms. I don't care if I got to prison anymore. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is illegal and not allowed on PC if you face prison for something its illegal ya know?
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#3
Feb 12, 2006, 01:06 AM
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I don't know if I face prison sleeps.
I don't know what admin guy thinks of my e-mails to him. He never replies or tells me to stop. I just don't care anymore.
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#4
Feb 12, 2006, 01:08 AM
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I don't threaten admin guy in any way. I think I just annoy him maybe. Or maybe he thinks it's really sad that I'm the way I am.
I just don't know.
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#5
Feb 12, 2006, 01:09 AM
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This is what I wrote to admin guy:
I'm sad I'm blocked. I'm lonely. I want to be good. I'm sorry I was bad. Being blocked makes me sad. I don't want to be blocked anymore. This makes me cry. I don't care if you call the police to arrest me anymore. Maybe prison will be less stressful.
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#6
Feb 12, 2006, 01:09 AM
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Dear Greenleaves,
Please answer ME this.... who from your past never listened to YOU - and what were you never allowed to be heard about? Answer this and the strong inner impulse you are having to be heard by another person may weaken, for it is in the past that your answer to healing is found. ((((((( HUGS ))))))) LoVe, Rhapsody - |
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#7
Feb 12, 2006, 01:10 AM
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First, I am assuming you went through all the conditional ideas to stop you from emailing this poor man. You know, blogging, sending an email to one of the many people who have offered to let you do that, etc. Am I wrong to assume that?
Maybe when you are this upset you need to step away from the computer. Just walk away. Occupy your mind with something else. Hey, for the next 2 weeks there is practically some Olympic event on all day long. Go watch some of that. Exercise. Study. Do something to get you off the computer and away from the temptation. Just because you don't care anymore doesn't make your behavior acceptable or excusable. Take pride in the things you can/do/will accomplish. Stop letting this obsession rule your life. Seize your banning and make the most of it. My husband's current favorite quote is, "just because you deserve to win, doesn't mean the other team is going to give it to you". Fight for the life you want. It's your life. Do something with it.
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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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#8
Feb 12, 2006, 01:11 AM
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I don't know Rhapsody...
There was no one really in my life except my parents and little sister. I don't know why I feel this need to be heard by another person.
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#9
Feb 12, 2006, 01:15 AM
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I did do everything I could to prevent myself from e-mailing him. I blogged about it and I sent one of my e-mails to him to another person. I still couldn't stop myself.
I'm just sad and don't care anymore.
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#10
Feb 12, 2006, 01:20 AM
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Dear Greenleaves,
Think hard.... there is something from your past that is controlling your behavior here in the present.... find IT and your problem will be half way to healing. Example.... I was never listened to or protected enough when I tried to tell people that I was being sexually abused at the age of 5 - so know it is very important to me to have every ones undivided attention when I talk and if they do not give it I become upset and withdrawl.... my inner child was never listened to until it was to late to be heard. ((((((( HUGS ))))))) LoVe, Rhapsody - |
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#11
Feb 12, 2006, 01:20 AM
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Obviously, you do care, or you wouldn't be posting it here.
I'm sorry, I don't believe you did everything you could. I don't. I don't believe you truly want to stop emailing him. Your only desire stems from other people's disapproval. Until you honestly believe what you are doing is wrong, you'll never stop. Only you know, deep down, how you truly feel. From what I have read, Greenleaves, you're smart. I'm sad that you're letting this obsession ruin your life. What a waste. Pour this effort into your studies or into a hobby. I can only imagine the success you would have. Perhaps take up some kind of hobby to keep your hands busy. Knitting. Sewing. Something. My point is, get off the computer and start participating in life. There are so many great and interesting people/life experiences that you are missing by obsessing over this. Give a darn about what your future holds.
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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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#12
Feb 12, 2006, 01:26 AM
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I have no life to live 1dayatatime.
My social life is online. I'm pathetic. I like being obsessed with him. I feel like he's a comfort to me...even though he doesn't talk to me. I don't think my life is ruined by my obsession. I don't e-mail him when I'm not blocked. I just get so lonely and sad when I'm blocked. E-mailing him is my way of coping. It doesn't help that he doesn't tell me to stop. I've done this in the past and he's never done anything about it. I don't know what he's thinking.
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#13
Feb 12, 2006, 01:32 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves said: I have no life to live 1dayatatime. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That is largely by your choice.  Sorry. I can't/won't let myself be drawn into this type of behavior any further. It makes me feel manipulated.Good luck, Greenleaves.
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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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#14
Feb 12, 2006, 01:34 AM
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Hey. Sorry I haven't responded before now. I've been trying to think of what to say... I'm still not sure what to say... But I shall have a go...
I don't think you are going to be sent to prison. My guess would be... That he wouldn't call them unless you started making threats on his life or something like that. Though... Maybe not even then. But it isn't about that - is it? It is more about your being upset. And your talking about harming yourself. My guess would be that... He wouldn't contact crisis services in virtue of that either. Because... Can you imagine the conversation? 'I'm getting emails from this person and she says she is going to harm herself' 'Do you think she would harm herself' 'It is hard to say because she has sent me a lot of emails...' And if you were harming yourself... Someone IRL would call crisis services on you... I'm a bit worried about having said that. But... That is what I think. I also think... That if he gets too fed up... He will simply delete them. Not even open them. Not even pay attention to the header. Just delete them. Because... That is a likely consequence. That he will get fed up with those kinds of emails and just decide it isn't worth the bother of reading them. But... You send nice ones sometimes - right? Sigh. I don't know Deneb. It is like you push as hard as you can with one hand (people will withdraw from you when you make threats etc) But with the other hand... You just want people to be close. It is hard. I also didn't reply because... There was little point. You had already sent it. I said you could send stuff on BEFORE sending it. I would try and help you not send it. But after the fact... It is a little late. So... I ignored it. Read it. But... No point in saying anything really. I don't really know what to say... This stuff... DBT would help. But... We have had this conversation... Aside from that... I really don't know what to say. I don't know what to say about this that might actually help. And... I worry about making the situation worse. I do. It is like 'I don't want to be hospitalised against my will / I don't want to go to jail' with one hand... and 'please send me there because I"m doing everything I can so that you will do that' on the other... That is when people just back off. Because... I don't see what I can do to help. Support... I'm sorry you are hurting. Really. I know blocks can be hard. Really very. And I'm sorry. That being said... If you don't learn to control your posting... They will just recurr. And... Get longer. DBT would help you there... But we have had that discussion... |
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#16
Feb 12, 2006, 01:35 AM
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I have changed the titles of each post in this thread so the content is not so upsetting.
January
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
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#17
Feb 12, 2006, 01:36 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves said: I don't threaten admin guy in any way. I think I just annoy him maybe. Or maybe he thinks it's really sad that I'm the way I am. I just don't know. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> OH OK I am glad you do not threaten him..
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#18
Feb 12, 2006, 01:36 AM
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uh... about your family...
you don't really talk to them about what is going on for you - do you? about how upset you feel sometimes. about how you want a hug sometimes. stuff like that. about how hard school can be at times. stuff like that. how come? maybe because... they aren't very validating? maybe... it has always been like that. from what i do know... it sounds like you supress your emotions around them. your mother especially. you are expected to be fairly cool and calm or something... and so... you don't really express yourself around them. or maybe... it isn't so well received. or something like that? i don't know... |
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#19
Feb 12, 2006, 01:45 AM
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I'm think bad thoughts right now...
I'm sad.
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#20
Feb 12, 2006, 01:45 AM
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I dont know what to say GL. Other than you need help and soon. This is a scarey situation I think. And I am scared for you and the admin guy for how it may turn out. Please seek some help soon ok? Do this for you .
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#21
Feb 12, 2006, 01:46 AM
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You are very young to JUST have a social life online thats very sad at best.....I do know of one person on those boards that had a serious threat of...you know what...and she was reported by him and the cops went out more than once and I think she went to the hospital it helped her a lot and I was glad he reported her cause she got help....maybe I told you this I dont know ....? I forget when it is the same stuff....BUT I bet Alex is right he most likely doesnt even open your emails anymore cause of all you have sent and all
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#22
Feb 12, 2006, 01:50 AM
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Yeah, I know. In one of my e-mails I even write that I wonder if he reads them.
You're probably right, he doesn't open them anymore.
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#23
Feb 12, 2006, 02:07 AM
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I have deleted the last post made due to inappropriate content. I am also locking this thread to stop further contention and stress.
January
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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