[finieas]

I even make a list of my achievements and read it almost everyday. The list is longer then most people's around my age. I haved worked so hard and have achieved tons of things that others may envy of, just to prove to my own self that I'm capable. And yet deep inside me is still this feeling of lack of confidence, especially the irrational doubt that I one day will lose all the things I have achieved, my skills I have gained. It makes me work restlessly and I don't even have a minute of enjoyment

I'm just so afraid of setbacks and failures although I know they are just a normal part of growing up and progressing.

All those thoughts literally toture me when I'm alone, and although I know they are irrational, I cannot get rid of them. They severely reduced my self confidence.

[forever_unbroken]

I think it's great that you are achieving so much. Keep motivating yourself. The one thing that you need to do though, is to stop feeling like you're going to fail. We all have failures and make mistakes, but you learn from them and move on, right? Instead of making a list and trying to prove to yourself that you're capable of these things, just be happy with what you've done, and accomplish more. YOU should be proud that you've accomplished these things, even if you don't think so.

[gma45]

Good for you! That is great! I will recognize your achievements, and you need to too! Some of the greatest inventions came about because of mistakes. Keep up the good work and don't be so hard on yourself. I was afraid of failure too, and now wish I had not been, I could have done so much more with my life if I had not worried about it now I am in my fifties and it is to late! Enjoy and be happy with what you have accomplished you deserve it!

[Mith]

Finieas, Welcome to t he "borderline society". Here in the west and indeed most of the world feels your exact sentiment to some extent. There are a few paths that lead to your situation. Overly critical parents is one sure way. However, parents that weren't there either due to "working so hard to care for the family" or via emotional absence such as drug or alcohol addiction can also lead to expecting more from yourself. It usually starts as a desire to get your primary cargivers attention. Doing more trying to be exceptional. Then after so many years of such a mentality during your formative years, you begin to feel the constant drive as a "comfortable place". Soon, long after you loose the desire to gain their attention and appreciation, you still feel the need to do what you "normally do". Not driving yourself feels like you are "Away from home." Sometimes that can feel like a vacation, other times you just want to be in a comfortable place. So, you work. Sometimes on 3 or 4 different projects at once. This avoids finishing one and having nothing to do.

Stopping requires acknowledging that not over achieving is going to feel uncomfortable at first. The next step is soul searching for who it is you are trying to prove your worthiness to.

[ECHOES]

I feel so sad that you can't enjoy your accomplishments.
It might take some work to discover where this comes from, but I think it would be rewarding for you, and it would be a great life-changing achievement!

[caffeine_nerdiness]

Self doubt and worry is self perpetuating, and the only way to deal with it is to stop the cycle. A few ways to do this include putting your worries on paper so you can examine them objectively, finding stimuli that block out the doubt by redirecting your attention, and working through self affirmation techniques even when they don't seem to have any immediate effect. It takes some time for a new way of thinking to really take hold within the brain. The old ways of thinking ("I'm going to run out of success at some point" or "I'll slip up and ruin things next time even if things went well this time") are extremely entrenched. It's sort of an "you are what you think" thing... and it's also a perception thing. The brain has to be retrained, in other words.

[Brokenwings73]

Originally Posted by finieas

I even make a list of my achievements and read it almost everyday. The list is longer then most people's around my age. I haved worked so hard and have achieved tons of things that others may envy of, just to prove to my own self that I'm capable. And yet deep inside me is still this feeling of lack of confidence, especially the irrational doubt that I one day will lose all the things I have achieved, my skills I have gained. It makes me work restlessly and I don't even have a minute of enjoyment

I'm just so afraid of setbacks and failures although I know they are just a normal part of growing up and progressing.

All those thoughts literally toture me when I'm alone, and although I know they are irrational, I cannot get rid of them. They severely reduced my self confidence.

I can very much relate where you are speaking from! I'm a workaholic and very competitive to be ranked in the top 5 out of over 400 people every month. All of your statistics have to br 99% or above and sale put you way over. I am a perfectionist to the extreme. I wrote a book, but all of that still seems menial. I call my issues low man on the totem pole syndrome. I feel that everyone else comes first and I'm sub terranian. I do and give but it's nothing compared to the achievements of others. As you said they are irrational but I can't get them out if my mindset. I was brought up to never quit, fight your own battles and to be a high achiever so I don't know how to slow these thoughts down or pull myself out of the dirt and validate myself. Your not alone! You can vent to me! I'll add. You as a friend. peace