Fear of failure vs fear of success

I'd love to get your feedback on this.

I seem to have a morbid fear of failure, but have heard this can mask a fear of success, since we learn by failures and then succeed as we learn. I must admit I often get the feeling, as I begin to succeed at challenging but personally meaningful things, like I am climbing a huge fireman's ladder and suddenly "look down at my feet". Then it's all over; I sink into all sorts of anxious and pessimistic moods and progress grinds to a halt. The pattern is definitely there, I don't usually think about it much.

So what do you think about fear of failure vs fear of success? Maybe my self-concept has some ragged edges that don't encompass "success" as I would define it deep down, I just don't know.

I feel like a failure 99.9 percent of the time, even when I have succeeded by the measures of whatever it is. For me it is not fearing success so much as not feeling success.

I've succeded at stuff before. Other get jealous and vindictive, it wasn't worth it for me. I failed at maintaining my health for a long time. I had to deal with enormous disappointment from myself and, seemingly, others. It hurt. I'm sick and everyone was disappointed I wasn't financially successful on top of it. I am a successful guitarist because my wife enjoys my performences. I am happy with my success. The world doesn't owe me anything. It has given plenty, I appreciate all of it.

I like when Winston Churchill said:
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

As you mentioned, there is a lot to be learned from "failures" so that in an of themselves make them not really failing. I admire this everyday in others as the have the courage to do what they must to pick themselves up when they have fallen and to take care of themselves. In that respect, I do not fear failure as much as I continue to learn how to pick up and move forward from "failures" as well; and believe me there have been some doozies.

Success I have mixed reservations about as there is more fear of this in not knowing how to accept and handle it, especially with the response from those around. It can be unsettling as mentioned above. Plus there are always new things to strive for and the success is not permanent. So trying to take into account any blessings when they occur and then move forward from there as well. No matter the outcome, fears either way, I just keep trying and hoping I have the courage to do so.

Onward, I relate to your post A LOT. My whole life I have always replied "failure" when asked what my biggest fear is. I have succeeded on many things in my life but have reached a point where my mental health is keeping me from reaching the full success that I always dreamed of, and really do deserve at this point.
I worked my *** off my entire life to become a veterinarian. I did it and I did it well, thank you very much , but at the end of the journey things started to go downhill. There have been obstacles and things to overcome in general, and I have handled many of them. But there are many that I haven't handled and I don't think I can. If I can I'm not sure that I ever will.
I don't know how to explain it. I have the means to do what I always wanted... sort of. Like I said there are obstacles and although I have done well in the past, I just don't think I can overcome these.
I ask myself do I want it bad enough, and I don't think I want it enough to deal with the consequences and obstacles.

So am I really afraid of failure? Because it seems that what I am doing now is failing. Or am I afraid of the consequences that come with success? I am still a veterinarian. I succeeded at that and no one can take that away. But I am not performing as a practicing veterinarian and I seem to be accepting that due to fear of what that success means. I am constantly terrified of making a mistake and an animal dying bc I was incorrect or simply not good enough. I am an Avoidant also and it seems to fit that I have found another way to work within my profession while avoiding doing the things that would make me "completely sucessful". Now I work with the government because it is nice and safe. But I will never be that person that saved your pet's life like I have always wanted to be.

I find your question intriguing...

Doc

This is my pattern also - as soon as I "notice" it, whatever "it" is - developing a good habit for so many days, whatever! - that's it, the streak is OVER. I HATE when I notice, because I know that's the beginning of the end. I realize this is "magical thinking". I overcame a previous belief in magical thinking, that everytime something good happened, I would have to "pay" for it big time - you can see how that could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. This probably is too - for me it was uncovering the fear and anger and hatred (not all mine!) behind the first set of thoughts. Thanks for bringing this up; I like your imagery of being on the ladder then looking down at your feet! That'll doom ya!

Something tells me I don't deserve it every time success starts to come my way. Why I ask....because of old messages in my mind that I am not good enough. I can't seem to shake them. Good question!

Hi On2,

I can definitely relate to your proposition of fear of failure vs. fear of success.

Sometimes (and really I'm referring to my younger days when I was susceptible to psychological persuasions), fear of failure propelled me on to success. I was afraid in high school that I would fail and end up living at home the rest of my life. I feared that so much I even made an effort to secure my waitress job in the event that I did fail. I did the same thing with band. I was afraid I'd fail so when I got accepted into the honor band and the two American bands that traveled overseas I studied my butt off so I wouldn't fail.

*********TRIGGER***********TRIGGER*************TRIGGER************

That all stopped the night I was raped. All of a sudden I realized my success had led to tragedy. I was raped (in part) because I was a manager and had the duty to make sure each employee made it safely home. Somebody took advantage of that and I have never been the same since. Truth is, if I wasn't a manager and did not have that responsibility I would not have been raped...at least at that time.

********TRIGGER OVER********TRIGGER OVER************TRIGGER OVER******

Sometimes now, when I start to succeed I get afraid that it will lead to something negative, or that I will not be able to cope. Really, what it boils down to, is that I am afraid to be uncomfortable. Success makes me feel uncomfortable. Growth makes me feel uncomfortable. When I was in my eating disorder state of mind, fullness made me feel uncomfortable. I had to learn in recovery that when I said "I am feeling fat" it really meant that I was feeling uncomfortable. I've had to learn that it is okay to feel uncomfortable.

I believe a great book for you to read would be "Constructive Living" by David K Reynolds. If you can't find it I can mail you my copy to read. The book talks about how you have to do what needs to be done despite how you feel. So even though I feel too depressed to do the dishes and want to wait until I feel motivated to do them, I need to do them anyway, and the positive feelings I am seeking will follow.

I hope that babble makes sense. Hopefully, I'll see you in chat tonight.

Q

Personally I think they are one in the same. When we fear success, we fear that that success will only lead to failure. That we will accomplish the goals and dreams we have only to lose them upon succeeding. It's harder to have had happiness and to lose it then it is to live never knowing it. You never know what you are missing until it's gone. I think that is why we fear success.

Failure and success go hand in hand. You have to succeed and earn something before you can fail and lose it. If you're afraid of failing, then you're also afraid of success. And if you're afraid of success, you're afraid of failing. I have no idea if that even makes sense, but it seems like it in my head.

So I guess the only advice I have to give is that you have to take the good with the bad. Yes, there is always the chance that you will fail, and there's always a chance that you will succeed, only to lose again and never really feel the happiness of that success. But it's better to take the chance than to live never knowing how things could have turned out.

Hang in there. I sometimes get the unravelling, but mine is a bit different. Sometimes having a REALLY HUGE goal can help, as it is so inspirational that it can push you through. Think of different tangents. How you would feel, what it could mean. Just an idea! All the best!

i've gone thru alot of failures but i've learned to take them as good signs

Hi,

Sorry I am not joining in until now, but I just found your post. Yes, you may be having fear of failure. According to David Friedman, in his book The Thought Exchange, we must feel comfortable with the sensations that are associated with what we want to manifest. Often, the exhilaration accompanying success is associated with past traumatic sensations. So, then, why would we want to be successful if it doesn't feel good? There may lie the answer.

Hope this helps.