rude behavior

Friends,

As LMo said earlier in this thread, if someone gets out of hand please save the chat and send a copy of it to a mod or admin. Also, put that person on ignore so he/she doesn't trigger you more.

Members are free to make their own chat rooms if they want to discuss something that is out of character with the rest of the chat. Of course, please follow the chat rules at all times. We are here to support each other.

January

ONE thread, Rebound... and you're judging the WHOLE board? I'm sorry you feel that way. Unpleasentness has to be talked out, you know, or how is anything going to change?

And how was your post supportive??

I'm having trouble with the "clickish" comment, probably because I've been accused of being a part of one and that is SO NOT TRUE!

IMO, you just have to get in there and start talking, at least to just one person and first. You'd be surprised how quickly others start responding to you... Or at least, that's the way it USED to be.

Honestly, though, in the past, if you didn't speak up much, people would tend to forget you're there.

{{{Bebop}}} I've never known you to be uncaring! Never, Ever!

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Sheesh. Same ol' same ol'. It didn't take long to be reminded of why I stopped coming here. Well, nice seeing you all again, I guess.

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I bet that I can guess and it probably has something to do with the clique's

I had never before ever been in any chat on the computer before here & it took about 6 months to even go in to see what it was like. I found it very difficult to get used to is cause everything was going by so fast. Initially I kind of just chatted with one just to get used to the feeling of chat at all. I still find it somewhat difficult to try to be involved in all the chats when there are many people......& when I get overwhelmed, I sit back & just watch for awhile. Sometimes I really enjoy just being silly to my level of silly....which is different for each person too. I have found that when I go in, it takes awhile to attach to any chat that is going on anyway. I have also missed some people coming in & apologize for that. Sometimes I am not focused enough to see the dim colour of the entrance name also especially when I am trying to make sense out of a chat I am in. I did find that the chat was the most difficult part of this forum.

Sorry for when I have missed recognizing people coming in,
Debbie

I have used the chat room extensively since coming to PC and have yet to be mistreated...or ignored usually because I jump right in without too much hesitation...My sense of humour is the way I deal with situations of stress and or pain...I can honestly say that I have been helped out of some pretty tight squeezes by people in the chatroom...I too apologize if I've ignored or seem to be rude or crude to anyone...

I didn't mean to get anything started but maybe it did some good after all. But still my main concern was a new person came in and maybe 2 or 3 even bothered to say hello and when the comments came in the person left and I have not even seen a post by that person.

Tomi thanks hon. I never thought I was uncaring here or anywhere but you saying it just makes me know for sure I am caring. luv ya hon

Clique according to Webster:

a narrow EXCLUSIVE circle or group of persons ; especially : one held together by common interests (popularity, as in high school), views, or purposes (as in, to exclude non-popular people)

I've never seen a "clique" here except MAYBE that group I walked in on the other day.

Clique according to Wikipedia:

A clique ('klik) is an informal and RESTRICTED social group formed by a number of people who share common interests - formal social groups are referred to as societies or organizations. Cliques are most notably found amongst groups of TEENAGERS, primarily in high schools and colleges, but also in other similar environments. In a general manner, cliques are more prominent amongst females.

Cliques at times have complex structures, and characteristics tend to differ between one another. However, one characteristic which is common to all cliques is the EXISTSTENCE OF A DEFINED POWER STRUCTURE, GENERALLY COMPRISE OF A LEADER (or a few leaders), FOLLOWERS AND PARIAHS. Thus, it is inaccurate to describe all social groups of teenagers as cliques, as often said groups do not have any particular power structure.

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When I first take paxil it makes me high...

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Being high doesn't make you RUDE.

I quit going into the chat rooms because I'm not much for group talk. I like the one-on-one stuff. A few times I went it and was rarely spoken to. It hurt, but I'm not the type of person who stands out in a crowd or anywhere else.

Chat can be a good thing. The social support -support- is really healthy.

For those who haven't dared, or have had less than good experience in the chat room, please don't give up on it.

Maybe you can find another member online and PM and then go into a chat room of your own (ask a mod or one of us "oldtimers" to help you do that, if you like they can set it up for you)

and then it can be just you two chatting... plus, if someone else comes in, the room is "yours" so you can control it a bit more (rather than the general use of the social chat room.)

What do you think about that?

I think this is why there aren't to many people using the chat room, If as members find anything wrong in the chat room we should copy it and send it to montors or admin. We can help them find the ones who are doing it and let them deal with them. If I'm not comterable with something I'll leave the chat or I pm and make my own room, Why should we let someone spoil the support we all need let us come together and give them a warning if they don't stop we then go to a montor or admin with it. What do you all think?

You brought up a good point. Usually when a person is new to a site, party, or whatever, he or she is usually shy and wait to see what's going on and see how the rest of the people treat him or her.

As for speaking up? I don't know any newbies who talk about their problems quickly after meeting people they've never spoken to before.

From your description of what were the subjects during chat, I can understand how the newbie would want to leave.

You certainly understand, and that's a very good thing. Thank you for speaking up. It's something that everyone should think about, especially what it's like to be new.

bebop i think you are refering to me in chat i'm terribly sorry if i hurt your feeling sometimes i go in chat after i take my meds just to relax because my meds do make me alittle hyper but i'm sorry if it hurt you i do apologize i do enjoy taliking to all you guys in chat and please forgive me if i act childish at times it just my way of reliveing stress and pain i will deff try to not upset others anymore sorry

steph

Chat is like real life. We can't control the actions of those around us (unless they're small children or something). If we don't like the conversation, we can move out of earshot and not participate.

Chat can get silly, and even goofy. What is considered rude to some, isn't to others. There are different ages, etc. It happens.

Having said that, we all have really good tools to make the most of our chat experience. I remember once I was there with a couple of FUN ladies, and we had a blast. If someone would've come in, well, it could've been interesting. As in real life, convos can evolve, twist and turn.

As long as someone isn't being abusive, chat really can be an almost anything goes kinda thing. Sometimes chat is moving so fast that members aren't seen as wandering in. Sometimes they are, but people are busy typing and by the time they're finished, they've forgotten, etc. Some are shy or feeling vulnerable. What one considers rude, another does not. What one considers important, another might not.

I know chat can be difficult sometimes, and that's when we can IM someone and go to a different room or something. We have the tools to ignore those that might carry on convos that aren't within our particular tastes.

Having the wide variety of personalities that like to chat, it can be interesting at times.

Please use the tools that are available to you if you're having a problem. If someone is being abusive, notify a mod or admin and save the transcript. You can also PM a mod or admin to come in immediately, ignore the member, change rooms, etc.

Other than that, chat can be, and usally is its own world. We all have the great capability of making chat what we need for the most part...many rooms, tools for ignore, IM, the works.

If a new member wanders in and we're worried about the conversation or something, we can always welcome them and ask them if they'd like to change rooms if they have something they need to talk about. There are just so many options.

There should be a common curtesy. However, with the different ages and issues, even that might not be agreed upon. That's when you can use some of the great tools literally at your fingertips.

KD

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SeptemberMorn said:
I'm having trouble with the "clickish" comment, probably because I've been accused of being a part of one and that is SO NOT TRUE!

IMO, you just have to get in there and start talking, at least to just one person and first. You'd be surprised how quickly others start responding to you... Or at least, that's the way it USED to be.

Honestly, though, in the past, if you didn't speak up much, people would tend to forget you're there.

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My comment about cliques was not directed to you as I have no memory of being in chat with you. However,
Personally, I think chat rooms should be approached like your own room in your house. If someone new comes in, you don't continue talking to your friends just because you know them. There is an element of hospitality that should be given... not that its all on one person. Of course, one has to talk to be known. But honestly.. quite often ive tried to talk many time and been ignored due to not being an important member. Its just about kindness...even if it requires a bit more of you -- anonymity should not mask rudeness.

Alas, it wasn't intended to be supportive. It was intended as an indictment of the behaviour of certain members here that has in no way changed since last I visited regularly. I should have made it clear that this post was not based solely on this thread. I read several other threads before replying to this one and found, to my everlasting dispair, that nothing has changed.

As for cliques, they certainly exist here as much as they are certain to exist in any large group that is subdivided as with the various forums on this site. This isn't always a bad thing, but it certainly can be. My post, however, was not referring to that either.

All I have to do is read and I can see that self-righteousness and deliberate thin-skinned reactions continue to dominate here. It's too bad, really, because for the most part, this is a wonderful place with many wonderful members. I don't think it's wise to post examples, but I assure you I can backup what I assert if neccessary.

I was sure that after all this time, upon returning I would see Psych Central in a different light than that which prompted my absence. It turns out I was wrong. My reasons for coming back currently outweigh my dismay but I don't know for how much longer.

Don't worry if you disagree with me. You're entitled to your opinion and I have no intention of getting into an argument with anyone over this. I was mainly hoping to open some eyes but as has long been the case, those who have eyes to see have no need and the rest are without.

Does anyone else see that in some ways this topic as it has been is rude in and of itself..If I were at a party and saw something lets say to me as rude I would take it up with the persons involved or the host not make them feel like bad by posting it and going on and on and on about it,.I don't do chat but I feel sorry for the two people who were joking around..the new person may not have stayed for OTHER reasons

I also think Rebound has some valid points

I personally think that Rebound has a very valid point. And if anyone wants to disagree then let us know what you think. I think that Rebound has gone through exactly what I am going through now. The newbie isn't accepted with the oldtimers(even if the oldtimer is 16 years old) ......rediculous in my book. Come back Rebound....

Hey guys,

I was reminded of something as I read this thread. There was mention of people coming into chat under the influence and causing problems. I'm reminded that at the end of my drinking days, I was getting drunk at home and justifying drinking alone by getting in chat. There were several times that I would be trying to "outdrink" other people in chat, and I know my behavior couldn't have been good. In fact, a member told me later in IM some of things I had said that I didn't remember saying. I had forgotten this until this thread. So, I would like to make an amends to anyone I may have offended or affected by my behavior when I was an active drunk. If there is anything I said that is still bothering anyone, please let me know in PM. I'd like to make right any wrongs I may have caused in chat during my active drinking career. I sincerely apologize for my behavior a year ago. I know to some it may sound crazy that I'm bringing it up, since I am no longer that person, but when I read this thread, I got that nasty feeling in my stomach and knew I was guilty of some of the things mentioned here. So...please accept my apology if it pertains to you. =) I love you guys, and this chat kept me safely at home in the throws of my drunkeness on several occasions. There was even a time when I transfered my yahoo to my phone because I was going out, and a member in chat was concerned because there was a storm and asked me to send her a message when I'd arrived safely at my destination. We may not always get along on the boards, but it really is a family here. Families don't always get along, but they still love each other.

~Rayna

Kimmydawn, this post makes the most sense to me. Thanks for writing it.

Sujin

Geez, just be nice to each other and accept each others faults as no one is perfect here. If you feel violated by someone in a subtle manner, tell them so that way you can clear it up. How grade school can we get? Golden rule, kiddies! It's that easy!

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Personally, I think chat rooms should be approached like your own room in your house. If someone new comes in, you don't continue talking to your friends just because you know them. There is an element of hospitality that should be given... not that its all on one person. Of course, one has to talk to be known.

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This is PRECISELY what I'm talking about! I'm sorry that you have been treated that way. Please forgive me if I have ever been the offender at any time.

We would hope that in a place like this that is supposed to be "supportive" that all of us would be sensitive to the needs of others. There is no one member more important than another. We all have needs and issues.

One point I might make. The people that I encountered in the ONE chat that WAS THE ORIGINAL SUBJECT have not posted to this thread! Interesting, don't you think?

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bebop said:
I tell you what! I was just in chat and a newbie was there. rude comments being made and newbie left. what is this place coming to? geesh the comments made were about bad breath and boogers...how adult is that?

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I hardly visit the chat room anymore because of similar issue.

I'm tired of visiting the room and seeing the same two kids threatening to SI themselves at each other. It's quite childish.. It's not only me that sees this either. I've had couple of other people Pming me and complaining about the same 2 kids.