Really in trouble

I think I self-stimulated a crisis inside by writing words that are even hard to say and I am scared. I am so scared I feel like The wind will blow me away. I am focused here and now and yet I need other contact. Called a friend and she was not at home. YIKES! I hate this place. a lot going on in my brain and a lot to do. Life ain't easy.

Hold on, friend. I'm reaching out to you. Wish we were closer. If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard. (That's the title of a book, which I haven't read, but it's stuck in my head right now).

Luv Ya,
Rap

Wisewoman -

I'm sorry things are hard for you right now.

Life can just pile up on you, when you least expect it.

You've got lots of friends on PC too.

Hugs,

EJ

I can relate. I've got too much crap in my mind too. I hope you find someone to connect with. We're here for you if you need us.

(((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))

thanks wifighter

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. Just hang in there.

You are in my thoughts.

((((((((((((( Wise )))))))))))))))

I'm here for you. We all are.

Hugs,

Jan

writing words that are even hard to say

Sweetie-- try writing some lighter words that might help off set those that are so hard.

Or take those hard words you wrote and light a match to them. Show them who's the boss.

Petunia

((((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you feel in an unsafe, scary place.

I hope this passes more quickly than it came.

kd

You all are so kind. I guess I am surprised to find myself reacting like this. I think the world is a bit upside down right now. Thanks for understanding.

I tried to email an old co-worker and in the email I said how I really felt about a few things. We had just spoken on the phone but I couldn't tell her what my heart was feeling. Now it is as though the whole thing is happening again.

Wisewoman I do not think I know what is going on but whatever it is..please know I am here for you..I am sorry you feel this bad..

The trouble is nightmares about work. I dream and scream and talk in my sleep about work and unsettled things, made up things, accusations, being in trouble, being at risk, vulnerable. I left my job in such a way as to allow for no communication because at that point that is what I needed. I have mixed feelings like they broke the law in not giving me appropriate accomodations and that they used me up and threw me away. I can't stand the nightmares anymore. My husband tells me I have whole conversations. I dream that I forgot to check voice mail and I dream I am getting questioned. The thing is I loved my job, was dedicated and was easily manipulated. It was also easy to blame everything on me. That happened a lot in the last year.

I would never treat a soul the way I was treated. But this was such a chunk of my life. I have stuffed all of the correspondance away in a bag, I can't read it. Much of it I know is illegal but I also know that they never meant to screw me. There is a mission and that job was a very hard one.

I also called my T tonight and she was unavailable. That's normal but lead me to feeling more anxious/upset/ desperate.

So that's it in a nut shell. I am a big nut, hard to crack, Brazilion I think.

With so much going on, of course you must be feeling so overwhelmed.

I hope it eases up for you soon!

I hear you pretty clearly. Sometimes, when I can't get my mind to stop reeling like the deck of a ship in a typhoon, I need to shut out as much light as possible in a room and crank some music really loudly to drown out my own thoughts. Somehow, by it being dark and by not being able to hear anything but the music, there is a calming effect from dampening the input from the tempest. It's just a suggestion, of course. I believe you have been coping with more for longer than I can imagine, but since it helps me, I thought I'd toss it out there for ya and see if it does any good.

Take care and good luck, o' wise one.

Hi, thanks Rebound and Sabrina. I managed to get back in bed at 3:00 and think maybe I can do something physically exhausting today and I will feel better. Yes, too much going on. I am really feeling the need to get out and play!!!!!!!!!!!1

Still having a pretty tough time. New stuff to mix with the old, family crap, son crap, money crap. Meds cost a fortune. I am a whiner today. Whine whine, where is the wine? oh boy, who is sleep deprived?

wisewoman,

Sounds like they treated you really badly. I am really sorry.

You said, " I am really feeling the need to get out and play!!!!!!!!!..."

Sounds like a great idea to me! Go for it!

Wisewoman..I am so sorry you are in such dire straits. Sometimes it seems we can't stand life just one more second..then as the seconds tick by we realize that we are all in the same ship.Take good care.

Hi, still here and not having a lot of fun. But I will survive as each moment passes.