Back in Town!

Hey guys. I didn't know where to put this, so I'm putting this here because it's about a lot of things.

First things first, I wanted to say sorry I've been compleatly MIA and havent talked to anyone for over a month. But I'm here now, and hopefully will be back sooner rather than later.

Second is a bit more complecated as it's about all of the emotions swirling in my head right now. I could probobly make 5 posts or more about it but I'm going to try and stick to just the one.

I'm in inpatient. I've been on the waitinglist, and it took an extra month to get here, but I'm here now and I'm going to be here for the next four weeks. I'm also scared s***less. I've already made friends despite today being almost entirely paperwork, so I'm not scared about that. I'm scared I'm not suppose to be here. I'm scared that secretly I'm faking everything. I'm scared I'm not going to get anything out of this because it's been so long since the bulk of my breakdown. For those that don't know, I have BP2 and anxiety (social phobia and agoraphobia) but my anxiety just suddenly dissappeared litterally overnight and I'm on a 'stable' section of my bipolar so I feel almost normal despite having changed nothing.

Anyway, I really needed to let all of that out because although I've made friends I don't feel safe enought to just let everything out here yet.

My confidence level is pretty good though!

Lastly: after months of not talking, my ex (it was an affair) and once best friend texted me saying how much he misses me and how he feels numb without me... And now I feel sick because I realised he was the only person I ever really opend up to and felt truely safe with, and I just finished telling someone to stay strong and stay away from unhealthy relationships. =__= Karma... why do you test me.

Okay, well I'll keep you guys updated and try and check in tomorrow or the next day. (hugs to everyone, old and new) I miss it here.

-Switch.

ps. sorry, no spell check.

Hey Switch... got your PM but wanted to say hi publicly too. Yes you're missed

(((Switch)))

I haven't seen you in a long time!

It's great to hear that you felt confident in your decision to go inpatient for help.

"I'm scared I'm not suppose to be here. I'm scared that secretly I'm faking everything. I'm scared I'm not going to get anything out of this because it's been so long since the bulk of my breakdown."

I think that it isn't uncommon to go through times when we kind of feel comfortable in a psych ward ~ I've had that emotion a couple of times in my last hospitalization. (I can't recall whether or not I had it in previous times.) That comfort didn't mean that I didn't belong in the hospital, I think that it feels a little safe right now. Talking with a couple of the other patients was very relieving to me. We could relate to one another, and it helped me feel a lot better in that moment. It didn't mean that I could communicate with anyone without a problem, I learned that very quickly! And the highly stressful experiences reassured me that I was in the long-term patient care for a good reason. I needed to build some skills to help me make it through my tough times, to decrease my need for future hospitalizations.

Does that make sense to you? Try not to worry that you're wrong to be in the hospital now. If it IS wrong, you'll go home sooner. So, you've got nothing to lose.

Regarding the relationship with your ex-bf/best friend, it's tough to say what your true feelings are. I think that you need to be in a more clear state of mind to make decisions about how you really feel towards him. Perhaps you miss his friendship, him being there to listen to you & not necessarily feel romantic attraction. I don't know. It can't hurt to keep that break-up clear at least until after you get out of the hospital.

Best wishes to you! I hope that everything continues to work well for you in the hospital.

Glad to see your post! You have been missed for sure. Just try to get the most out of your hospital stay. I hope all goes well. take care.

Day one down and already I'm going with everything that's going on. It's so different from my secluded and controlled apartment life. For one, there's people... and homework... and events where you have to be social... It's a little overwhelming but it's helpful at the same time.

Thank you guys all so much for the hugs and support, even though I've been gone a while. It 's so nice to know that I've been missed. It makes me feel a lot better about coming back, if that makes any sence at all.

This makes total sence Shez. Already I've been talking to people around here, and I've even become pretty good friends with a few of them. Plus, it always helps me to have conversations with people, even if I'm not talking about myself because it just helps to clear my head.

I get what you're saying about a safe environment. Maybe that's it. One of the other women here mentioned having a similar reaction. I think that's it, although I'm also starting to see my old anxiety creep up. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and then I got really anxiouse after one of the groups today.

I was thinking along the same lines here. I figure my mind is too messed up with other stuff to get a clear picture of anything else right now, so I was just going to let that one sit. Reply if he texts but don't comit to anything kind of thing.

I know I miss him as a confidant though, and that's something that came into sharp folkus when I first got here. I miss having someone I could tell litterally everything to. But maybe I don't need that as much as I think I do. Hopefully I don't.

to all, and thanks again everyone for your support.

-Switch
ps, still no spell check, sorry.