[Ann923]

Hi, My 35 yr old son is bipolar. My husband and I are 70 yrs old and take him to all his appt's with his psychiatrist and counselor. He has been doing quite well except for his anger towards us. He screams at us when we say something he doesn't like. There has been no physical abuse but he frightens me. We walk on eggshells. He doesn't live with us, but we pay for his apartment, utilities, etc. We love him but hate his rampages.
Last week I left his counselor a voice message telling her of his anger and asked her to help with the issue. My husband told me that doing that was a mistake. Will his therapst tell my son about my voice message? If she does, now I'm really afraid of what he will do. Is she obliged to tell him about it?

[Leed]

She SHOULDN'T tell him, but how else will she know about his rages? He will know that you told her about it. So unfortunately you're "doomed." LOL

I don't blame you for being afraid, but I think it was a good move for you to tell the therapist. She needs to know how far this has gone. She needs to get him to acknowledge that he abuses you and your husband, and then work on that. How soon she can get any results is beyond me. Perhaps she can get him inpatient for more intense therapy. It sounds to me like that is REALLY what he needs -- to go into the hospital for awhile until he can get these rages under control.

I'm certainly glad he doesn't live with you. I know you don't want to walk on egg shells, as that's a horrible way to live. I had to live like that with my ex-husband for 26 years -- no fun. I just hope he takes his meds like he's supposed to. Keep us posted, will you please?? I'd REALLY like to know how YOU and your HUSBAND are doing and that you're SAFE. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

If you are living in fear of your son, and you are supporting him financially, while he is a 35 year old man, cut him off. Sounds like a good thing to do. Then just pray for him. He'll come around. My brother was like this. He appreciated tough love in the long run. So do I. Sounds like the wake up call people need to evaluate things that are out of balance.

[Ann923]

Thanks for your suggestions. Our son hasn't been hospitalized in over 2 yrs and that's a great accomplishment. That's why I said he's doing well. I assume that he's taking his meds as prescribed plus his therapist has really helped. Now if he could control his anger we'd really be happy.

[jelly-bean]

You did the right thing telling the therapist about your son's rage. The therapist can't help if he/she doesn't know about that issue. You must be very careful around your son until there is some noticeable difference in his attitude. You might also want to call Adult Protective Services in your area and see what you can do in case of an emergency. Good Luck and God Bless! Please keep us posted so we know you are safe.

[here today]

I don’t see that the therapist is obliged to tell him about your message. Seems like it could just be a little clue, maybe help her help your son. So it may not have any impact one way or another on your son’s rampages right away, but may eventually help him get better?

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Ann923

Hi, My 35 yr old son is bipolar. My husband and I are 70 yrs old and take him to all his appt's with his psychiatrist and counselor. He has been doing quite well except for his anger towards us. He screams at us when we say something he doesn't like. There has been no physical abuse but he frightens me. We walk on eggshells. He doesn't live with us, but we pay for his apartment, utilities, etc. We love him but hate his rampages.
Last week I left his counselor a voice message telling her of his anger and asked her to help with the issue. My husband told me that doing that was a mistake. Will his therapst tell my son about my voice message? If she does, now I'm really afraid of what he will do. Is she obliged to tell him about it?

A therapists job is to "help" a patient. If this therapist is any "good" she/he wont just "tattle tale on you" she/he will take that message and possibly ask your son if he "gets angry" at his parents. Or the therapist could recognize your son still needs to develope better skills in controlling his "anger".

Open Eyes

Hi Ann923 - i don't see why the therapist would be obliged to tell your son what you told her, if anything she will hopefully use the information in a tactful way to get to the heart of your sons issues. If you are still concerned perhaps call her? Also how are you and your husband coping with this situation? Do you feel you would benefit from a support group that could advice you on what to do and help you connect with other families who are going through the same thing? All the best.

[plumapplepear]

Being bi-polar myself I feel it is very important that you set boundaries with your son and not walk on eggshells. That is the last thing either of you need I never wanted to get by with outrageous behaviour nor do I want anyone not to be able to confront me and tell me that I am out of line. Maybe you need time and distance and he can learn to appreciate what a blessing he has in a loving and kind family. He has been blessed in this world and should treat you with respect.

[IceCreamKid]

You did the right thing telling your son's therapist. I think you should ask for an appointment with your son's therapist without your son along, to discuss how you are going to handle your aging with your son's need for continued care. At your age you should be relaxing and not still raising a child. You could find some way to put the funds your son needs in trust, but your son should be either independent -- that is to say, getting himself back and forth to the doctor, etc., or you should be making plans for when you and your husband are too ill, aged or infirm to take care of your son like a little boy. If this means a group home for your son, then there is no better time to figure that out than now, while you are still of sound mind. If he is capable of physically taking care of himself, then he should start now. I had a sibling who held my parents hostage with his illness, and you'll just have to take my word for it, because I don't want to discuss the details, but neither he nor they were better off for all the bending over backwards they did for him. I am sympathetic to your situation.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Ann923

Hi, My 35 yr old son is bipolar. My husband and I are 70 yrs old and take him to all his appt's with his psychiatrist and counselor. He has been doing quite well except for his anger towards us. He screams at us when we say something he doesn't like. There has been no physical abuse but he frightens me. We walk on eggshells. He doesn't live with us, but we pay for his apartment, utilities, etc. We love him but hate his rampages.
Last week I left his counselor a voice message telling her of his anger and asked her to help with the issue. My husband told me that doing that was a mistake. Will his therapst tell my son about my voice message? If she does, now I'm really afraid of what he will do. Is she obliged to tell him about it?

if this was the crisis center and hospital where I work (New York, United States of America, yes we would be required to tell the clients when their relatives/friends have called and what was discussed. Plus we have to totally disregard what ever family and friends tell us about our clients unless the client has signed a release form giving us permission to include that family member or friend in our clients therapy process.

we cant even acknowledge we are seeing the client even if the relative or family member already knows they come to us and we cant discuss the client with their friends and relatives because of privacy laws.

as a person receiving mental health services I have had other family members and friends that knew I was in therapy contact my treatment providers. Some were being very manipulative trying to get the therapist to address issues that I refused to deal with, with that family member/friend. other times it was out of concern for me, and other times it was because the family member/friend thought they could go behind my back canceling my appointments or making up issues I didnt really have just to get the therapist to drop me as a client, think I was more crazy than I was and other issues..

so I was very glad to find out that NY state and NY State mental health agencies are required to follow the privacy laws that protect those in mental health treatment from such actions, and inform the clients someone has called in about them.

As a crisis therapist dealing with domestic violence and abuse issues Im glad we have to follow these privacy laws protecting our clients... I cant tell you how many times an abusive boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, other relative or friend has tried to influence, manipulate and try to retain control over their victims by making calls to us.

By informing our clients that we have received a phone call and from who that client can be prepared, protect their self, and not be manipulated by family and friends. they can also see they can trust that we have their backs.

we are on the clients side helping the client to get through abuse, mental illness...we are not treating the clients abuser, parent or friend that calls in so we have no obligation of privacy laws to hold in confidentiality, what ever they tell us about our clients, we only have to protect confidentiality of our clients.