[Maricela]

Hello!

I do not know exactly does my "state of mind" need any more attention or is everything actually normal. Let me describe you my situation a bit.

For some years (like 4-5) I have had quite severe mood changes. They are very rapid and usually one mood lasts for a day max. If I am happy, I consider myself "normal" - i organise things, I am full of hope, I believe in myself and everything seems really good. Then, VERY suddenly (within minutes) my mood changes. It is usually triggered by a random thing - someone said something which i misunderstood, I rememembered something bad, etc. When this "depressive mood" triggers, all I feel is emptiness and hopelessness. I cry alot then and very often think about suicide, I distance myself from everything and everyone, I just am alone then. I have gathered quite alot information how to commit a suicide, what ways to prefer, where, when, etc. During that depressive time, I also hate everyone around me. Even the ones I love - and I find myself saying that I hate them. The thing which concerns me, is that I actually believe in it when I feel bad - I honestly do feel that I hate them. I have even wished they would die which is horrible. I just feel so much anger inside me suddenly and anything anyone else does or says upsets me even more. These bad moods don't last too long, but my bad mood "transfering" into good mood takes alot more time than the opposite - usually up to some hours.

I just feel that these mood changes are very destructive but I am absolutely helpless when it comes to stopping them - both moods are overwhelming and I can't see things in an objective way. They "eat" me completely. If possible, I would ofcourse stay in the happy state of mind.

Some facts about me:
*I am 25 year old female
*I was sexually abused when I was very little (I remember it very well)
*I don't have any close friends, because during my "bad" moods, I lose all motivation to keep in contact with people
*I am in a long-distant relationship but I know I can't trust anyone else but me and I do not trust my partner, although he hasn't done anything wrong
*I have never been close to my family. My parents brought me up and they never punished me, I had everything I needed/wanted. But I never (!) got any hugs or caring words.
*Very recently I had a very traumatic event, and only 2 persons know about it. I am afraid that this event might trigger even more rapid and severe mood changes.

I've just come to realise that I can't find my place in this life and it's so annoying. It stops me living normally. I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel, but I know I'm not happy.

Is it normal or should I seek some help?

[mazing]

I would be talking to your doctor if you can about your symptoms. There may be many reasons for the moods you are experiencing - hormones, mental illness, life/environmental stressors. Your doctor would be the first place where they could look at your symptoms, help to look at both physical and mental causes and point you in the right direction for services and support.

If you feel that you aren't happy and your moods are affecting your life and relationships then I believe that you should seek some help

[shezbut]

Welcome to Psych Central,

I am sorry that you're struggling with your emotions, relationships, and very difficult memories. I can relate to a lot of your difficulties. There are a few different forums in which members talk specifically about depression, sexual abuse, personality disorders, friend/family relationships.

Your experiences do make me believe that you need some help working through your life. You may not be crazy , but you certainly could use help in coming to terms with these horrible memories. And, hopefully, come up with some healthy ways of dealing with your pinball - like emotions.

Gentle hugs to you...

[Benignity]

Don't take this to heart without speaking to a psychiatrist or whatever, but it sounds to me like some symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. IDK though just something to mull over and maybe talk to a professional about.

[buzzie729]

It sounds like bi polar. It is treatable though.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Maricela

*I was sexually abused when I was very little (I remember it very well)

Don't you think this is a good reason to not trust people, and descend periodically into your "moods", because this has never been resolved?

Is it normal or should I seek some help?

I think it is understandable under your circumstances. I think your getting help would be a good idea -- if you can find real help (which you deserve), and not just claims of help.

[Pikku Myy]

Agree with pachyderm totally eventhough, my triggers have been quite different . I finally opened up to my regular DR, and she referred me to a great T. My symptoms and downward spiral was so sudden & quick... I also decided to ask support and help from my close family, several very dear friends, and my business partners I felt very embarressed, kind of like a looser at time but the support has been invaluable I now know I am not a super woman Hugs

[avlady]

Originally Posted by Maricela

Hello!

I do not know exactly does my "state of mind" need any more attention or is everything actually normal. Let me describe you my situation a bit.

For some years (like 4-5) I have had quite severe mood changes. They are very rapid and usually one mood lasts for a day max. If I am happy, I consider myself "normal" - i organise things, I am full of hope, I believe in myself and everything seems really good. Then, VERY suddenly (within minutes) my mood changes. It is usually triggered by a random thing - someone said something which i misunderstood, I rememembered something bad, etc. When this "depressive mood" triggers, all I feel is emptiness and hopelessness. I cry alot then and very often think about suicide, I distance myself from everything and everyone, I just am alone then. I have gathered quite alot information how to commit a suicide, what ways to prefer, where, when, etc. During that depressive time, I also hate everyone around me. Even the ones I love - and I find myself saying that I hate them. The thing which concerns me, is that I actually believe in it when I feel bad - I honestly do feel that I hate them. I have even wished they would die which is horrible. I just feel so much anger inside me suddenly and anything anyone else does or says upsets me even more. These bad moods don't last too long, but my bad mood "transfering" into good mood takes alot more time than the opposite - usually up to some hours.

I just feel that these mood changes are very destructive but I am absolutely helpless when it comes to stopping them - both moods are overwhelming and I can't see things in an objective way. They "eat" me completely. If possible, I would ofcourse stay in the happy state of mind.

Some facts about me:
*I am 25 year old female
*I was sexually abused when I was very little (I remember it very well)
*I don't have any close friends, because during my "bad" moods, I lose all motivation to keep in contact with people
*I am in a long-distant relationship but I know I can't trust anyone else but me and I do not trust my partner, although he hasn't done anything wrong
*I have never been close to my family. My parents brought me up and they never punished me, I had everything I needed/wanted. But I never (!) got any hugs or caring words.
*Very recently I had a very traumatic event, and only 2 persons know about it. I am afraid that this event might trigger even more rapid and severe mood changes.

I've just come to realise that I can't find my place in this life and it's so annoying. It stops me living normally. I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel, but I know I'm not happy.

Is it normal or should I seek some help?

I think you should get help psychologically, you are very distressed , but i'm no doctr which is where you seem to need to be. There is nothing wrong with needing help, and you'll see in others what you see in yourself if you go to a social group or such.I'm jokingly a certified nut but I used to attend day treatment and met many friends and we all helped each other.

[Open Eyes]

(((Maricela))),

Well, none of us are professionals here, so we cant give you a diagnosis really,

However, what stands out to me is that you have had a history of abuse and a recent trama. So the symptoms you are sharing here could very well be that you are dealing with "Post tramatic Stress" and it is really "important" that you get help for that.

With post tramatic stress, there are these mood changes and anger and even suicidal thoughts can come and go and a slow withdrawl from being social too. So it is very "important" you get "help". When you ask for "help" you need to make sure you talk about what you have discussed here so that your "symptoms" don't get mistaken for some of the things suggested here. You don't need to get "misdiagnosed", you need help in processing this recent trama because you are not doing it right at all, and it is important you get the right help right away.

I have had that happen to me after a trama too, and I got worse and once I got help, I was relieved to know why I was struggling and that it wasn't "my fault".

Please get help and let us know how you make out.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

good luck... keep us posted with how you're getting on!

[Maricela]

Thank you all so much for these answers! I will try to book an appointment as soon as possible, the queues are months long though. I will keep searching around in this forum in the meanwhile.

And thanks again