[AmmoniaJane]

I feel sort of stupid writing this, I'm terrible at opening up to anyone, but I really need to say something to someone; 'cause I don't know what the hell's wrong with me.
Almost everyday I get this horrible empty feeling in my chest, I don't know what triggers it, or anything like that, I have o idea what it means. It can last anywhere between 5 mins and a couple of hours.
I'm also having issues with social things lately, not so much people I know well already, but anything to do with new people, I get worked up really easily, and usually end up in tears not wanting to leave the house, because I can't find anything to wear, and I look horrible etc.
I keep getting urges to self harm again, I managed to stop about a year and a half ago, but a couple of months ago I slipped a bit; not too badly, but I guess the severity of it isn't the issue...
I'm having more body image issues again too, I barely look at myself naked in the bathroom, because if I do I'll probably end up in tears, so I try not to. I'm feeling guilty eating again too, for a couple of years I had serious issues with my eating patterns, mostly not eating unless it was necessary, and eventually bulimia too; I was getting better, but the self hatred is back, bad, and I don't know what to do. The only time I ever brought it up with a Psych, they told me well it's obviously not too bad, so there was nothing to worry about; because I was a healthy weight.
It's really starting to worry my fiance, he gets so worried when he sees me down and can't do anything, but I don't know what to tell him.
God, I've rambled, and I sound like an idiot, but I guess I'll post it here anyway.
I hope this is an ok place to post this, I don't know where to put it, because it's a bit all over the place...

[shezbut]

You don't sound like an idiot at all.

You have struggled with these issues before, but it sounds as though your T completely invalidated your emotions and experiences. That is horrible! :sad: Gosh, all T's ought to know better by now.

The empty feeling in your chest sounds like high anxiety to me. Is it a strange pressure as well? The other symptoms certainly appear to be related to low self-esteem and depression.

Do you work? Do you have health insurance? While you're hesitant to reach out to a professional for help, I really do recommend seeing your G.P. and be honest with the emotions and experiences that you've been struggling with lately. Write a list explaining your symptoms and admit how long you've been suffering. He or she certainly has a list of T's to choose from and make an educated decision on which T's would be most helpful to you. PLEASE do reach out for professional help ~ you really do deserve it!

Don't hesitate to bring your fiance or another friend, to your visit to the G.P. for emotional support. As a second set of ears, they can help you recall advice given ~ and make certain that all of your issues were covered.

Gentle hugs to you...please take care of yourself and reach out for assistance before your symptoms worsen.

[AmmoniaJane]

Yeah, Micheal (my fiance) wants me to see someone, and at least I know he doesn't judge me, since he's on meds himself for anxiety, he's actually said that he thinks it's anxiety too in the past; but I'm terrible at talking to people face to face. I just get too nervous and decide all my problems aren't worth the time I'm making the other person waste, and I always feel so damn self indulgent talking about myself, I'm so much better at listening to other peoples problems, always have been.
I only went to a T twice a couple of years ago because my friend swore by her, but as I said, I felt too self indulgent, and it felt like I was being rushed into meds exceptionally fast, I only saw her twice. However I suppose the way I was acting then it was probably a fair call.
I don't know, I suppose the idea of actually talking to someone officially, scares the **** out of me.