How to deal with street bullies.

I live in NYC and, especially Manhattan, is a walking town. Few have cars so the way to go is by walking or public transportation.

Lately, I've come across a new phenomenon on the streets - shoulder bumping. And, it's committed by young women. They purposely walk into you. It's a form of bullying of complete strangers. It appears to be done for fun. Is anyone else familiar with it? The bumps are intention and are often more that mild physical bumps. I have seen young girls walk 4-5 in a row so that they can bump into me consecutively. They seems to see it as a game.

I suffer from pretty severe foot problems and cannot jump out of their way. It happens so often that it's really starting to get to me, especially as I suffered from bullying from my mother and others as a child. I am sick of being beat up. What should I do?

Is there any way you can walk along with or beside other people? Are there enough people on the streets that you can kind of "group up" without appearing pushy? I think if I saw other people on the street, I'd mingle with them, so it would appear that I was with them, and maybe the bullies would leave you alone.

What do you think? Possible, or not? I've never been to NYC or anywhere near there, so I don't have a clue. LOL But that's what i'd do around here.

Maybe someone else will have better ideas. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

No. Like I said, I have bad feet. Often I have trouble keeping up. I try to walk on the right side of the sidewalk to be polite. I am not the quickest mover. Sometimes, the sidewalks are very crowded. But, the shoulder bumping people take advantage of this. I have really been clobbered a few times. I have taken to sticking my elbow out. If you want to walk into it then be my guest. People take the hint. I have been thinking of calling the police to speak about it. I do not want my self defense moves to be interpreted as attacks on others. It's my impression that some modern women have turned into bullies and that they take advantage of it when men stand up to being bullied. I find it very unfair.

I think if you are being challenged by this constantly you should ask the police what you could do. I think thats awful unhappyguy, also, maybe you could find a place to observe what others do because you can't be the only one this happens to. Maybe you might see someone have a way to handle it that you havent thought of.

((Hugs))

Note - some pick pockets use the "bump" as a move to steal your stuff. It's consider amateur but some people still do it. Just be aware of your stuff if people are bumping into you.

The shoulder bumps are intentional. I guess there are a lot of angry women out there seeking to bully men and, since I'm not that big physically, I am a good target. I have a friend who is shorter than me and his attitude is "if people want to walk into me they are welcome to." I guess he thinks there is nothing that he can do about it. However, the problem seems to be increasing and, with my bad feet, there is also a physical limitation involved. Is this behavior all part of that "mean girls" behavior / mentality?

I think you should carry a cane, use it to protect your bad foot, and tell the "bumpers" off if they bump you again. That's so rude of them. Don't let them push you around!

With a bandaid over one eye this winter, and walking unsteadily and usually with a stick, I felt like the street people were really focusing on me. One actually said, "boy you don't talk to nobody do you?" Why should I stop and talk to strangers who are hustling for money when I am barely making ends meet myself? So I put on a cranky face. Or a more serious one, anyway. Really about the only advice they give women is to look like you know where you're going. Ie try giving off a different vibe. Like they say, it's a jungle out there.

It sounds like you are dealing with small groups of women who are trying to intimidate, that is the picture I am getting here. Well, give them a surprise instead of how you are probably acting, which is "avoiding". Instead when they do this "moan" like you "enjoy" it. Can even say, "ah human contact" mmmm. And that will "gross them out" and put "them" on the defensive. It works well, called "reverse psychology". It is "not" the desired affect they will expect either. Though it may seem gross, well, they are asking for it, time to take the control unhappyguy.

Sometimes, depending on the situation, the reaction I am discribing, if done right can even become somehwhat endearing and can create a chuckle. I have done this often and so I know it works. I had to remember how I worked it with the children that always took them by surprise, even adults can be turned this way. Turn something troubling into the unexpected.

Unless they take this opportunity to declare him a masher. This would be like pleading guilty when you're innocent.

I sympathize. This may sound like an odd question but is there a particular part of the body that they aim for? An elbow sounds fine but that has it's drawbacks.

I think I heard about something like this. It is some kind of game. I wish young people understood what it feels like to get older

Actually hankster, no, its not really. I do see how you might see it that way. But the picture I am getting from unhappyguy is that this is an intentional bully thing. So what that means is "they want to intimidate him" because they are looking for some kind of "control" or "sense of power". If he reacts with an off the cuff, "that feels good, need that human contact today" and even in a light hearted way, "not a creepy way" they will not expect that and they will want to "distance" from him. Avoiding and showing "anger" is more guilty than anything IMO. That is "what they want'.

It is not like he can carry a cane and hit them when they do this, that would be feeding into it, even give "them the reason to call foul". Even if he "elbows" them, they want that too, because that tells them they are making him angry.

Hey, it is just my suggestion, something I have done myself in certain situations and it has worked for me.

There were times I had to think "quick" on my feet so I could stop this kind of agression type stuff. I wish I knew how on that school bus so long ago. However I sure helped my daughter do it and it worked for her.
She had two girls on her bus that were that way with everyone, including her. So, we decided to call them Bevis and Butt Head. And one day on the bus she laughed at them and said, Ok, Bevis and Butt Head, and the entire bus laughed. It put them in their place.

Yes, for some it is a game. Others just seem angry or in a bullying mood. Civility seems to be a thing of the past.

My first thought was something like http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma...bxcdo1_500.jpg
a spiked shoulder pad. I hate that people do this to you. I hate people touching me in the street, like tapping my shoulder to beg for money. I get angry if someone touches me quite often. I feel invaded.

Oh yeah, you would definitely make some new friends with that outfit!! But I get the sense guy is more on the preppie side

Hi HG....Any way of seeing them coming in time to pause and step out of their line? Don't let that seem like you're backing down in any shape way or form. It's certainly dealing with ********e and the best way to do that at this level is avoid. I mean is it possible to scan for these types and just pause in your stride? If you're stopped and they bee-line you anyway, while it's obvious you're clearly aware of them...then you might let rip with a harsh word or two if they complete the action.

But I think they're trying to make it look like an oops. If they have to go out of their way and be obvious in targeting some-one...well, I think that isn't so much the game. If these were gangbanger gals they might follow thru anyway but I think this phenomena, for the most part is a silly game by ordinary, albeit rude morons who hopefully will grow out of this.

Confrontation with these young people may only get you brazen derision as they of course plead innocence and accident. Pre empting the moment by seeing them approach is my thought. Maintain eye contact and stop. I'm sure they want an oops...not an obvious.

Am I the only one that thinks that that is weird?

People in new York have nothing better to do than bump into people? Or am I just missing out on this new awesome trend..

This used to be a big thing in SF fifteen years ago. I found the only thing that stopped it was kicking their assets.

Don't worry too much, the pile of them will be in jail soon enough.

-Flee

I'd say, "Y'all having PMS? Puttig up with Men's ****?"

Probably not funny, but I'd ask that.

Knowing me, I'd end up pushing them or something. I tend to have a bad temper and that definitely wouldn't help. I know they used to do that at my high school, back in the 90s. The weird thing was, though, that the older boys liked to do it to the younger girls. I had two big football players team up side by side and bump into me on both sides, using their massive bulk to trap me between them and drag me about 10 feet backwards. I used a rolling backpack as well because of a back injury and the guys would stick their feet out to try and trip me, but I'd just roll it right over their feet. If they wanted to try to trip me up, sometimes I'd ram it into their ankles. Our hallways at that school were so overcrowded that my teachers would let me out 5 minutes early just so I could try to get to the next class without that happening. We had 5000 students at that school, so you could imagine there was a lot of that going on. I don't understand it either. It really makes no sense to behave like that.

Hi Unhappyguy

If that happened to me and I had the chance to say a few words to them, I'd say "You're not strong and powerful.....you're just RUDE and stupid for taking pride in such ugly behavior. Learn some manners, little girl." With that, I'd throw it out of my head and move on with my day.

You might also want to consider becoming an Oakland Raiders fan. I think you'd look awesome walking down the street with huge spiked shoulder pads. If you happen to run into the same group of girls, you can approach them and say "MY turn!"