[Danno]

I was betrayed by my past love of life and also betrayed by her psychotherapist and my psychotherapist. I do not trust women any more. I especially do not trust feminists or liberal people, nor do I trust psychologists or social workers any more, which was a complete 180 for me, because previously these were among the kinds of people I placed much trust into. I consider myself to be quite liberal (at least I used to). Now I don’t know what I am or what I have become.

I no longer feel comfortable having sex with anyone, nor have I for years. Nor have I wanted to. Nor have I tried to meet any women, and even if I did, I would not have anything to offer a woman anyway, because women want a successful or potentially successful man in their life. I also have flushed my brains and my education and career down the toilet as a result of this sad, painful situation which threw me into an emotional tailspin years ago.

What would anyone suggest that I do to heal myself? I am a sad and probabally hopeless case.

[(JD)]

Sorry (((Danno))) Healing oneself is a long journey, often travelled alone. There are many good books... thousands in fact... if you are a self starter they will help.

I wonder in what way you were "betrayed". It isn't common that a licensed professional would do that, but it does happen. That you were "betrayed' by two of them makes this suspect to interpretation.

Even so, gauging the entire world of females by the perceived actions of maybe 3 is not rational. I'm hoping you can find a male psychologist to help you through this, and whatever caused you to seek help in the first place. Let us know what you think... and welcome.

Please research anything I suggest before believing...

[ltlredvett]

Danno.......

I must tell you taht reading your post struck a cord with me. Like you I am a very educated individual. And, I have held a very good professional job. And, also like you, my life has been in a tailsping for quite some time. A self-destructive tail spin that has also left me in a position of financial and emotional instability that palces me in the category of "keep your distance" when it comes to women.

I am also isolating myself from the opposite sex. My first wife was very emotionally unstable and very verbally abusive. She still is and I see her doing the same thing to my kids that she did to me. Sucking them in. Having them walk on eggshells so that they don't get her mad. This woman robbed me of the very essence of who I was. I made the mistake of getting into a rebound marriage. I was captivated by this woman as she was much younger, very feminine, very attractive and extremeley passioante. I thought I had found all the things that were missing in a relationship. But, as it turned out, all she wanted to do was use me to pay off her debt and escape to marry someone else thousands of miles away. I never saw it coming. My life was in a tail spin after that. Financially I was ruined. Emotionally empty.

I did find someone to love, someone wonderful. I thought I was so blessed to have found this woman. But, my depression led to me acting out sexually. The combination of my actions and my depression not surprisingly caused me to lose her.

So, I am in the same place as you. I don't feel that I am in a good position in terms of my relationships with women. My first wife was verbally abusive and basically a very nasty person. My second wife used me and discarded me when her purpose was met. And my next love left me to save herself... shich I can't blame her for... but the reality is that I am human and I made a mistake. Unfortunately it was a mistake I am paying the price for.

So, I can relate to the fact that you are in a downward spiral. Relate to your relationship issues. Relate to teh reality that you are not a desirable partner. Relate to your frustrations. Your feelings.

The question is how do we fix it? I for one do not have a clue.

[Danno]

It isn't common that a licensed professional would do that, but it does happen. That you were "betrayed' by two of them makes this suspect to interpretation.

Where I live it's not rare for a social worker or psychologist to psychologically abuse a client, very little oversight in our state, according to the state people anyway. The two we had were married, violated confidentiality, did psychotherapy & couples therapy by proxy which I later found was unethical.

Anyway I think I’m done with all forms of psychotherapy, male or female. I'm in my 40's and just can't tolerate it any more.

But I’ll go back to reading books I guess, will take your advice there. That’s where I started out long ago anyway. At least books can’t breach confidentiality or manipulate me and I can trust them to be consistent. Books bring peace and quiet.

Any good books out there for getting bad therapy experiences or trusting problems?

Thanks.

[Danno]

Neither do I. Maybe I/we are not supposed to fix anything? And just live. Maybe trying to fix things that don't need fixing is what causes some problems.

[imported_cdngrl]

Danno,
hi, I could relate to your posted message. Sounds as though you have been hurt in your life, perhaps deeply. i know from my experience that this is very difficult to overcome. I, too, was betrayed by a therapist with whom I did alot of deep healing work. This was devastating for me and I still have not gotten over it, so to speak. What I have learned is that therapists are human and do make mistakes. Some are taking advantage of clients, which was not what happened with me. My therapist pretty much abandoned me and this was very hurtful, triggering abandonment issues that are very painful, to do with my Mom. I have also learned that it is not fair for me to see all therapists as inexperienced or untrustworthy. This does not mean I don't understand your views. Once one is hurt I believe it is difficult to trust again but that trusting again, taking a risk and having it work out...is exactly what will help. you are doing that here by sharing and talking about it. So, good for you. Its taken years for me to build a trusting relationship with my current therapist, who is more educated and experienced, it turns out. I have been hurt by both men and women, family who abused me. it is women I trust less...probably because my moms abuse is so painful. Anyway....to answer your question as to how to heal...it takes time, courage, risking. Sometimes we get hurt all over but sometimes we meet and connect with people who can teach us trust is possible. a trusting relationship truly can exist and this is how we grow. It is by no means easy. I too have put my dreams on hold, dreams what dreams? I basically have no self esteem and I believe therapy is the only thing that will help me with that particular issue which is a biggie. I'll take it one relationship at a time. still working on it with a long way to go. Sorry for the lengthy reply. I wish you well. , Judy

[Danno]

Thanks for your long post. For me I’m not going through therapy again because for one thing it is extremely time consuming, and expensive and there is no guarantee that I will not get screwed up again by either good therapy from a well intentioned therapist or bad therapy from an incompetent or mean therapist.

I wish I could try it again I really do; I was so bashed in emotionally by the last two I just can’t any more. I just won’t risk it, I’m too fragile now and they say to “shop around” and talk to several therapists until you find one you like but that “shopping” costs hundreds of dollars and sometimes months. I used to think social workers/psychotherapists were great until one destroyed my mental health using Couples Counseling by Proxy on me, an experimental form of therapy. It totally ripped me into shreds and I’m not good for much anything any more.

Although I’m thinking about trying out a prescription from an MD and forgo all the psychotherapy stuff. That I might be able to handle.

[ariel]

Try reading and doing The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

-Ariel

Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic, in it.
-Goethe