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Old Nov 14, 2006, 08:06 PM
pamelasu pamelasu is offline
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I was sexually, physically, and mentally abused when I was growing up. I didn't realize that it was abuse until I started going to therapy in this past year. I have really came a long ways in my therapy and I am not constantly thinking all the time any more, but the thing is I have a very bad trust issue. I can't seem to open up to any one. When people ask me questions like how do I feel about something, I get all shy and I can't speak a word. I can't say a single thing when I am asked such things. Today I talked with one of my friends on the phone and he asked me all kinds of questions about me and I couldn't answer them at all. I felt bad for not answering them but I don't know how to stop feeling so insecure. I have been in therapy for 10 months now and with the same therapist. I feel bad because she tries so hard to get me to talk more. I have been working really hard to get past all this pain that is built up inside of me so that I can talk with her. I have been getting more comfortable around her but I stil l have a hard time answering questions. Can anyone help me? I need some feed back on how to gain my life and be free from all of this. How do I heal...

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  #2  
Old Nov 14, 2006, 08:53 PM
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Twisted_Soul Twisted_Soul is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: Contentment
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Know this...you are not alone.
I have known my T for over 10 yrs. I recently began seeing her again about 18 months ago and I still have issues talking and getting things out. I still have issues with trust. I want to talk but this block happens and I am trapped.
It isn't that I do not trust T at all...but, I remember trusting someone who said they cared about me only to be their little rag. They taught the Little girl who is still inside me @ 37 years old that no one can be fully trusted.
He took more away then I think will ever get replaced.
So, I don't have the answer on how to heal. It is certainly a process.
But, I did want you to know that you are not alone in how you think or react!
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How do I heal...
  #3  
Old Nov 15, 2006, 03:00 PM
FaithisAlive FaithisAlive is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 478
With time...writing letters can help you to learn how to talk about it.. writing them and then reading them aloud to your T.

I am so disconnected from it that i have this problem to.. I have been in therapy over a year now and still have yet to open up to her.

I am determined to heal.. I am not going to allow this to hold me hostage for the rest of my life... I have had enough of my life stolen from me by the abuse..

You are not alone... and you can do this.. be pateint with yourself... you didn't get this way in a short period of time.. it isn't going to happen in a short period of time.

Thinking of you... Faith
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  #4  
Old Nov 15, 2006, 04:48 PM
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Soidhonia Soidhonia is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2006
Location: OHIO
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Hello i hope you are doing well at this time. NAMI and DBSA support groups are on the internet and are very good supportive groups. I used to be very awkward about talking to people as well, and both of these groups really gave me a good grounding in feeling safe to express feelings. It is a one day at a time process with feeling that you trust someone enough to talk without feeling threatened. Journaling and poetry and writing feelings are also good for people that have communication issues. Your therapist can help you with your issues as well, I hope the best for you take care Sincerely Soidhonia
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  #5  
Old Nov 19, 2006, 04:42 PM
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JustAPixie JustAPixie is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 5,212
((((((( pamelasu ))))))

Because of my abuse I went through a lot of the same emotions, I know how hard it is. I did a drama/acting course a few months ago to boost my selfesteem. It was horrifying, standing infront of fifty people having to do all sorts of things, I really thought I wasn't gonna make it and hated going.

Now, as I look back, it is probbly the most positive thing I have done for myself so far!!! I decided to face my fear and fight it, and I succeeded. I can still do with a lot of improvement, but at least I can look the world in the eyes again!

Would it help if maybe you went to some kind of group therapy?
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  #6  
Old Nov 19, 2006, 05:01 PM
pamelasu pamelasu is offline
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I do fine with a group of people around me. I can talk with people just fine, but when it comes down to being one on one with my therapist it's hard to get use to all of the attention from one person.

I do write in like three different journals every day. I write poetry every day, I draw every day. I do all kinds of things to try to relieve the pain that is built up inside of me. I pray, I ask God for forgivness and I go to church, I do so much that is good in my life. Sure it helps me for a little bit but it doesn't help me to release all of the pain. I would do so much better if I could only talk with my therapist.

Though, what's the point now? She doesn't want to help me any more. I don't blame her for not wanting to help me because there is a lot of issues that I need to work through. I just wish that she would change her mind though. How do I heal...
  #7  
Old Nov 19, 2006, 05:32 PM
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JustAPixie JustAPixie is offline
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Location: South Africa
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Why do you feel she doesn't want to help you anymore??? Was it something she said or did?
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  #8  
Old Nov 19, 2006, 08:24 PM
pamelasu pamelasu is offline
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It is something that she told me. Our goal for the next four weeks is to find me another therapist. I only have four more weeks with her and that's it. I am so going to cry. I like my therapist. I wish that she would change her mind.
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