[lenjan]

I arrived at PC two months removed from a week-long inpatient stay, highlighted by the fact that my pdoc personally escorted me to the hospital. It was the middle of February in Wisconsin, and he didn’t even grab his jacket before he hustled me out the door, he was so freaked out by what I had just told him.

In the intervening years, I have made some friends here, and learned a lot. I don’t know that I can come up with 5 things off the top of my head right now, so I won’t enter the contest, but I can tell you that one thing I’ve learned is the futility of having to have the last word. I wish I had learned that when I lived at home and had my case jumped every single day by one or the other (or both) of my parents for singularly stupid crap, but learning it at 41 is better late than never.

Another thing I have learned here (I guess that makes 2 out of 5) is that the only people who understand mental illness are the people who live it. I don’t think I’ve met a single person here whose family believes that he or she is seriously ill. I can’t tell you how often my family has dismissed my depression. Exercise!, they say. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Think happy! Snap out of it! Get over it!

You know what? It can’t be done. My illness is a combination of trauma and biochemistry. Some of it comes from things that were done to me, but some of it is just the way I’m wired. Nobody who’s “normal” wants to believe that.

I’m notorious for not cleaning out my inbox, so the other night I signed on here and randomly cruised old posts I’d marked as favorites. When I feel alone, or I’m spiraling down into the abyss, or I’m too freaked out by nightmares to sleep (the case as I write this), I come here and I post about it. And people unfailingly have been kind to me. I get frustrated with the place sometimes, but that was a good reality check for me, a reminder of the caring people who come here and try to help as best they can. It was really touching to read through some of those responses.

The continual upset around here this year is a source of consternation for me. It’s not the PC I know. There are those who continually get on my nerves, as well. The solution to that is to walk away, folks. I make good use of the ignore button, and I don’t feel guilty about it. Some people are just too triggering for me. I accept this, and rather than attack them, I simply refuse to engage them. It’s a good strategy. I recommend it.

I know what a caring place this can be. I think it can be again. I know we have all been burned by some, but let’s not let that get in the way of the community here. Experience proves that if we don’t stick together, we aren’t going to get any help in the “outside” world – it’s rare for anyone to take the mentally ill seriously. Let’s not do that to each other. I’m just so tired of the backbiting and sniping. It doesn’t have to go on. I’m not perfect, I’ve engaged in it myself, but I’m just done with that. These are supposed to be support forums. Can we please get back to that?

With love and respect,

CB

[(JD)]

[Bethsway]

Candybear...hello hello...I am new to PC and am so pleased to be here...I haven't had the experience yet of what you were just talking about...but I probably will..Just remember that most of the people here are wanting and needing the same thing...kindness, support, laughter, friendship...Please don't let the meanies bother you...! Nice to meet you!!!

[Fuzzybear]

When I find someone triggering or irritating enough to put them on ignore, I always look first at MY issues..... what or who does this person remind me of? Is there something they do that reminds me of me? Or how I used to be? Or maybe my parents?

This way I don't "have to" use the ignore button very often. Just an alternative viewpoint

I am tired of the fighting too, as I am sure most people are. Thanks for posting this!

Take care
Fuzzy

good post!...i think this should be required reading for everyone at pc....."let there be peace and let it begin with me"

[wi_fighter]

DAMN IT!! I had a really good reply type up and then my cat jumped on the keyboard and wiped it out. I hate this frickin' thing with a forward and back button built in to it, because that's where she always lands.

Anyway, I said

My mom always changes the subject when I say my depression is kicking my butt. She has depression and should be on medication, but she doesn't think she should be, even when she gets better when on something.

My ex used to say "act happy and you'll be happy." "Smile, and you'll be happy." Act on the outside how you want to feel on the inside." That one I followed. I got divorced. Then I got to tell him "act happy and you'll be happy" when he told me he was depressed and would I please come back.

The ignore button has become my friend too. There are some threads that I'll enter and all I'll see is a long string of *you are ignoring this member* because a couple of them keep going back and forth with each other. I actually had a dream last night where it showed how many people have you on ignore on your profile page. Not actually who has you on ignore, just the number. Mine said five. Wonder how accurate that is?

I wish more people would use the ignore button. It gets really old to see the same pairs of people sniping back and forth, and neither one just saying "OK, I'm done, this obviously isn't working" instead of continually trying to get the last word in. But maybe they actually like that kind of interaction. Sometimes I'll unignore someone to see if anything has changed, only to see that they're replying the same way to other people as they used to reply to me. Back on ignore they go. And I've learned somewhat to not even get involved in some arguments. Not all, but some. I'm not perfect either.

Luckily everything is on the upswing, and I don't feel the need to be here so much at the moment. Meds seem to finally be the proper type and dose. Work is going well. Relationships are good. I don't need PC as a soft landing place at the moment. I have to say, it's not as soft as it used to be anyway, at least not on the surface. Too much arguing over little stuff so that not too many people can concentrate on actually supporting anyone. Yesterday I managed to stay away the entire time I was working, and I was finished by 5:45. (Not too shabby considering I got a late start).

So that's my two cents.

[h0kie]

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candybear said:
I don’t think I’ve met a single person here whose family believes that he or she is seriously ill.

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Nice to meet you, Candy. My husband has a mental illness and we deal with it every day. He doesn't do it on purpose and he can't control it - though he wishes he could. We take each day, you guessed it, one day at a time.

That being said, our parents don't understand it. Mine are better than his, but there are still days.

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I always enjoy reading what you have to say, Candy. Thanks for making me think.

[wisewoman]

Candy, you are as always a remarkable human being. I love your wit and compassion. Thanks for the long distance friendship.

[hillbunnyb]

fuzzywuzzy, no kidding. I love it when I realize an old button, pattern has been punched. I get to "see" a person from my past in the neutral light of a different person doing "it".

"OH", I get to say, oh, "it" had nothing to do with me, "it" was their stuff. I get to step back and do a little diffusing and updating of that "file". I can turn back around and look a the person in my 3D life with new eyes, learn to not take their behaviors toward me personally, even though it was me who "got it"...... learn to see them as the stuck damaged people they are....

That awareness up against all the work and healing I've done, well, it puts things in a new perspective. Understanding what the heck happened back when, answering the age old question, "How could they.....?" whatever...... turn into, "OH, THAT"S HOW!" oh, oh, oh I love it when that understanding comes. Eureka moments that fill in the puzzle.

[LMo]

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candybear said:
I don’t think I’ve met a single person here whose family believes that he or she is seriously ill.

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I originally came here BECAUSE my husband was seriously ill and I didn't know what to do, how to help him, or to cope with my own frustrations about his illness...

[Fuzzybear]

[hillbunnyb]

Elmo, I think candybear meant birth family. I know I've been nuts my whole life and my whole family won't go there. It is only very recently we can even scratch the surface to speak of such things "in the family"--- "bad seed" and all that. People REALLY don't want to go there. ANYTHING but THAT.... shhhhh!!!! There is depression on both sides of my family. Unaddressed for centuries. My sister whispered to me that, "My niece takes an anti-depressant" out of earshot of our Mom..... shhhhhhhh.

A wife comes to the scene later with objectivity. Different.

[LMo]

that's probably true. Didn't mean to digress.

For the record, this has been a remarkable source of support for me. I don't know what I would have done without PC. I was so scared and didn't know who I could talk to who would understand. You guys all did thank you...

[lenjan]

LMo, "outside" people are the only ones who have even tried to understand my depression. I did in fact mean birth family when I said no one gets it. There is rampant mental illness in my family, including a suicide, but they're all in horrible denial. I put it out in the open and it makes them uncomfortable.

I know how supportive you have been of your husband, and I think that's wonderful!

Candy

[Lexicon78]

I have seen so many things here on PC and quite frankly each and every one of the members here absolutely amaze me...

Candybear...I find you absolutely amazing and I think that the people who would rather not recognize this are blind to the really important things in the world. I just wanted to say that.

[PasDeDeux]

[lenjan]

Thank you, Lexi. I really needed that today.



Candy

((((Candybear)))