[Neptune83]

I'm in the UK.
Our health visitor suggested a referral to a social worker for extra support around my mental health issues. I was happy to accept additional support, but she failed to tell me it wasn't an adult social worker she was referring us to, but a children's social worker because apparently she has concerns for our children's welfare. She did NOT clarify this at all.
Having just got their 'report' through, I am FUMING. There are a huge number of mistakes but what's worse is their inaccuracy. The lies that have been told about me is just awful and they have done nothing but paint me in a bad light. I am being blamed for just about everything and all the problems we have faced and they even have the nerve to tell, not suggest but TELL us our relationship is basically doomed to failure because of me. They stated that we will resent each other, we're dishonest to each other and other things too. This is after meeting us twice. They also said without "professional help" I will never recover. That's optimism for you.
I cannot go into this properly because its just too long winded, but do I have to have their involvement? Or can I tell them we do not wish for any more contact with them? This is not a child protection case.
I am currently noting every mistake they've made and clearing up the lies they have told. Angry doesn't even come close.

[Neptune83]

I will present them with the actual FACTS after the bank holiday, and they will correct their report. But I don't want them involved because they twist everything you say.

[H3rmit]

I would be angry, too. Grrr.

[Neptune83]

Urgh I just feel completely lied to and I'm supposed to trust these people?!
They even say I was made aware of the complaints procedure, on both visits there was zero mention of how to go about making a complaint.
They said I fell out with my sons nan a few years ago, wording it as if she had done nothing wrong when in fact I explained that she blamed me for her sons suicide in front of my eight year old son. That's his dad she's talking about, in front of him, at eight years old!! I think I had every reason to be pissed at her, and I only stopped contact for a short period of time to allow things to calm down.
There's a number of things like this which I am taking the fall for on their report.

[yellowted]

government has a duty of care towards the children of the UK, so wherever there is doubt over safety/abuse or the ability of the raiser/carer the local childrens services will automatically place a SW to investigate/work with the parents, m/h by nature screams doubt, that is why they are involved. that does not mean you are by any means a bad mother, it simply is precaution as some parents with M/H issues are unable to cope with children too during their illness putting them all at risk.

don't tell them in verbal words about the mistakes in the report, write a dated factual letter referencing every tiny mistake and exactly what it should really be stating in each case, do not waffle, state only the facts as they are more likely to read it the whole way through e.g.

your address
date
dear x,
having read the report dated... of which i enclose a copy, i believe it to contain many inaccuracies and request it to be ammended to portray the following.

1. paragraph... line .. states..... where in fact what was said was .
2. paragraph... line .. states..... where in fact what i was trying to state/get across was.....
etc
If you need further clarification i can be contacted on ..phone number.. between..two times..on ..a specific date or two if you feel generous..
i look forward to receiving an ammended copy as soon as is possible to rectify the inaccuracies.
sign and print your name.
then hand it directly to the SW involved.

if you do not like the SW who has been designated to you you lawfully have the right to request and be appointed with a different one - the statement 'i do not feel i can work with this person' really works well in requesting a change of SW. you need to have reasons ready, things like 'i do not trust her' 'i feel her ability to see the whole picture is being influenced by my diagnosis rather than the actual facts'. to request a different SW you need to go to or better still write to her superior or the head of childrens services in your area.

whatever you do, do everything you can in writing and keep a copy, that way they can not deny anything as you have proof of what you wrote and you can refer back to your letters. make sure you date each one for later reference. everytime the SW visits she makes a report, so everytime she comes request a copy of her report. that way you have a running book of accounts. you have the right to have copies of these reports and if she denies you this she is in breach of the law .

like all 'service workers' there are good and bad ones, some understand the strains of raising children and others see only the ideal way as the right way.

unfortunately it seems to be the norm for reports of any kind to contain many inaccuracies, if you read my reports i was given my dx between 2 and 7 years ago, am aged 32 or 45 depending on which one you believe (i am actually 42!) and lo and behold my partner died 15, 12 and 10 years ago among other things, one MRI report lists around 10 things wrong with my spine from degeneration to herniated disks, then in the summary states there is nothing wrong with my spine ...WTF! try getting a doctor to read a whole report, it is impossible, they only read the summary, even with the report in front of him he still insisted on nothing being wrong because the summary said so! so it is extremely important to get the reports accurate.

most importantly do not get verbally cross or anger around the SW as this is a green light to them that you lose temper around your kids. that is why letters expressing your concern about inaccuracies or incompetence are far better.

[Neptune83]

Thank you for your advice
I have a lot of people elsewhere telling me not to complain, basically to shut up and cooperate. I'm going to complain because I'm extremely unhappy with what they wrote. It's very inaccurate and very judgemental. They've even noted down that I bottle feed my youngest, as if that's a really bad thing. I didn't have any choice, I was on antibiotics for a chest infection and advised not to breast feed. My daughter has to eat! They've even said that my youngest has been poorly, she's vulnerable and apparently more so because of my mental health as if I can't care for her!

[Vibe]

Be very, very careful with these people. The UK has faced a lot of scrutiny for how they handle child protection cases. They've been accused on many occasions of falsifying reports, taking children from their parents, then adopting those kids to other people.

I would seriously research how to best handle this situation and do whatever you can to get them off your case. I would not react emotionally. Unfortunately, I don't know whether fighting or complying would be best. It's good that it hasn't turned into a child protection case yet, but take it seriously and do what you can to get them out of your life.

[Neptune83]

I really despise our health visitor for this. She gave me a choice on the surface, making it out to be additional support for my mh problems, making it sound as if it would be adult social services not children's. she's told them she has concerns for our children's welfare, but not once has she told us this, gutless wonder that she is. I'll be getting rid of her that's for sure. She's the first to take a hike. I will ask for a different health visitor. I am entitled to that.
Many people think the best way to get rid of social services is to cooperate with them. But, since they have referred us to what appears to be a more long term worker, I am put off greatly in cooperation because I see us never ridding them from our lives and them carrying on with their blatant lies. I could see this turning into child protection if they're allowed to carry on. They have a habit of throwing their weight around where it's unnecessary.
My question to them is - where the hell were they when I actually did need them as a teen when I was being put through abuse? Where was their 'help' then? They just left me. They left me with three grown men, at the age of 14, to be abused for a year and a half. And guess who's fault that was.. Mine! I still have every report from back then too and it is ALL blamed on me. Maybe I should have made better decisions, but I was a kid. I thought I knew best, then before I knew it I was trapped in one of the most nasty situations I've ever been in.
But, I survived this, along with other traumatic events that followed. I'm still here now, I look after my kids to the best of my ability and I am able. They don't want for anything, I'm not like my step daughters mum, if we're short for money we make sure our kids are fed and our bills are paid first, we go without if we have to and that's fine as long as they are not neglected. She on the other hand, would go out and spend her money on drink, drugs and tattoos before even buying food for her kids. Hence why her daughter now lives with us. That is the type of person they should be judging, not someone who's trying their best and clearly loves their kids. I would do ANYTHING for them.
It infuriates me to no end that I'm being judged simply because I have a mh problem. If I had no legs they wouldn't bat an eyelid. But because its something they don't fully understand, they think my kids are vulnerable because of it.
I'm not too sure where to go with this, I would very much like to tell them where they can stick their 'help'. I know this isn't the right way though, getting ****** with them. I will play it cool, as a cucumber, and tell them politely that we don't require their help. If that doesn't work, then I will make a complaint in writing. And I will continue to do so until someone listens to me. One thing I do know, I am definitely not letting this go. I'm not having them make me out to be evil mother of the year and get away with it.

[tinyrabbit]

I would advise you go on the Mumsnet website as people there will give you better-informed advice on how to handle this

[Neptune83]

Thank you, I'll check that out