[newtus]

how do young adults get the courage to move out alone? especially if they dont have much. when do most people leave? my living situation isnt the best for my mental health and emotional health. im living with a parent that is very level headed but has problems with alcohol and doesnt take care of a few life issues and daily living things. a lot of things i help out with. but i am also friendless and isolated in a rural setting. im very lonely to the point of having attempted suicide and still think about it often. but then again i rely on this parent and he parttly (small but still) relies on me. i dont know anyone and my parents are divorced so i do things on my own past 5+ years. im 23 nxt month. i have a strong fear of leaving and then of leaving him. last time i tried to leave @ 20 he almost drank himself to death.



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i moved out when i was 19. my parents paid for most of my bills, as i only worked part time and went to school full time. you mentioned that your current living situation is not ideal for your health and that reason alone should empower you to make the step of living on your own. Maybe you could try out something that seems less 'extreme'. I could imagine that you would feel less anxious about it if you found a place not too far from your parent or moving into a shared flat. Sharing a flat has the advantage that you are never alone. I did miss my privacy but for me it was the ideal way of living in my early twenties because I enjoyed being around people every moment. Now many things have changed and I would prefer to have my own apartment and have my quiet space where I can relax.
You could make a pro/cons list but from your post you sound like you need to be around people your age. At the same time you feel responsible for your parent which is a difficult situation that most people your age don't have.
I'm not sure what to say about your parent except moving in a place close to him/her so you can visit regularly. Maybe someone else can suggest something.

[Perna]

I moved out when I was 22, after my stepmother called me "stupid" one time too many and I got angry. You only get your own life to live, you have to live it for yourself. As an adult you cannot allow yourself to be held hostage by another or make it the other person's "fault" you are not taking care of yourself well. It is often very hard to take care of yourself well. But one has to work at it, practice it until you get better/good at it and can then help others take care of themselves; you cannot help take care of others before you can take care of yourself.

When I moved out it was into a shared house; I found someone advertising for a roommate. She turned out to have lots of problem, including drugs, and I moved on from there to my own apartment.

[newtus]

thanks. yes im 23
id like to at least be somewhere where i feel at least mostly ok. i am dxd with paranoid schizophrenia. i am on disability. i tried college for 5 years but it didnt work out nd my dad lost his job. and he were borderline homeless for a bit. then it got better for a few years. then worse last year. hes had two strokes alcohol induced. hes still level headed and physically active but i fear still cuz hell be 67 in a few months. i usually never leave my house. partly cuz i fear leaving him alone and him drinking. quite honestly i watch him 24/7 or when im up i mean. he can do good but have pockets out of random blue where he drinks. and just cant and knows it. i had bought a breathalyzer. he didnt take that well...

hes also a hoarder. it gots 75% better by NOW. it got really severe last year but ive been cleaning up but within a week certain places are just right back where they were..

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[Perna]

I guess I'd try to find a local schizophrenic support group in your area and get a feel for resources and see if there were others you could move in with or a good group home, etc. I'd find somewhere else that was "mine" but if I wanted to help my father as much as I could you could make that your "job", be his companion and make sure he isn't drinking/able to get alcohol before you leave each evening, etc.? But I'd start to make my own life so if/when he has a problem so he's not able to be on his own you'll be better supported and able to cope and have a life of your own so it won't be quite so drastic a change?

[newtus]

yea :/
sucks sorta
i think id have to go 50 miles for the nearest support group. cuz rural living.

yea i gotta do something.
thanks for that

[D157R4C73D]

Wow, sounds like you have some rough decisions to make. I've been in a rural situation like you before, and I've also lived with a hoarder. I have hoarding tendencies myself, (or, more accurately, I'm disorganized and keep a few too many things) but it's different when you're surrounded by someone else's junk instead of your own. Having to look out for someone else when you have problems of your own isn't ideal either. Are you able to work at all? Simply getting a part time job or volunteering somewhere would probably be a major help to you. I'm guessing it would be difficult to convince your dad to relocate? It would probably be in both of your best interests if you could.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by D157R4C73D

Are you able to work at all? Simply getting a part time job or volunteering somewhere would probably be a major help to you. I'm guessing it would be difficult to convince your dad to relocate? It would probably be in both of your best interests if you could.

maybe volunterring would look into.
ive had disability for only a year i have to relook into the working stuff idk how that works really. i tried to goto college. i was in for 5 years. i failed horribly taking about 25 classes and failing them all. and being banned from two colleges for non acadameic incidences. im not sure whats wrong with me. i just chalked it up to being dumb or my illness idk.

i have asked my father about relocating many times. i dont ask anymore he gets angry. i think theres a few reasons for him. idk. i do know that 5 years ago we had to move there because my parents divorced and my mom took everything including the house. she eventually demolished that house so its no longer. my dad lost his job twice doesnt have one anymore. so i think thats mainly it. is that...he has very very litle money in the bank. very little for a person who supports someone partially AND themselves in a single-family residential house - i mean. hes on retirement now though. plus idk if anyone here would recognize what im saying but he also has rural and commercial vehicles that cant be kept at house outside rural area. thats just him though. i def have tried though is what im saying.

obviously by myself i have a couple thousand. a little over.

i mean did some thinking since i posted this
i dont think i have enough money to move nor does my dad to help.
i think ssomeone siad something about ...i think shared renting or something. idk anyone except my parents so id have to get one thats already half occupied.

[healingme4me]

When there is a guilt trip involved, from a parent, it compounds everything!!

I did go away to college, and lived on campus. But after college, I lived back home for a while. I was working two jobs. And when I made the decision to move out...let's say, it wasn't the finest hour between my mother and myself.

I spent 5 years to graduate, with some extra credits than was mandatory. And moved out, to my own place at 24. Which was a year later.

It was not the most emotionally pleasant thing, the argument with my mom, over this. She insisted, I stay, as her support, she was tending to a disabled husband and had taken in her mother in-law who was dealing with dementia-like troubles. I wanted to move out, as it was a right of passage. And, I couldn't live in a home, where I'd get up for work, and be unable to use the bathroom, because of the mother in law...she used to fall asleep in there.

It was something I needed to do for myself. Glad I did it, sorry she and I argued over it. My grandmother supported this decision, as she and I had had numerous discussions about independence before meeting a man, and marrying is a good thing to have. It was something, she'd done, in her own youth.

Hope you are able to figure something out.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I was kicked out of my home while I was in high school. I managed just fine, even though it was scary at first.

Have you considered a roommate? Maybe a dorm (if you are in school)? I once lived in a co-op house and it was filled with understanding, caring people.

If you do decide to live on your own, I can tell you that the first month will be very lonely. After a month, it feels better. Have safety people that you can talk to whenever. Also set up a time each week to call your parents. These things will make the transition easier. I also recommend getting a pet.

If you are ever alone and feel suicidal, GET HELP. Get on here, call a friend, go to your dads, or call a hotline. Don't try to brave it out.

You can do it. Best of luck <3

[Miss Laura]

Hi,

I moved out for the first time when I was 24 and very ill I lasted just over a year. I moved back home and am now at the age of 28 away to move into my 2nd flat this time all on my own..... I shared a flat the first time. I'm stressed about moving out but at the same time mega excited. I have a support network that will make it easier for me.

Do you have a support worker? Social worker? are you able to get housing benefits? I don't know where you are I'm in the UK so can only go on what I know from my own experiences

[newtus]

these are all good.

lets see id need to scrap some money. im not in school anymore. i mean im on disability but its not welfare. its disability. so i have no housing benefits in the usa. i think. haha! no social worker. ive fallen through the cracks in this system so much. its a extremely long story. i guess having a roomate would be cheaper but i know no one. hm not even acquaintace. i have to meet people first. idk how long itd convince them to let me move in with them. id look into that yea.