[desirae]

This may not belong here, I wasn't exactly sure where it should go because it's about life stuff and not depression.....if mods move it to an more appropriate place that's cool.

Well, the last week has been awful, normally that sort of awful blows over and things become well again, but for some reason it stuck it's ugly head around for a bit longer and made the situation here much worse.

My husband and I are finally and officially splitting up tomorrow. He's getting his paycheck, and I'm getting my loan, so now we are both set to separate on our own ways. I thought I would find relief in this, but instead I am in a wreck of fear.....maybe my dependency is stronger then my love for him

My kids and I have been in a horrible fit of sickness...some sort of flu. I had a severe migraine that lasted for 24 hours because of a Valium my Mom gave me to help me sleep through the intense body aches. Instead I was up all night with an excruciating headache that lasted through out the next day as well. I was in so much pain that I awoke is tears, and my husband pushed me around by the collar of my shirt demanding that I get over it and take care of the kids while he sleep (he worked night shift that week). I begged him to sympathize for my pain, instead he became crueler and pushed me around. I was then left alone down stairs with the babies, I regret to say that I made a large bed on the floor with a million pillows and blankets and we lazed about snoozing all day watching T.V till the pain passed.

Hunger of course is there, and will always be there. We are not eligible for any more food assistance because of all of my husbands raises and over time.

This morning I was studying David Gorily for my exam tonight, and my chair was pulled from under me in anger by my husband...I don't even understand what I did

I feel like I'm crashing, a huge failure. My poor babies are stuck in the middle of this, and will lose their father. He says he will no longer support me and I'm on my own with diapers and such.

I don't even have a job, I'm really scared of what can happen to me.

I still haven't cried......I've never had a nervous breakdown before, sure I've been upset and hysterical, but not to the point of a complete mental breakdown.....I fear it is going to happen because I'm not able to relieve my emotions, even if I try. I can't be mad, I can't be sad......just terrified.

I need some helpful words, encouragement, hugs, and I know it sounds like pathetically seeking attention but I need sympathy too. I'm sorry for burdening my problems on this page, but I have no place else to go.

[katheryn]

i'm sorry you are suffering right now, my thoughts are with you and your babies, i know its hard at the moment please take care.
((((((((((Desirae)))))))))))

[desirae]

On top of all those misfortuntions, I think I am pregnant again, I am on birth control an IUD, but I fear it has slipped. The reason I think this is because the "monthly lady" hasn't come last month, or this month, and my boobs hurt bad......never had that sort of symptoms for "the monthly lady" before. IDK, it could be paranioa, but I thought the same about my daughter, which actually turned out I was pregnant and I was on the pill. I missed one pill, but continued the pills afterward and there my daughter was concieved.

With my luck I will have another baby with this man.

[EJ711]

Desirae,

Is it too late to ask your husband for a reconciliation?

Hugs,

EJ

[katheryn]

the stress could be a result that you are not seeing your monthly lady as you put it

[desirae]

I'm making him leave, because he's the coldest person I know......I truly tried to help him, and compromise a little change, but he's not willing to. I don't think he thinks we are worthy enough....he won't stop drinking either.

[desirae]

I hope your right Katheryn

(((((((desirae))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((( Desirae )))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that your husband is acting out in the ways that his is...abusive.

We will support you through this decision emotionally and by being bunches of shoulders...we can certainly do that.

When you husband leaves, your assistance will max out yes? I hope so. That should tide you a bit. Also, he'll be demanded to pay support almost immediately.

Please consider contacting the police or your local women's shelter (thru the police) if he continues with the abuse for one second. You could do that right now. Their resources are unlimited in helping you...with restraining orders, divorce, child support, day care, housing, financial assitance.

We're here, hon.

KD

[DaveyJones]

((((((Desirae,))))))

Don't let your ex-hubby-to-be BS you...he HAS to support you and/or the kids, it's the law. BE SURE YOU GET A LAWYER FOR THE DIVORCE...DO NOT USE HIS LAWYER, TOO... believe me, if a court hears how you have been treated, he will get no/zip/zero/nada sympathy.

If he is pushing you around like that, go to a shelter if you have to...you and your babies don't have to live like this.

I can't understand how you feel, but I do know a bit about living on the edge...there is help for you.

In my prayers,
DJ

[bebop]

des hon he has to pay child support! he has no choice in that matter. I agree with the others that you need to get to a shelter! he is abusing you! you nor the kids deserve that hon! there is help there for you. just reach out and ask for it hon! we are here for you!

[alisandria]

((des))) I agree, he has to support you! it's the law, don't let his intimidation fool you any, and yes, call a women's resource center, or help line, they will help you out in a snap!!!

[nothemama8]

Des, no matter where you live he has to pay support it may even be taken out of his paycheck.
Make sure you have a paper notarized saying your seperated, also check and see if you have a food program called
www.angelfoodministries.com in your area
get a PFA on him if he starts again.
Angie

oh des.

I am sad to see you are going through this. What a shame.

I know the feeling of scrambling around to make ends meet right now, and have for a while. Though, with kids I can imagine it is all the more pressing.

I agree with everything said previously. If you need to, go to a shelter. Judge what is best for you and your children and where you will be able to make the most progress. I know sometimes its not as easy as just picking up and leaving, and thats not a decision anyone can make for you.

[desirae]

Thanks all so much for your support and understanding. My husbands already kissing my butt, I know he needs me just as much as I need him, but we've both had enough, especially me....so he will be out tomorrow...finally I will be free. As far as ends meat, I will make it. I'm recieiving a large lump of cash before Friday, and I'll be getting a new car and begin my search for a job around here, I've already been approved for aid for daycare. I'll survive and make it, but fear always has its way of being there.

Thanks all so much

Another resource (I don't know how old your kids are--if they are young, under 2, I believe) is WIC--women, infants & children. They give you vouchers for healthy foods like milk, cheese, cereal, etc. that you use at the grocery store. I was on it when my children were young.

Also, where I live the women's shelter provides counselling & help with job searches & training even if you don't go to the shelter to live. You just need to call them & explain that you have been abused by your husband & are trying to make it on your own.

Keep in touch, des.--Suzy

contact your local domestic violence office. their help does not depend on income and so on. just the fact that your husband is being abusive to you qualifies you for their help. and Domestic violence agencys are nationwide. There should be a number in the front of your phone book in the community sevices area. Hang in there

[Sabrina]

Desirae, I am so sorry for all that you are having to endure. I do feel that it takes a lot of courage to take the standpoint that you have with your husband and to refuse to accept his abuse any longer. Especially as you have to babies and financial worries.

My heart goes out to you, but I also admire your strength.

I agree with everyone on the support issue. Your husband will have no choice.

Sending you healing, soothing and strengthening thoughts!

Please lean on us. As much as you want and need to.

[VDIANE]

I don't know where you live and what law applies, but their should be emergency help out there for you and as the law applies, it is against the law for that man to lay one hand on you and even utter a threatening word to you. If you have small children involved, help should be even quicker, just do not give up. Girl, I thought my life caused anxiety, but I guess my life isn't that bad. I work as a Detention Officer and I would love for you to stand up and be the woman you should and have that bum lock-ed up. It's like this, if he would hit you and push you around, he will do it to the kids. It is already apparent that he cares nothing for the kids or he would not be subjecting them to this abuse. As a reminder, there is a little something called child support

[JustAPixie]

((((((((((( desirae )))))))))))))))

What you are experiencing must be horrible!!! I can't imagine all the pain and the stress you have to cope with everyday... and not having an outlet... I wish I could do more than send you a hug!