Why am I so unlovable?

Sonnen, I like you too. I think we have a lot in common. I have actually been employing the strategy of not judging myself for things I wouldn't judge others for. I actually do have a nice assortment of friends. I'm just scared they will go away, even though they say they won't. I just get frustrated because though I love them, not everyone understands me at the level I seek to be understood. Fortunately, as a local performance poet, I think I get granted some grace for my hefty emotionality.

I wasn't trying to trivialize others' romances. I'm just saying that the pool for me is so small. I'm attracted to almost no one here. I've seriously weeded through all of the ones I've had any interest in. Most men aren't attractive, smart, engaging, and respectful enough to interest me. The fact that they were cruel to me makes it all seem so hopeless. People seem to have the ability to find people everywhere and they aren't treated as poorly as me. It just feels all the more hopeless. I'm too realistic to think that if I hang out at home and develop self esteem that some gorgeous creature will develop out of the woodwork and sweep me away.

I feel similar to you...actually, I've given up to the point that I haven't even TRIED for the last two years. But the last rejection was so over the top severe and horrible that I just can't do it anymore. I feel as if it's literally a crime to be attracted to someone and feel an insane amount of shame. And I've gotten way more crap for OPPOSITE sex attractions than SAME sex attractions. Someone figure THAT one out!

And it seriously burns me that girls whose only redeeming feature is that they're "pretty"...and of course that's relative. It's the smart girls...the creative girls...the girls who are more modest, mature, polite etc. who get screwed over. I think it's similar for guys too.

But still...being yourself doesn't work for everyone. It isn't working for me, that's for sure.

I also don't understand how one can love themselves without being loved by someone else. How can you learn to do something you've never been shown? This only applies to me personally in a romantic sense...but still.

I learned to love myself after I saw how I loved others.

I have the same problem henry

nobody likes me

im easy to get along with, ill talk about basically anything, im loyal too

but I have like 2 friends and I don't even talk to them much

and I have no love life

I feel your pain

I have noticed that if you are comfortable being a little alone with your own time ... it helps !

I'd hate to be argumentative, but I disagree. Unless you mean it helps you keep it out of your present mind most of the time. I'm comfortable being alone—other than seeing a person when I took the garbage out the other day, I haven't seen anybody in like 3 or 4 days...I've lost count. I'm so comfortable being alone that I'm almost numb to it. I do see friends once a week, but otherwise I don't socialize. I'm trying to get a job where I would work from home...probably not the best choice for my mental health, but probably for my future career. I suppose I "socialize" when I play with bands...but I'd love to be in a group where the members socialize outside of rehearsals so it doesn't feel as superficial.

So I suppose it helps you become numb to being alone, if that's what you mean. But it doesn't help you to become happy and fulfilled with being alone. If that is what you are indeed implying.