[kimthecatlover]

My roommate always reminisces about his family and all the good times he had with them..he keeps talking about it as if he longs for those days. What gets me upset is that all his talking about his family and how loving they were reminds me of my family NOT being nice and NOT being there for me and that I have VERY FEW good, happy memories of my childhood. I wish I could tell him to be mindful of my feelings like I am mindful of his but I'm afraid that would trigger his anger problem and he'll act out and make me more upset...How do I deal with this without making him upset? I have to go in my room and shut it all out and cry sometimes because of the bad memories his reminiscing triggers.

[LMo]

((( Kim )))

Welcome back... I think there was an APB out for you a while ago. I wondered where you went...

Could you *try* (I know it's hard) to use humor with your roommate? I have followed your posts and I know what a painful topic your childhood was for you, but that's the only thing I can think of that would allow you to get your point across without having him feel unduly criticized. But, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with him. If you joke around with him often, then humor might be something you can pull off, but if not, then... maybe write a letter?

I'm sorry that he's not more sensitive to your understandably hurt feelings

[January]

Kim,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Is it possible to get another roommate? You don't need to be with someone with a bad temper.

Jan

[froggie2]

sorry your having a hard time. That is an awful feeling. How about a new instant family? We are all here. Hope we can fill you up with some new good memories.

[(JD)]

((((hugs)))) WB. I guess at some point you have to have a heart to heart talk... while you don't really want to deny him his good memories, I'm sure he doesn't want to trigger you all the time either. Maybe agree on a few areas of discussion, and go from there?

[JustAPixie]

((((((((( Kim )))))))))

[Bethsway]

Maybe he talks about it so much because he is thinking it will make you feel better to hear such fun happy stories...I don't think he is realy wanting to be hurting you...and I also I am wondering why he has such a bad temper...maybe his childhood wasn't as great as he puts on and is trying to convince himself it was...? Sorry you and he are not compatible...Hope maybe you can change roommates! In the mean time...we are here for you...!

[mrpieeater]

Would he really say those things to hurt you? That's what you've got to think. Really think, because it's quite likely he is simply ignorant/unthinking and if that's the case he is only saying those things because he is fond of those memories, not because he is trying to hurt you. You can't change your past but you can accept that you've moved on!

However, if he really is trying to hurt you then I say that's not the kind of person you should be around, let alone listen to! That kind of person wouldn't deserve it, man.

[AlteredState01]

Oh, I can feel your pain coming right through my screen. I, too, am estranged from my family (except for my mom - we are working on it) and have waves of triggers whenever I am around a happy family, people talking about happy childhood memories, etc.

I have desperately tried to come to terms with my past and for the most part, have succeeded. Yet the pain doesn't seem to subside when I am triggered over familial memories. (I don't have any memories of good times - only bad times).

I often wonder why the pain doesn't lessen, then I remember, it is because of my illness! I will always have to remind myself of that. I can't control the triggers, but I can control how much it will affect me and for how long(sometimes; not all the time, but most times). Of course, I've had to practice and practice and practice and...

AS

just wanted to giv eyou my support and let you know that we truely care ((((((((hugs))))))))))

[alisandria]

((kim))) I think this is something you have to work on and come to terms with. The reality of it is that every where you go in life you are going to come across triggers with this. I know, I speak from experience. You need to come to a point of acceptance of what happened, and move from there. How bout instead of allowing yourself to feel torment by these happy memories he has, decide how you can create some form of happiness in your life. Making good memories. Since my childhood I have always considered my best friends my family...not my blood ties my family. It really will take work on your part to over ride this, but I think some day you are going to want a family of your own. Think of the things you would like in a family.

In the meantime, if your roomie has a bad temper, maybe it would be better to see if you could find another. You really need someone supportive that can help you through this, not make those memories harder. ((((((((((((kim))))))))))))))))))

hugs, Lisa

[froggie2]

Good answer. I agree.