[venusss]

The 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People | Alternet

Satirical tone aside (I love that too though), this article makes some points. And I think all of us are "guilty" of doing one or ten of these things at times.

[Perna]

I use this one:

When you’re miserable, since you have no hopes and expect nothing good to happen, you can’t be disappointed or disillusioned.

It's part of my "rutabaga plan" where, since things can't be worse, I might as well do all the things I put off doing or hate to do as they should not bother me as much now? It is amazing to me how quickly my mood and attitude changes and how I find something else I really would rather do.

[elliemay]

Absolutely spectacular.

[Sharp_Lace]

I needed a laugh. Another one to add for that should be to "hang out with other miserable people, and talk about being miserable all the time."

[-jimi-]

Circular reasoning. Those are the effects not the cause of feeling bad.

You can't cure the cause by stopping the effect.

Wish it was that easy.

[pachyderm]

Is it better than miserably successful?

[Fuzzybear]

.....

[pbutton]

Love it.

[unaluna]

Interesting article. So many of the items, I was like, wow that's my mom. And she likes to brag that she's never been depressed a day in her life. To which the rest of us have always replied, no you just make the rest of us depressed. She just says she always "worries". I think she means she cant stop ruminating.

Next time I'm feeling miserable to the point of suicide, I think I'll call her up and schedule an appointment!

She seems to be the kind of doctor who'd not only hold my hand, she'd gladly open the window and give me that little nudge I needed to help me go on over the edge!

I'll let those who think it's funny to laugh at people struggling with serious mental health issues to decide if this is appropriate humor or not!

[venusss]

She is not laughing at people with serious mental illness. Most of these things are habits, not "illness". And habits can one change. And I freely admit... I done some of these in past. I am still doing some, but i see the point of the article... and will try not to do 'em anymore. Numbers 10 and 11 caused me and are still causing me lots of grief.

Hadn't it been for my cynical humour, I'd be long dead already.

[eskielover]

LOL.....& it only takes 12 steps to feel better

[venusss]

But Alanis came up with way how to wreck your life in 8 easy steps!

[Open Eyes]

What this author is not talking about is the "whys" that are behind these "unhealthy habits".

We live in a world where so much of our value is determined by whatever society we grow up in. What someone should look like and how quickly someone learns or achieves according to some kind of regimented system set in place is constantly "graded but very unrealistic", also what is considered "a good life, a successful life, a worthy life" is often discussed where if someone doesn't quite fit into that picture they feel they have failed somehow.

Within moments of being born human beings cry out, "hear me and keep me warm and safe". How each person progresses from there depends on how well they continue to be heard and are allowed to understand "being safe" takes shape.

Pointing out some of the ways that certain people fail to learn how to "engage life with vigor and purpose" is not so hard to do. What is more important is understanding "why" this takes place and "how" to address it so that people can understand it and gain the skills to correct these negative patterns where they can realize more positive ways to engage their lives. Also this is going to be something that is "unique to each person" because the truth is we are all unique and there is no one size fits all. And we are really just only beginning to understand this as we keep learning about the human brain and how to best identify our uniqueness so we can nurture the qualities that are with in each of us.

Had the author at least offered some advice on how to replace poor coping skills with better ones, then perhaps the sarcasm could have been taken with a little bit of humor ... However, to have a supposed professional in the field simply decide to poke fun at real people struggling with real issues, that aren't always that easy to overcome, it kinda smacked of more abuse to me ... Something most have already experienced way too much of in the first place!

[-jimi-]

I'm not buying into the warped idea of self sabotaging. Sure, SOME people might, but most who think they do, don't actually self sabotage. It is a word to place more guilt on people.

Like I was supposed to get up early and do an errand today. I overslept because I had been short on sleep the night before and also I'm sick. Did i sabotage my attempt to help myself? Because this thing needs to be done. I don't see it that way. I just asked of myself what I couldn't do. Yet at least, tomorrow seems like a good day for it.

Financial issues are quite real to me. I live under constant pressure that my case could be revised and I could lose my benefits. Food is getting more and more expensive. I really don't eat as well as I did just five years ago. I try to do creative things and work out plans for if bad things happen, like rent out half of my apartment and growing more food. Doesn't mean the threat is not real. The person writing that has not wondered where the next meal will come from or had to locate the city's non claimed apple trees just to get some hard and sour apples at least.

From the logic of the 3rd item, I will stop having anemia if I stop panting from it when I walk up the stairs. Good job!

Not being anxious and on edge can simply be cured by not being anxious! Wow. Had never crossed my mind. And I hope some disaster does happen to them, I have survival training.... do they?

I had good parents so I'm not blaming them for anything. But a friend of mine had parents who were psychopaths. They abused her and neglected her while her brother got everything. If she got xmas money from a granny, they took it. They made it clear to her every day that she was horrible and her brother was how a kid should be. Yeap, she should just forget all about it. Actually she did, she only have vague memories from her childhood. So, why is she unhappy? She DID forget.

I AM critical. It makes me stay real. I'm critical to the crap list.

Now lets make the same list about cancer or loss of a close one and laugh about it!

((( jimi ))) ...

[-jimi-]

LOL. Sorry being a party pooper, but the thing lacks logic.

Logic is like a religion to me.

[venusss]

I don't think it lacks logic. But to each their own. Some like cynical articles, some hug buttons.

You aren't a party pooper, and no apologies are necessary.

If I wanted "shock" therapy at the expense of somebody else's idea of a joke, I'd simply move back home with those violent, incestuous alcoholics I grew up with!

My C-PTSD, and all the related issues pertaining thereto - depression, anxiety, panic, fear of becoming destitute & homeless, etc. - are a direct result of something that an innocent child had no power or control over and to have a supposed professional poke fun at my progress (or lack thereof) is simply not one damn bit funny!

Not at all ...

@#$%! that supposed therapist!

[venusss]

I don't think the writer is abusive. I noticed that some people here mistake honesty with "abuse". Like you you only be smooshy huggy supporty or abusive and critical and no middle way.

I do think that "ability to laugh at yourself" is one important tool. And ability to self-reflect.

so they article may not be "oh poor you chemically imbalanced thing, there is nothing you can do for yourself, but at least it is not your fault, pity pity pity, hugs and unicorns pooping rainbow puppies", but I don't think it's *abusive*, Not everything that point out a personal weakness of somebody is abusive. Sometimes it's... the truth.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I don't think the writer is abusive. I noticed that some people here mistake honesty with "abuse". Like you you only be smooshy huggy supporty or abusive and critical and no middle way.

I do think that "ability to laugh at yourself" is one important tool. And ability to self-reflect.

so they article may not be "oh poor you chemically imbalanced thing, there is nothing you can do for yourself, but at least it is not your fault, pity pity pity, hugs and unicorns pooping rainbow puppies", but I don't think it's *abusive*, Not everything that point out a personal weakness of somebody is abusive. Sometimes it's... the truth.

Venus, please keep in mind that you "are" posting this in a site where people "genuinely" struggle with different types of Mental Illnesses.

I don't think it was "wrong" to post this article, however, it is important to recognize that the reaction of some members will see this article as too general and not really considering "real psychological challenges".

While you clearly do not appreciate "hugs" and certain kinds of validations expressed to some of the members reaching out for support, it doesn't mean these hugs and expressions of validations are "not important or don't actually help some of the members who struggle".

Making fun of Hugs and Unicorns (by the way my avatar is not a unicorn) and rainbows showering puppy dogs, you are actually picking apart something that some individuals have been deprived of when they have needed it and may still truly need a "caring and comforting and sympathetic" presence to help them in their healing. And this is "not" just "my" opinion either, there are many studies that have recognized this "very human need" and how with the "right" caring support, an individual can make considerable gains in their recovery.

Do "some" people use these excuses to escape? Yes, however, it is important to dig deeper and find out "why" some individuals turn to these different ways of escaping too.

OE

[Bark]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I don't think it lacks logic. But to each their own. Some like cynical articles, some hug buttons.

And some like both.

[venusss]

OE... I am cynical. I can't and I don't wanna help it (cause what then... be injured and insulted by everything?).

It seems the article based on comments here and on the original site is either liked or hated. I wonder what the pattern is. I still maintain emotional well being is about a personal attitude to life and things in life... to a huge degree.

[Open Eyes]

Venus, yes, I know you are cynical, I have recognized this about you for some time now.
I don't blame you really, as I have been off and on "very cynical" myself. I know that you "try very hard" to improve your outlook and your life too, I see this and I respect you for your efforts. And some of the things you say, I agree with too, for example, not everything can be resolved by "medication" etc. I know you are always trying to learn and think about things that can help you that become "positive" for you and your effort to embrace "meaning" in your own life.

However, there are a wide variety of "needs" that different people have and needs that are "different" from the things you have found "helpful for yourself". Hey, it's not always easy to be mindful of that either because we tend to really know our own needs and often do not readily understand how different someone else can be from us.

Personally, I don't particularly care for an article that just points out "unproductive behavior patterns" like this without also getting in to the "whys". I want the meat and potatoes, not just the end result that I am sure many people can identify with, especially if someone struggles with some kind of mental illness where they have been so misunderstood that they withdraw in some unproductive ways just to "function" somehow.
And to be honest Venus, that is what I did, and I genuinely did not understand "why" and I was treated "badly" for something I simply didn't understand and could not help either.

I struggle with complicated grief disorder and complex PTSD, and I certainly "withdrew" but had no idea "why". An article like this would not have helped me, and could have even made me feel worse tbh. It's just too broad and it doesn't offer some of the significant ways, or that how these behaviors could be symptoms of a disorder where the person should be getting help so they can understand themselves better.

This is what is being expressed in the different reactions you are getting in this thread.
It doesn't mean someone is "angry at you" for posting it, but some people do know first hand that sometimes it isn't as simple as the author is implying. It can be triggering to some because, for example with PTSD, the person struggling is constantly addressed with "just" comments that they can't seem to do and do not understand "why". Well, there are "real" reasons for it and it is a lot of "work" to learn how to "manage some very challenging symptoms" and it isn't just a matter of "being lazy etc". And for some, a "hug" can really be such a life saver, even if seeing that tends to turn you off or even repulses you in some way. Actually, there are disorders where people "are" very turned off by "hugs" and expressions of physical compassions.

Human beings can be "very complicated" and we keep learning more about "why" all the time as we study the human brain and continue to keep learning.

OE