Practicing conversations in my head, repeatedly

Hi, not sure where this belongs. I have been diagnosed w/anxiety. I don't know if I have bipolar or OCD or what. I've noticed that I have practice arguments or confrontations in my head, especially after a conflict with someone. I keep going over what will happen we we see each other, what they'll say, how I'll reply, over and over again. I know this isn't productive or helpful because if anything I get all wound up. Usually what I imagine what the other person will say is not what realistically they would say. Something will trigger the person/incident in my head and next thing I'm in the middle of a imaginary fight where the other person is screaming and I'm calm and the 'mature' one. In the past if the conversation does happens with the real person I am the flustered one, basically having a tantrum. I wonder how much of the argument would have happened had I not planned it out beforehand and gotten worked up.

I would love to stop this as it makes me focus on people other than the ones that matter. It's been this way for years and I don't remember a lot of the people who took up so much headspace at one point. I would love to stop these thoughts. Any tips/ideas? I am reading CBT book and love it, but these thoughts aren't really discribed at all. Is it called something? I know 'fortune telling' seems to describe it best, but what about a conversation?

It's just really not beneficial to me and I'd like to stop.

Was arguing and being attacked verbally a significant part of your childhood experience?

I was also thinking there may have been a lack of control there, too. A child in an abusive situation she could not escape.

A similar thing happens to me…not necessarily only with arguments, but any important events—I'll imagine them over and over before they happen, running through all the possible things that could happen and a lot of the time it ends up getting violent and I get hurt in the end. I have no idea what it's called though.

I do this all the time before I leave my house. I try to imagine how I'll act and react to things so I don't seem weird to others.

I do this same thing. It's as if the conversation gets stuck on repeat, and keeps replaying over and over in my head. Sometimes this happens with conversations that actually happened, but most of the time it's conversations I have with myself, or conversations I role play in my head between me and whomever I need to speak with.

Funny thing is that I used to do it a lot, and while I never really stopped these "inner conversations" when my T suggested I try to use some positive self talk, the conversations got stronger and more challenging! As if I was arguing with myself!

Thanks for all the replies. Yes, I would say that describes my childhood. Is there a way I can stop it from happening? How do I use this info to stop this? It's driving me bananas

Thanks all for the replies. It's nice to know I'm not the only one doing this. Although it sucks that it happens to anyone. It doesn't happen all the time to me, just when I had a fight or someone was upset with me, then it takes over and won't stop. I used to fully engage in this inner dialog thinking it would prepare me to defend myself but it doesn't help. Honestly it blows up whatever conflict out of proportion too.

To the two that first responded, you both hit the nail on the head. My older brother has major issues. Growing up he was angry, irritable, paranoid. I was always accused of things and I think he got me to believe them. He is the same today.

I just want these thoughts to stop. I hate it when a nights gone and I spent the night obsessing. I really have wasted too much of my life already, especially things that are out of my control and not worth my time.

I suspect you cannot make them stop just by wishing them to. And they do seem to affect you enough so that they are worth your time investigating why they are there.

My "illness" originally presented as internal "arguments" between "me" and "others" who wanted me to be someone I was not. It was a reflection of my actual childhood. Until I got the chance to find out who I was, regardless of what I thought others wanted me to be, and to get some support for the real me, I had no chance to resolve my problems. (I still struggle with them, but now I think I have more insight into what is going on.)

Not all therapists will support the real you. Some try to make you what they think you should be. They seem to need you to be someone who helps them. Don't fall for that! See if you can find one who listens for the real you.

Thanks for all the feedback. Yeah the childhood question actually answered so many questions for me. Funny because the person who was so combative in my childhood is at it again. I have learned a lot that has been beyond helpful. I the best lesson I've learned is dealing with people that have victim mentalities is a no win situation. They will assign you blame for their misery and not understand that they are not the center of everyone's world. I have realized i have had a victim mentality forever. I can't even explain what a load is lifted! I do think its very hard to realize that one has this as that would require one to admit they were wrong.
Watching this person go around, acting paranoid, treating those close like dirt. Having no comprehension of how draining they are, when they think they are the ones people mistreated. i started realizing i was like with my mother in law. every hint she gave i took as a insult. my dh never did anything right. I have to say we are getting better now than we have in years!! Having to be right and win the argument is something I can live without now.

This might introduce some practical steps to take on your own too:

From Self-Criticism to Self-Inquiry | Character Strengths

If I don't practice a difficult conversation ahead of time I get all flummoxed. This habit grew into constant internal dialog and, when I hit psychosis, pure hell. Sometimes I can't sleep because of it. Too much internal turmoil.

I have the same conversations in my head on repeat. I go through worst-case and best-case scenarios. Not just arguments though... I also work through my upsets and sadness this way.

Sometimes I like it and find it helpful. Other times? They make me cry.