[Lostlamba]

I do not know where to post this, I got sexual abuse in childhood, later did a lot crazy sex in youth time, involved in night club people etc.now when i trying so hard to get settle down and i find i can not....
i find i can not love anymore it seems, i can love a little, but most part in me is only sex.
I keep seeking high feelings from sex, even fantasy can satisfy me, and I need this high feelings so much to calm me down.....

and I keep seeking guys younger than me, partly cuz of their energy and sexual i guess, partly cuz i lack a real childhood and teenager times....

and those self masturbation really not good for my mental to progress, and i must have to keep doing masturbation until climax. It actually hurts my health now, cuz i m v weak in health.

Deep down i know i need to find a suitable guy who is loving and spiritual , but once i start to talk to any guys, my feelings r blocked, i can not have normal chat with them.

[Lostlamba]

and God knows it is even the way for me to drive away fear, frustration, when i feel desperately lonely of my sickness etc, i also use this method...

but i know it is not real me, i m eaten by this...

[AlteredState01]

Have you ever considered a 12-step program designed for such addictions? Do you see a therapist at all?

Sexual promiscuity was a big part of my life, especially in my younger years. Can't say it reached addictive proportions as I consciously used sex as a way to get the love, attention and other things I sought. It did, however, severekt impair my ability to have close relationships, as with you.

You first need to get a handle on your addictive behaviours and begin therapy (or whatever) to help deal with the deeper issues of "why." (I say deeper issues because it is apparent what started this cycle of behaviour).

If you seek a 12-step program, please do not be frightened off by the spiritual aspect - no one is asking you to convert to anything - for this is a very personal aspect of the program and need (should) not be open to public scrutiny in any way, shape or form.

I wish you well.

Altered State

[Lostlamba]

Thank u.....I know it is spiritual issues, i m living in a country without the possiblity to see those therapists. I v heard of 12 steps, and i searched in google before. I m not sure if r those ?

I v seen psy doctor here, they just gave me some pills, does not really help anything......it is really some deep spiritual roots.

[JustAPixie]

(((((((( Lostlamba )))))))))

[Boopers]

Praying for you LostLamba!!



Linda

[Rhapsody]

Please read these THREADS that have been started by my self and other members here on PC on the subject of Sexual Addiction.... then let me know if there is any thing else I can do to help.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

PC Forum LINKS:

1.) http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...3&fpart=1&vc=1

2.) http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...5&o=93&fpart=1

3.) http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...rt=&PHPSESSID=

* * * * * * * *

http://www.sexaa.org/online.htm

that site lists online meetings for sex addicts anonymous.

[Lostlamba]

and i just realize that it is like drug to cease my inner pain, i m using it as spiritual healing.......v self deceiving.
i need a lot of other strength , so that to drive this away finally.

and i had this fantasy habit from little, u used this to escape the pain from beating , etc. because fantasy is most beautiful thing...
real sex is boring and heavy using lots energy , but fatasy is relaxing and comforting, and i used a lot other fantasy too when i met desperate things in life, so finally going so far away

i guess i need a lot brave quality to back to find home

it is so evil that devil using fatasy to destroy people's spirit, fantasy is not visions, it is so tricky and sad

[Lostlamba]

and i forget since when that i started to abuse myself , threw myself out, i hate myself

[AlteredState01]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
and i just realize that it is like drug to cease my inner pain...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That is exactly it - you are using sex to distract yourself from past pain/hurt/anger, etc., even though this cycle has always caused you pain. You found comfort in going into a fantasy world as a child, and continue to use the same technique (sex) to help put you back into that "fantasy" place to escape the pain you still feel, even though you know it will hurt again when it is over. It is exactly the same if you were taking drugs or drinking alcohol. What started out as a learned method to "escape" eventually became a method of continuous torture.

Have you seen anyone - ever - about your addiction(s) and/or emotional difficulties?

[Lostlamba]

Yes, and there is deep down a small girl, i m escaping growing up i guess....i m mourning inside and delaying growing. why?
and i m keep blaming life unfair, blaming others , blaming myself......
it is like a water pump been dragged all the water,it is so dry and exhausted.....

Do u love life still, ?or feel alive and fresh?

and i find there r also a few other abused girls, all refuse to grow up. we all wish to always staying in darkness as a little victim girl.....

[Lostlamba]

and it is like a cloudy wall over the head, the abuse is also v deceiving thing.drag your legs

[AlteredState01]

Ummm, is that yes to you are seeing a therapist or in therapy?

I guess I am finding it hard to provide you with any support at the moment. If you are in therapy, the "why" (in a psychologially-objective sense) should already have been explained.

Is this more of philosophical or spiritual "why?"

It would be helpful to know...